Humbled & Thankful

Here are Wayne and Caeden playing Doctor. The first thing Caeden wanted to do was listen to Wayne's lungs and heart (he knows the "cancer germs" are in there).

Claire with her first dolly - Baby Stella.

Watching Caeden play ...


Over the past few weeks Wayne has received cards, emails, phone calls, texts, and care packages in the mail. We have received dinners and lunches made by friends and friends - of - friends who have been so thoughtful and kind.

We are absolutely humbled by the outpouring of generosity and support we have and continue to receive. There are not words for the way we feel each time someone reaches out to us. It is the love and support that keeps us going - giving us strength (well, that and wheat grass ...).

The above pictures were taken yesterday, as we unwrapped a huge care package from his friends at Microsoft. It is the first time I have had my whits about me to take pictures.

Here is a link to pictures of my friends in Kansas drawing pictures for Caeden and Claire. (I wish I had taken pictures of them unwrapping them!)

The generosity of many has given us the opportunity to hire help for the kids as Wayne is in and out of the hospital in the month of April. To be able to be by his side while he recovers from heart surgery and 2 more rounds of chemo means the world to me - to us.

And the prayers. All of your prayers and thoughts are so appreciated. Thank you, thank you.

We love you all. Thank you for everything - and know that Wayne is one hell of a fighter. Thank you for helping us fight.

Our Love,

Wayne, Val, Caeden and Claire

Hair Watch: Day 10

Wayne with a full head of hair. I'd love to comment on all the gray, but I'm afraid of what he'd have to say about mine (Not that I have any, mind you).

If we were in an office environment, I am sure there would be a pool going about when he won't have it anymore. But, since we're not, we've come up with Wayne: The Hair Watch. A daily picture of "will he or won't he have it today?"

If you're really lucky, tomorrow you'll see his pajama pants, too.

Grass.

Wheat grass. For 1.49, you too, can drink little green shots. From the extensive list of health benefits, I think I might start drinking them too. (The Ensure is just another item Wayne drinks. I'm using it for a prop since the wheat grass looked lonely on the fridge shelf).


I took the above picture with my iPhone, so click on the picture to enlarge it to read the list. (I know we are a Microsoft family, please excuse my total adoration for my iPhone. I just love this little piece of techno-wonder.) Trust me, the list is impressive!

{In other Non-Wayne News}

This is for the grandparents:

Claire had her 9 month appt. this morning. She's an itty bitty! 17 pounds and 27 inches. She's in the 15th percentile for both. She's healthy and took her shots like a champ.

Settling In

We are getting used to our new reality. We can talk about "it" without crying or avoiding each others eye contact.

Today Wayne had a great day. He wanted to work, he climbed the stairs to help me with the kids during the time of night all us parents know as the "witching hour," we sat at the table tonight happily eating hummus and chit chatting about stuff.

We are settling in.

We've got another week or two before his heart surgery, and then all of April will be about recovering, more chemo, recovering, more chemo ...

So, I'm trying to think of fun things that we can do, that wouldn't take too much out of him. Maybe a trip to the mountains?

It was windy all weekend, so we didn't get pictures taken like I had hoped. However, I am feeling like pulling out the camera, so look for pictures soon (blogs without pictures can be so boring - maybe you would all like to see Wayne's rotation of pajama pants?)

He had another appt today (every MWF) to check his coumadin levels (blood thinner) and everything is looking good. Wayne was researching nutrition today - trying to come up with things that will help his immune system. I offered organic fruit smoothies (thinking of you, Paula), but he is jumping into the wheatgrass arena.

He just walked in, and I said I was blogging, and he said, "it just feels good to feel normal."

Couldn't have said it better.

First Outpatient Visit

Wayne will go to Dr. Hinshaw's office every MWF while he's under her care. Today was his first appt.

*His white blood cell count has not dropped yet, but it will over the weekend. Days 10-14 will be his lowest (meaning he is more prone to infections and tiredness).

*He has lost 10 pounds in one week.

*He feels better today than he has in 2 weeks.

*The MRI on his head and CT on his chest will be done before his heart surgery (which will be scheduled the week of April 6th).

*We are expecting 70 degree weather this weekend, so we'll be going for lots of walks and I'll be taking lots of pictures of him and the kids.

More on Monday ...

Now and Then

You know how I said that from here on out everything was going to be "before and after?"

*I remember when I used to drive off the freeway exit to go home, I'd always glance at LifeTime Fitness (the gym we joined when Claire was 2 months old because I was having a fit that the baby weight hadn't come off yet), and feel guilty that I hardly ever went.

Now, all I see is Parker Adventist Hospital, right beside the gym. I see the building that told us that Wayne had bigger problems than pneumonia. Now I see the Chick-fil-a restaurant beside it that I used to run and get Wayne grilled chicken sandwiches when he couldn't find something on the hospital menu that sounded decent.

*I remember when I used to get so annoyed when Wayne snored at night. I'd poke him, I'd tap him, I'd sigh really loud, on accident - of course, to get him to stop making noise.

Now, I lay in bed unable to close my eyes because I think I can hear better with my eyes open ... I listen for his snores, for his noises, to tell me that he is asleep, and not nauseated or in pain.

*I remember looking at the kids many times for signs of "me." - Caeden has my eyes, Claire has my nose, etc.

Now, I look at the kids for Wayne. When Wayne was in the hospital, I was home one night watching a cartoon with Caeden before he went to bed. He was snuggled into me and I was playing with his hair ... and I thought, "You have your dad's hair. And look at those lips. You definitely have your dad's lips ..." The sentiment being that when I can't hold Wayne, I can hold them and feel him.

*I remember when I used to bad-mouth fast food. McDonalds? Not a good idea.

Now, I embrace whatever Wayne wants to eat. Today he ate 6 chicken nuggets (over a time span of 40 minutes, but still! Progress!) and I happily ate a cheeseburger and fries beside him.

*I remember when his co-workers were mostly just names to me. Wayne would tell me stories about people at work, and I would imagine what they were like.

Now, I know. The people at Microsoft are kind. Thoughtful. Compassionate. Amazing. When he talks about people now, I don't imagine faces, I see hearts. You all have no idea what your emails, phone calls, and other communications with Wayne mean to him. To us. You keep him smiling, you keep him at ease. Thank you. Thank you for being such wonderful friends. He is truly blessed to have all of you in his life.

Today

Today:

1. Wayne tried hard to eat. After a day of trying, he got 1/2 of an Ensure shake down, a couple of bites of chicken noodle soup, and some fruit.

2. Tried to work but nausea over took most of his day.

3. Slept.

4. Held Claire.

5. Watched TV with Caeden.

6. Read this awesome post.

Tomorrow he has his first out patient Doctor visit. Hopefully the medication they start will help him navigate in his world a bit better. We are hopeful he will be recovering from this wicked round of chemo and will be headed into heart surgery soon.

Welcome Home

He's home. Sleeping, and trying hard to eat something. Anything. Please?!

The mood of the house has totally changed. Everyone is smiling and talking and loving that Wayne is here with us.

Welcome home, honey. Those pajama pants look mighty fine on you. ;)

Day 4

Chemo comes in cycles. Wayne's cycles last 3 weeks.

The first 4 days are chemo. I am not going to even talk about the side effects that he is enduring - what I will tell you is that HE IS ENDURING THEM. His spirit is high, his attitude wonderful. He jokes with the (cute) nurses, and listens very carefully to the Docs.

The rest of this week will be spent at home. Soaking in the tub, taking long showers, letting us love on him, and relaxing.

Next week his blood count will be at its lowest - he will be tired for sure.

Week 3 is the final week of cycle 1. He will start feeling really good...and then it will be time for surgery.

Dr. Parker is Wayne's cardio-thoracic surgeon. He is confident that he can take out the tumor that is snaking its way into Wayne's aorta. It's open heart surgery - with about 5 days of recovery time, but the risk sounds minimal. How amazing that we're already looking past it and onto the next step. Funny how we are able to roll with all the major news - open heart surgery? Bring it on.

After Wayne recovers from surgery, it will be time for cycles 2 and 3 of chemo. When that is all done, Wayne will be scanned again; his Doctors are looking for recession of the tumors. We won't know if they have responded to the chemo until then. The waiting is hellacious.

So, tomorrow.

I get to bring him home. The anticipation and joy I feel so acutely will keep me up all night, I am sure. I think Claire would like the company. :)

Soooo looking forward to the sun coming up...

Outside Looking In

Wayne is sleeping ... after going for 2 rounds around the floor (walking as much as possible), he is wiped out. He has had a rough day - really feeling the effects of chemo - and is trying to sleep as much as he can (thank you, Kellie, for that advice).

We are hoping he still gets to come home tomorrow, although, after just talking to his nurse - who hadn't heard that, we aren't sure.

The quiet of the itty bitty closet (his room) is punched with HGTV in the background, the drip, drip, drip of the chemo, and the sound of his bed moving every 30 seconds (which he has gotten used to). He opens his eyes every once in awhile to ask what I am doing, and how I am doing. The question chokes me up because, really, what I am supposed to say? He wants to know that I am okay, but that will only be the case if he is.

Some friends gave him the book, "The Shack." He doesn't have the stamina to even read a magazine, so I have borrowed his book and have started to read (for the first time since having kids, I think!). I haven't gotten that far into it, but so far it is good - it's about the spiritual journey of a man who has gone through (too) much in his life.

Caeden is hanging in there. He was SO excited that his aunt and uncle are here (my brother and his wife). He had school today and was excited to go see the Leprechans. I didn't know about any of that - I didn't even lay out anything green for him to wear - but thankfully I have Melissa to keep me in the loop with his schooling.

I just looked over at Wayne again as he shifts to get comfortable in his bed. He's got a pillow from home and some new pajama pants on. While I have always been protective of him, seeing him in bed brings out the Mama Lion. "Do you need new socks? More water?" My caregiving abilities are hindered to just a few tasks I can do for him, but the love behind them is greater than ever. I have never put on a pair of socks so gingerly or have been so obsessed with making sure he has enough ice water.

It doesn't look like the Doc will be in today, but hopefully we'll have some more news after Tumor Board tomorrow. Wayne has his last dose of chemo tomorrow around 11 am (runs 2 hours) - and then, finally a break.

Thank you all for your support. The kindess coming from everyone has been so appreciated!

Full of Hope,

Val

What a difference a day makes

Now I see what people mean about chemo...I feel great now but this morning was a rough one. I woke up with some nausea and am getting over it now. They put me on some new meds that hopefully will stop it before it happens but wow! :) I guess that means the chemo is working and I am definitely not complaining. I am currently going through day 3 of the first round. It feels great to get this moving. As a far as I know, I am still going home tomorrow evening. I am looking forward to that more than you can imagine.

My sister left for LA last night and my parents just left to run back to South Dakota for a few days. I am not sure how much fun I am right now anyway :) I am just laying around and going for the occasional walk. I promise I will be much more fun at home. :)

Otherwise, not much new news. I am waiting for the second team of docs to come in and tell me what they are thinking for my hip. I will post afterwards on what the plan is. I am hoping to get a schedule or calendar together on how this is all going to happen. As always, I appreciate the emails, calls, prayers and all of the other support that you have shown my family. It means so much to me.

Wayne

First day down!

The first day of chemo is history. I can't tell you it isn't a bit scary watching that kool-aid colored fluid work its way into your body but feels so good to get started. The only real difference I have noticed is that some food has a kind of metallic taste. My friend Jennie, who visited me yesterday, said that what she read in the Livestrong book too. I need to get a copy of that as it is getting REALLY boring watching basic cable all day long :)

I had a really encouraging discussion with the cardiac thoracic surgeon yesterday. He feels pretty good about getting into my chest and removing the tumor that is moving into my heart. He is literally the top cardiac surgeon in the area and has specific experience removing sarcomas. It is open heart surgery (which sounds really scary) but anymore it is a pretty routine surgery. He thoughts the risks were in the 2% range which is good enough for me :) I am hoping to have that done when this initial chemo is finished and my immunity has recovered. His guess was two weeks but hadn't conferred with the oncologist yet. More news on Monday.

Otherwise, just wanted to let everyone know that I feel great and appreciate everything that you have done for my family. It means so much to me that they are being well taken care of so I can fight through this. Thank you so much!

Today is the day

First of all, I wanted to thank everyone for their outpouring of support. This the first time I have blogged on this site and wished it was under different circumstances. I have heard from friends all over country, old friends from high school and colleagues and it has truly touched me. I haven't been able to reach back but I promise to in the weeks to come.

As I write this, I am sitting at my new hospital awaiting my first round of chemotherapy. I should be starting in about two hours (1PM Mountain time). I am so excited to get started and get the treatment underway.

I did get a bit of good news in that they think they may send me home on Tuesday or Wednesday of next week instead of keeping me in the hospital. I am trying not to get my hopes up to high but I would love nothing more to be at home with my wife and kids. That truly has been one of the hardest things about this past week.

I will try and keep everyone updated on how it is going. It doesn't sound like too much will change for the next few days so hopefully will be able to start answering back all of your messages.

Again, thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers. I feel great and am ready to get this going and will need those as we move forward.

Wayne

Change of Plans

Wayne's Oncologist, Dr. Reznick, was in contact with Dr. Patel at MD Anderson this morning. It looks like MDA does not have a clinical trial that fits Wayne. Dr. Patel and Dr. Reznick conferred about Wayne's case and agree that time is of the essence, and that chemo needs to be started right away.

Because MDA does not offer anything that we can't get here, Wayne has decided to stay in Denver. He is being transferred to Presbyterian St. Lukes (PSL) Hospital this afternoon and will be under the care of Dr. Reznick's partner. The Cardio-Thorasic & Oncology Teams at PSL are top-notch and we feel it's the best place for Wayne right now.

Wayne will be treated in-house and will not be coming home for awhile. We are guessing 2 months but we aren't 100% sure. It depends on how he reacts to treatment.

It seems like an eternity since Sunday - everytime I go to sleep I look over at his empty side of the bed and just want to run back to the hospital and climb into bed with him. I smell his shaving cream, touch his clothes hanging in the closet, and trip over his shoes that I refuse to move. I feel anxious when we're not together but know he needs time to himself - to think, to sleep, to read all of your emails ...

So for now, we are all just anxiously awaiting his transfer, loving him, and praying for him.

As always, I will update as I know more. My goal is to do it daily ...

Pictures

I haven't seen Caeden look better than when he crawled into Wayne's bed yesterday. And Claire. Just when you think she is too young to know anything, she wiggled around like a maniac when she saw Wayne yesterday. She wanted nothing else but to be held by him.

The only news I have is that the pathology report has been sent to MD Anderson because there is a disagreement on the diagnosis. Two pathologists were unable to agree on the type of Sarcoma. We are confident MD Anderson will be able to give us a diagnosis.

Waiting for transfer information. Will post when we get some news.

Val

P.S. Anyone have an Apple iPhone? I am getting my email on it, but when I sync it on my desktop (also an Apple), my email does not sync. This is a problem because I am unable to open many of the email messages you have been sending.

Possible Transfer

Wayne has been transferred to a new room. Room number 130 at Parker Adventist Hospital. He can now have visitors with no restrictions. This means the kids. :)

This moment, Caeden is crawling all over Wayne. Asking questions, pushing buttons, and saying over and over, "I sure do miss you!"

The room is already covered in drawings (of cement trucks and volcanos) and I can already see improvement in both Wayne and Caeden.

Here is what is going on:

1. We are moving Wayne to MD Anderson (University of Texas Hospital) Cancer Center ASAP. They have an Adult Sarcoma Cancer Center - just about as specialized as it comes for Wayne. We are so blessed to have collegues and friends who were able to give us a referral to MD and now we are waiting for: 1) The case manager to help us with the transfer 2) Wayne's current Oncologist to evaluate him to see if: a) it is possible for him to fly b) if treatment can be started here and then continued there or if he can just start down there (it would mean getting to Houston tonight or tomorrow - otherwise, chemo will have to start here because he has no time to wait).

Wayne's sister is flying in today, and my brother and sister in law will be here in (Denver) or Houston to help us. Wayne's parents, my mom, dad, sister, and Jordan are all here now helping with the kids, helping with the house, food, with everything. It has been a God send to have everything run as smooth as it has so that Wayne can have constant company.

As soon as I know what direction/location we are headed for, I will let you all know. We are feeling anxious to get started, but hopeful and optomistic that our plan is the right one.

For now, we still ask for your prayers for Wayne's strength, wisdom for his doctors, and for God to hold us all in his hands as we fight this.

Thank you for all of your support. I hear there is a Facebook support group, although I haven't had time to check it out. I think if you search for "Wayne Koop Support Group" or "Kristin Rozier" you'll be able to find it.

Wayne said he was going to blog today, so look for a posting from him - I know you are all anxious to hear from him.

Biopsy

As I type this, Wayne is having a biopsy done on the tumor going in his hip. Radiology was not able to get a good sample from his lungs, so they are sampling the other location now.
This means once we have the new biopsy results, they'll be able to give us a diagnosis. We know it is sarcoma, but not which type. The type of treatment will most likely be high doses of chemo, but until we know which type we are dealing with, they can't start treatment.

One of the largest hurdles is one of the tumors in his heart has grown a "finger" that has entered his pulmonary vein and aorta. The scare is that it may possibly break off and land some where else in the body. This is where the concern is greatest, so if you are praying, please pray for the tumor to respond to the chemo and retract.

Once his cardio problem is under control (or at least stable), they will deal with hip and pulmonary areas (although the chemo will attach all areas anyway).

So, for now, we are waiting on the biopsy. Then the diagnosis will determine treatment. From there we will start treatment and are also looking at second opinions from another Oncologist at Presbyterian St. Lukes hospital.

For now, it is one thing at a time. One moment at a time.

Caeden knows that Daddy is sick. He asks for him all day and first thing in the morning - always asking, "are the germs in daddy's lungs gone yet?" We are trying to be as honest as possible - he knows Wayne is in the hospital - and are trying hard to keep Caeden's routine as normal as possible.

Wayne has been getting your emails and please know each and every word of support means the world to him. He is going to start blogging here, too, so that he can be in touch with everyone.

Thank you for your prayers and kindness. We feel surrounded by love and support. Thank you! We feel you. We feel God.


Val

Cancer.

This word will forever divide our lives into the before and after.

Right now I am not even sure where to start.

He had a cough for months and pain in his hip that we thought was an inflamed broca sack . He went into the hospital for what we thought was pneumonia but soon found out the extent of his illness.

We do not have a diagnosis yet, but oncology has confirmed it is a type of sarcoma and it stage 4. Most likely the cancer started in his hip and has spread to his lungs.

This is the most devastating time in our lives but we are doing our best to take each day one at a time.

I ask all of you to please pray for Wayne.

I will update the blog as I know more.

This Time I Mean It! ...Maybe.

I have been battling a case of mastitis but still slept on Claire's floor last night due to a snoring husband. She got up 4 times in the night, and I actually remember thinking, "I really wish our bedroom was on the same floor as the kids' - this is so nice to be close." Ummm, what would be even better is a baby that sleeps through the night. ;)

So, this morning, bright and early I announce to Wayne that THIS weekend is the weekend I let C-Bear cry it out through the night. I really need some rest. I mean, I have gotten no more than 4 hours of continuous sleep in 9 months. Not to while, but c'mon, don't I deserve to whine a little bit?

To my announcement, Wayne says, "Uh, yeah. I have heard that before." And he is right. I announce my cry it out plan at least once a month. Why can't I do it, you ask? Where is my backbone, you wonder.

The thing is, she snuggles up in the crook of my neck. Her sweet little baby hand rubs my arm when she eats. She just smells good. She turns my willpower into, "please don't let moments like this end." And there I am, getting up again.

Most of the time I function at a reasonable level. You know, the kids are clean and fed, the house is clean. But with this infection I have going on, it highlights how nice rest would be because all I want to do is curl up in bed and sleep/hide/pretend I am not here.

In other news, we're going through an interesting phase with Caeden. He has started the "NO!" back-talk. He stomps. He pouts. Don't get me wrong, he is still the sweetest boy ever, but I am aware those are Mommy-goggles talking. Where is my sweet boy at? With all his attitude and his need to eat continuously, I am starting to wonder if he has rocketed through his pre-school years straight into his teens. A curiously small teen that still needs help getting dressed, that is.

Wayne is gone next week so thank goodness Lindsay and Jordan are staying with us. It makes navigating the evenings so much easier!

What else...?

Oh, the gym. Caeden likes going! And I love going. There is something about someone running beside you on the treadmill that gives you endurance unlike anything else. Up until a few days ago, I would head straight upstairs and do cardio, but Wayne wandered over the indoor pool the other day. I am embarrassed to admit I didn't even know there was an indoor pool (though I knew of the outdoor/waterslide one). Now that I know this, it is time to find a swimming suit that: 1) hides my body (I need to check into whether they allow wet-suits in the pool) 2) cannot be pulled off (like the embarrassing moment I had 2 summers ago in our neighborhood pool), 3) looks stylish (wetsuit in fashion colors, perhaps?).

I'm excited to work on Caeden's swimming lessons together!

Well, that's all that has been going on here.

Last, sorry for such a text-heavy post. I plan on getting my camera out real soon.

Pictures of the Baptism

Rev. Bruce Herrboldt baptized Claire. He is special to us in many ways ... he married Wayne and I, baptized Caeden and Me, spoke at Grandma Goldie's funeral service, and will be marrying Nikki and John. Speaking of John, thank you for getting this shot. It is my favorite!

Claire's baptism was held on Saturday morning. I loved that only family was present, although I know traditionally the church congregation is present on Sunday's, but because we do not go to United Methodist, we didn't feel the need to hold the service for everyone. So, as it was, most of Wayne's side of the family was there: Nikki and John, Mom and Dad, Aunt Marlie and Uncle Jim, Rick and Cassie and the kids ...

We all circled around Claire during the ceremony, which felt intimate and special. We all dipped our fingers into the water that baptized Claire to remember the meaning of our own baptisms and what it means to support Claire through and beyond hers.

Claire Bear before the baptism.


This picture looks blurry but I love it regardless.


Grandpa & Grandma with Claire right after the ceremony. Poor Claire was frazzled from all the water, the singing, and being passed around.

After the service, we went back to Jim and Marlie's for a luncheon - complete with Marlie's special mints, and yummy chocolate cake, and lots of steam burgers and veggies. It was just perfect!

More to come ... still trying to get photos onto my desktop...

P.S. Wanna see what Claire will be wearing soon?

I got a few things, too. :) That dress ...
and these pants. Cute for the grocery store or lounging, huh?

Claire got this shirt with some other pants (huge ruffle at the bottom) ...

This shirt and those green striped pants (again, with ruffle at bottom) ...

This outfit ... (but for next year - didn't come small enough for her now)

This shirt ...
And this dress and pants. Cute huh?!

You can see it all here: Matilda jane.

Okay, and I promise, no more Matilda posts. I am officially done. Until the fall line comes out ...

We're Back

We loaded up the SUV early Friday morning and headed to South Dakota to surprise Mom (Wayne's Mom -- aka Grandma) for her 60th birthday party. We held it at the Chophouse and it was packed full of her friends and family -- and get this -- it was a total surprise. She never had a clue! How often does that happen??

I had to leave a bit early to get Claire to bed, but I heard by the end of the night, Donna was doing shots at the bar. :)

Then, early Saturday morning we went to church and had Claire baptized. It was an intimate, sweet ceremony that I will never forget. Claire looked beautiful. I'll post pictures as soon as I figure out how to transfer them from my laptop to my desktop.

Later that night, we went to Hill City for a lil' dinner at Alpine Inn. I love that place! The menu is just one thing: filet of beef (either small or large size) served with a baked potato, a yummy wedge of lettuce with the BEST ranch dressing on earth, and some toast. Simple, delicious and a total tradition when we go home.

After stuffing ourselves, driving home and putting the kids to bed, we were off again to Rick and Vanessa's house. They just moved into a darling new home complete with a real fireplace and french doors off of their bedroom. Very nice~! We played a game, visited ... and then we got a call that Claire was awake (surprise, surprise) so we had to leave early. It was hard to go - we were having so much fun with everyone. Thanks for having us over Vanessa!

Sunday was lower-key. We sat around a talked a lot about wedding stuff (Wayne's sister, Nik is marrying John in May). That night, everyone went to Deadwood for a bit of fun, but Mom and I stayed home (I was in bed by 8:30).

We left Monday ... leaving both Dave and Donna sick (see my last couple of posts). We just got a call from John - Nikki is sick, too. Apparently my family is not too popular right now.
Feel better soon everyone!

Posting pictures as I can ...

*Hi*

I am happy to report, after a long ol' night, everyone seems to be on the mend. I took TWO naps today, trying to make up for not sleeping for 48 hours. Feeling lazy ... & hopeful that laundry is caught up.

Found a neat little site with lots of birthday ideas: Caeden will be 4 in April & Claire will be 1 in May. Unbelievable!! I want to do something really special for each of them this year, and this website had some neat ideas... Picnic.

Look at this cuuuute birthday hat. You know I have to get one for Claire so I can take her picture in it. :) Found it, where else, but on Etsy.

I am also in love with these flash cards: A Little Hut. For 7.99 you get to download the entire set. Super cute for framing, too. Or print a set out on cardstock and give as a gift (over and over - how savvy are we?!) She has a blog, too. Blog.


Have a good day!

A New Day

The comment on my last post summed up my night. I toggled between Claire and Caeden - washing sheets, scrubbing carpets, hosing down the kids. Wayne was just as sick, and laid in bed half-moaning, half-talking to me. Everyone is still down for the count - napping right now - and while I do laundry and spray everything with Lysol ... I found some time to surf the web ...

Have I ever shared this table set? I want it so badly for Claire. I imagine taking pictures of her with her stuffed animals having tea parties in the middle of a field ... (and not stuck in the corner of her room with crayon marks all over it ;)

Found it here: Table and Chairs.

Next, I have been having so much fun learning photoshop, learning to digitally edit, learning how to take better pictures ... so, I spend most of my blogging time looking at photography sites for eye candy. Have I shared this site before? Peek a Boo. I want to be this woman when I grow up. Have you ever seen such cute props and backdrops for photos? Or such sweet photos?

Then, off to find Claire bear some baby legs. These are a new invention since I had Caeden. They are super cute lil' leg warmers that really add a punch to an outfit. I bought some so that Claire can crawl on the wood floors (since that is most of our house). Found them here.

Kids are up ... duty calls!


P.S. Back on good ol' Pioneer Woman's website for a Caesar salad recipe. Seriously, she has the best recipe commentary ever.

P.P.S. From another blog, I found a link of "tried and true" Cooking Light recipes: Make something new. A lot of them look awesome - if you are anything like me, a new "good!" recipe is always nice. I hate trying something new that no one has tried and it flops. I mean, with the price of groceries these days, who can afford a flop, right?

Is the Workout Worth It?

I took Claire to the gym daycare 2 days ago (something I never did with Caeden - for this exact reason).

Yesterday she was sick all day. Up all night with yucky diapers. Today - more of the same.

And then.

Wayne started feeling bad.

And then Caeden came in from playing outside complaining of a stomach ache. Then he promptly threw-up all over the living room. And then our bedroom. And then again.

So, a house full of sick people for 45 minutes on the treadmill. So not worth it. :(

Can't Imagine His Teen Years

What Caeden ate before 9 am:

1. Pop-tart
2. 4 pieces of toast & jam
3. Big bowl of oatmeal

And then an hour later (so, at 10:30 - still an hour away from lunch)

4. 2 more pieces of toast
5. Crackers and Turkey

He has completely by-passed the 4T size and is into 5T. All his shirt sleeves look like 3/4 length!

Uhhh ... growth spurt, anyone?

Playing Around

Playing with some new actions/frames. This is Claire 2 days old. She never took a binkie, so she must have given it up immediately following this nap...

100

The 100 list

This has been floating around for sometime on line. {Color} means been there/done that.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied- just didnt know it !
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelos David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had Chickenpox
89. Saved someone's life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day

When Being "Green" Doesn't Pay.

So. I got my butt in trouble with another speeding ticket today.

I was out and about with Claire - pushing her past her nap time - so that we could stay out and enjoy the beautiful weather. I am so sick of being in the house all day, you know? So, I was going a tad fast, trying to get home and into bed (and hour late) ... and get pulled over.

I had the worst experience ever.

We have USAA insurance, and have opted to get electronic bills, notices, etc. That includes our insurance cards, too. I pulled out my license and registration and insurance ... and came across my insurance print-out that had expired. I explained to the police officer that we must have had forgotten to print off the new one, but we definitely had insurance, etc.

His words, "Well, I know you are lying because I have USAA and they send me BOTH a card in the mail AND an electronic version." -- He is saying this as Claire is sobbing in the back seat from being over-tired.

He cited me - "With no break on the speed because of your insurance story." If only I had kept looking through the paperwork ... the current/valid version was sitting right there.

I have to go to court to prove I have insurance. Since I'm there, I might fight it. To be accused of lying just floored me. I was (am) so upset. Wayne had the great idea that I should take a screen shot of the option online to opt out of paper and take that to court. I totally am.

If only I had just kept looking ... there it is. Current insurance. The jerk.

Love is a Movement

photo by cdduerksen

Etsy has recognized the Cora movement. According to this article, word has spread fast about Cora and her family. It's a wonderful recap, if you didn't read about it before, this article is still incredibly sad, but it is worth reading. It is an example of the goodness of people and their faith in God.

There are many things available to purchase to raise money for Cora's playground. I ordered some headbands for Claire, for me, flower clips, and t-shirts for Claire. Is there something for a friend, your daughter, your niece that would you could get to support Cora's memory? None of the items are expensive and it all goes to Cora's playground fund.

Good Question

Photo: Matilda Jane Clothing. March 1st is the new spring stuff!

Hey - anyone out there with girls ... if I held a virtual Matilda Jane show, would you be interested? Ordering through a show gives you $4 shipping instead the sky-high price they quote online.

In other news, I have been taking Photoshop classes from Jessica Sprague. I am excited that she has created a new class all about photo editing in Photoshop (starts Sunday).

She is giving seats away in her class by asking thought-provoking questions. Today's question is:

What one person, thing, moment, or place do you wish you had a photo of?

and the one you can answer for yourself in your head:

What one person, thing, moment, or place can you STILL go and take a photo of, perhaps TODAY? Or this weekend?

*The photo(s) I wish I had: When I was holding Caeden and Claire for the very first time.

*The photo(s) I can STILL get: Us - all together- this weekend hanging out (maybe in an alley or downtown).

How about you?

Getting There

Claire is starting to get up on her legs, but immediately rolls onto her side. No back-and-forth yet, but it's coming.

Totally lame post, but it is all I have today...

Baby Cora

It is a small blogging world. From a link that Whitney sent me about a house, I found the story of baby Cora. A sweet girl Claire's age that shockingly died of cancer only weeks after symptoms/diagnosis. I warn you that I have been crying all morning, and if you think you might too, this is a blog post you may just want to skip. These are real people with families just like mine and yours. It is unthinkable and unspeakable but if you are able to donate a little something for this precious family, every little bit helps, even if kindness and support is all we as a community can give...

Learn about them here:

http://themcclenahans.blogspot.com/

The family is from Kansas, and there is a Cora Playground fund set up through the Etsy site that you can donate/buy some cute things to fund baby Cora's playground: Cora's Playground.

Snapshots of a Good Life

You should have seen it around here this morning. Today was the registration day for an online photography workshop that I have been so excited to take. I originally signed up months ago and was put on the waiting list ... number 300+. But, there was an advanced sign-up for a class starting in March for anyone on the wait list. So, today was the day.

I knew there were going to be A LOT of people trying to get into the class, it is supposed to be amazing, so I was worried about getting a spot. Wayne, being the awesome person that he is, rearranged his travel so that he could stay home and be my wingman in case I couldn't get it. So, he is downstairs, with 2 laptops open and ready to go and I am upstairs on my computer trying to get in, but the internet was down on my system, and with 2 minutes until registration, I was FREAKING OUT. "Why doesn't our internet work, Wayne?" - In a total accusatory tone, like it is his fault. I fly down the stairs and whip open my laptop (yes, that means there are 4 computers in our house ... not counting all the ones in Wayne's office), and try to log in there.

Nope, internet still down. Now I am really paniced and stomping around. Caeden says, "Is your computer still broken because of the water spilling on it?" Poor little guy was all concerned that I was going to blow a gasket and is trying to talk me down.

I finally get the internet to work, log on, and refresh every second, like a wild woman, until I got into the registration page. Score! I typed as fast as I could, feeling confident that I was in. And then I kept getting errors. The server was crashing. Grrrrreat.

After all the drama, my registration went through and I am now an offical Karen Russell student. Go me! I am pumped to be able to take this class and learn all the little things about photography that (if you don't know them) become the big things.

Her blog.
Her website.

Oh, and about that cut-throat registration. I just checked, and there is still room (when will I learn to stop freaking out?!). She opened up another date.

In other news: Do you not just adore the wall in this bedroom? I want to do something like this in C & C's playroom. Love it! I would decorate like that in Caeden's bedroom, but I know he would tear it apart while "napping." I found the pictures here: Ohdeedoh.



And. This. Paint. Color. I loooooove it. Where could I paint this color at? What do you think about the downstairs powder room? My craft room is in the loft, which I open to the downstairs, do you think it is too much if you could see this color from the living room?

My dream is to have an old house with white cabinets in the kitchen - where it would not be odd at all to have this color in there. It kind of reminds me of Anthropologie for some reason.

I want to know what you think. Please post a comment, people.

Memories

Every summer my brother and I would go stay with my grandpa and grandma Parks for a couple of weeks. I will never forget the yellow farm house with the American flag waving in the yard. The huge barn-red barn full of wild cats, tractors, and the smell of hay.

We would run around the farm, tan and lean, going from one thing to the next. We'd swim in the irrigation ditch (if I ever get cancer, I will know why), catch frogs, drive/wreck the 4-wheeler...

My grandma would cook and bake up a storm. Huge breakfasts, amazing hot lunches (grandpa's favorite meal of the day) and very light dinners. She'd make chocolate chip cookies and bake bread almost everyday. I remember Brian and I would slather on her homemade jam onto warm bread and she'd always wonder why we never used butter. It just didn't need it.

I'll never forget the smoothness of my grandpa's hands. He was a farmer, yes, but he always wore gloves. His hands never aged a day, and even in his later years, his hands looked like those of someone 40 or 50 years younger. Amazing.

He had a sparkle in his eye and loved to chew Winter Mint gum ...

My grandma, who is now living in Spearfish, had the longest hair imaginable. She always kept it up in a bun, and I remember sneaking into her room at night when she would take it down to brush it - it was such a feminine gesture, the brushing of her hair, and as a little girl I thought it was so alluring.

At the end of our visits each year, out would come the Polaroid camera. They would take pictures of Brian and I - happy, content, sun-kissed, and probably a little homesick. I was just amazed at the instant-ness of them...and I loved to wave them around, hoping to speed up the drying time.

I never saw the collection of photos they took over the years, and have often wondered who has them. I suspect my biological father does, but I don't know for sure. They are tied to such sweet times of my childhood...

When I saw this old Polaroid frame, all those memories came flooding back. Of course, this picture is of Wayne & Claire, but the sweetness of the old-fashioned picture goes way back ...

{Happy Valentine's Day}

*Caeden got his first box of chocolates (Hershey Kisses inside)

*Wayne made a yummy (short rib) beef stroganoff for dinner.

*Caeden took a pink bath (love those color tabs for the tub!)

*We all received Valentines from Grandma and Grandpa. Caeden played with his new monster truck, Claire slobbered all over her new stuffed animal (lion, complete with a pink and red mane), and Wayne and I are saving our Valentine money for a night out on the town.
Thank you Mom and Dad!

*A friend brought over pink cupcakes with a heart shaped brownie atop each one. YUM!

*Wayne spoiled me rotten once again ... I can count the ways he loved me: calls, texting, pictures, email ... on my new iPhone! (I am still trying to get his present put together - I have until midnight, right...?)

*Happy Valentine's Day to all! Mmm-wah!

Valentine's Party

I have no pictures of today's party because we were busy making Valentine people, decorating sugar cookies, playing Valentine Bingo, and playing "duck - duck - goose."

Things I overheard today:

Caeden to a friend: "I love holding your hand."

Caeden to his teacher after decorating cookies: "This is the best birthday ever!"

Caeden to his friend T (T wanted to go home - didn't want to be at school): "T, it's okay, my Mommy will take you home and then you can be with your Me Ma."

And, the proud Mommy moment: each child took turns giving out their Valentines to each other. Everytime someone dropped one into Caeden's box, he would say thank you. Sometimes, "awww, thank yooooou." :)

A card for every moment

The last one is my favorite. :)

Found them here.

Arts & Crafts

We love arts and craft time. It happens everyday at the same time - during Claire's morning nap. We color, stamp, paint, cut ... you name it. I love it as much as he does!


This week we have been working on his Valentine's Day box for school. Do you remember those? I loved Valentine's Day at school as a kid ... just to see all those boxes decorated to the hilt. Plus, the Valentine's were so fun. "Oh good! You love me, too!"


So, for Caeden's project: we hunted for an old shoe box and Caeden painted the lid red and the box white.


He stamped old fashioned trucks onto cardstock (that later will be hauling loads of Valentine's in it's bed).

He placed stickers all over the lid and box ...

And finished with a big grin.

Today we're making heart sugar cookies for his school party tomorrow.

Wednesday already?

The past couple of days have been a blur. Sick kids, sick me, sick all around. Last night I literally slept sitting up-right in Claire's rocking chair, holding her upright, so that she wouldn't cough. The night before? Teething got us both up every couple of hours. This week has been a blur.

This picture might be the last of her gummie-ness. :)


Just checked my email and was excited to see a link to this: Matilda Jane. I think I have mentioned this company before, but basically they have the cutest girl clothes on earth. Unfortunately, the only way to get them is to order through a trunk show (think: Pampered Chef). That is all fine and dandy, but I don't know anyone who sells the stuff. I wish I could order it the old fashioned way, you know, online.



This morning we finished Caeden's Valentine box. He did such a good job painting, stamping, using glitter glue, slapping stickers down everywhere ...I'll post it on Valentine's Day. Oh, speaking of, you know those felt Valentine envelopes I told you about? Mine came in the mail and they are just darling. I am going to write the kids a love letter every year and give it to them in their special envelope each Valentine morning. I love having kids so that I can do stuff like this.

Back to it ...

What we did ...

While the fellas were away ... we played peek-a-boo.

We played, "I'm gunna get yoooo-u."


We rocked in the rocking chair ...

And we napped {there is no picture of that}.

Weekend Update

Grandpa & Claire having a blast ...

Claire groping Grandpa's face. It's how you know she really likes you. :)



I know I have been a bad blogger (no Monday post - thanks for the email reminders! :).
Water spilled on my beloved MacBook Pro, so my keyboard is jacked. That's why I didn't post. But anyway, onto the weekend update.

We had the best weekend. Caeden was on cloud 9 all weekend. His Grandpa was here and all was right with the world. There was hardly a moment when they weren't together : playing in the playroom, going for a walk to see the construction site, playing in the back yard, or ... just sitting together. My heart gets so full when I think of how much love Caeden has for Dad/Grandpa. There is just nothing like it. See? Like right now, as I type this - {heart is filled to the brim}.

Can you believe I do not have a single picture of them together?! I think it was because they were always so busy playing (and not wanting me to get to close as to ruin the fun) that I didn't get a chance. But trust me, they would have been great - Caeden would be staring at his Grandpa with adoration and clutching toy monster trucks. :)

Dad, do you know how Caeden looks up to you? How even when you and Mom aren't here ... you are? In memories, in stories that Caeden tells, in the fabric of our daily grind. Today, for example, you are back at work in RC, but as Caeden was painting his Valentine's Day box, he wondered out loud, "I wonder what color Grandpa likes best?" You are always on his mind.

Anyway, the mushy stuff had me sidetracked for a second, when the real attention should be the MONSTER TRUCK SHOW. :) Yes, Caeden took Wayne and Grandpa to the show. I think it was quite painful for Wayne (he had great stories about the other attendees) but Caeden had a blast. This morning he had his toys lined up just like at the show. I had to stand on the sidelines and wave a flag, "Just like they did at the show, Mommy."

It has been back to reality this week. School yesterday, swimming lessons today, and Friday is the Valentine's party. We're in charge of bringing plain {heart} sugar cookies for the kids to decorate, so I suppose we'll be doing that Thursday night...

Sunday

Caeden is taking Wayne and Grandpa to the Monster Truck show today. He can't wait!!
So, I'll be busy cleaning, doing laundry, etc.

You know I am kidding! I'm taking a nap with Claire! :) Here's to a lazy day. Just my style!