Did Anyone Make Bets?

I'm back in Rapid. Claire is still sick and I needed to be here to care for her. Being out of town with a husband coming off of chemo and a sick child was a dumb idea. But I had to try.

My employer, Gold Pages Publishing, is still mulling over what to do with their newest employee. Obviously they are dazzled with my amazing talent, so I am hoping they agree to let me start work once Wayne is done with chemo - it coincides with when the Black Hills campaign (the process of advertising happens in cycles) starts this fall. That means I'll be home every night. We'll see what happens. So, if anyone made bets - I officially lasted 1 week and 2 days.

Get this: I've paid for 1 entire month of daycare and the kids used 4 days total. No refunds. Ouch!

Anyway, things should settle down. The kids and I will head to the pool, go to the park, and take care of things around here. Wayne will feel better that I am close enough to handle things - as he said, "now is not the time" - for change. For complications. For hardship.

That means we're simplifying.

Simply holding each other tight and being grateful that we can. Everything else can wait.

Hurt.

As I type this, Wayne is on his way to Rapid. I wish I could see the look on Caeden's face when Wayne walks through the door tonight (Grandma, you have permission to keep him up late if you want!).

Claire was sick this weekend and got worse last night, so Grandma stayed home with the kids today because daycare wasn't an option. I left the house this morning so thankful that Donna is my mother in law, feeling so blessed that she is the kids' Grandma, but at the same time, feeling like a horrible Mom. I feel like I am never around. That when something happens, that I am not able to take care of them. Why is it that when my family needs me the most I am not there? Not in Rapid, not in Houston. Not anywhere they are.

My heart hurts.

I had my first day out in Pierre today. My sales manager rode with me as I got my feet wet. Didn't make any sales, but I am going to be proposing to an attorney's office in town to take either the front cover or the back cover. I aim high! Too bad I scheduled it for the week I will be in Houston with Wayne. Doesn't that just sound like something I would do?!

My head hurts.

Anyway, Pierre is a nice little town. I certainly drove around enough today to see a good portion of it. People are very friendly but walking in to a business to sell them advertising is an art. I have a lot to learn. A lot.

My feet hurt!

Is it just me or are my posts getting more and more depressing?! I promise to lighten up. I'm just not promising when.

Maybe I need to go get a beer.

That couldn't hurt.

Still Here.

This might be the longest break I've taken on the blog. Thanks to your emails, there is no way I could have forgotten to update it. :)

Wayne is on day 5 of chemo in Houston. He is tired but doing well. His dad is with him to remind him to drink lots of water and take care of him. It's comforting to know they're together, but it is difficult to be back here and not with Wayne. None of it feels good, but sometimes what is necessary doesn't always feel good. I keep reminding myself of this. Sometimes multiple times a day.

I started work this week. The office is great! I am traveling to Pierre next week to start selling advertising. I'll be gone M-Wednesday evening - missing Wayne by 1 day. He gets back Monday night, so I think we average almost 2 weeks apart before we see each other (between him being in Houston and my travel schedule). I hate doing the math on that because it makes me so sad.

The kids had their first week of daycare. Caeden has adjusted really well, although the first few days were horrible. He hated it. I hated it. It was just hard. However, it has turned out to be great for him. They keep him busy with activities and lots of kids to play with. Claire is upstairs with the other babies, and I am less thrilled with her arrangement. There are 12 babies and 3 people to care of them - all teenagers. She comes home dirty everyday and it is just so hard to see her not cared for in the manner that she needs. Needless to say, I am looking for somewhere else for her. Daycare - the entire topic has the ability to send my blood pressure through the roof. Sometimes I wonder if it's going to be one of those things that I will ever get used to.

We've been staying with Dave and Donna until our house sells. Donna has been wonderful! The mornings and evenings to so much smoother because of her help. When I fall into bed absolutely exhausted at 9 pm, she still finds the energy to go to the grocery store. Bless her!

Speaking of house, here is our listing: Koop House For Sale. We had it almost sold last weekend but the people who loved it needed 4 bedrooms and so they went with their 2nd choice. Such a bummer!

Off to weed the strawberries. They are starting to ripen! Yummm.

Welcome Home

We've arrived! Yesterday we packed up the UHaul, said our goodbyes, and hit the road.

Wayne and Caeden were in the UHaul. We brought only the neccessities:

1. Every single shoe and handbag I own
2. Caeden's toys - including all the broken ones and the ones missing pieces
3. Wayne's Grill and Green Egg (BBQ all summer long)
4. Kitchen towels and a million clothes hangers

I have no idea where my work clothes are, where the kids' P.J's are, where anything is - really, but of course, I opened that box with kitchen towels straight away.

Yes, so all the neccessities are not really neccessities, but when you have a UHaul to fill up, things find a way inside.

Anyway, back to the road trip. On a not-so-particular stretch of road we came across a TURTLE crossing the hot, busy highway. Poor ol' crabby turtle, it's belly must have been on fire trying to move as fast as possible to avoid traffic traveling at 75 mph.

I watched that poor creature for as long as I could in my rear view mirror before I lost sight of him. I smiled all the rest of the way here because the turtle was a sign.

When Wayne and I were dating we were driving around the countryside somewhere in SD and came across a turtle doing the very same thing as the one from yesterday. I have a soft spot for the ancient creatures, and asked Wayne to please pull over and go help that sweet thing across the road. Without hesitation Wayne screatched to a hault and went to find that turtle. I watched as he tried to avoid getting his finger bit off as he placed in the grass, safely on the other side of the highway.

That's when I knew he was the one.

That crotchety ol' turtle crossing the highway might as well have had a banner tethered to his shell that said "Welcome Home."

Collage

I've seen this collage effect on other blogs and figured out how to do it. It's a free software program called Picasa (from Google). Download it here: Picasa. They have PC and Mac versions.
The program is designed to store and edit your photos, but I like it just for this application.

The other thing I've been trying to do is make my pictures larger. I found a tutorial here: BIG. Doesn't look difficult, however I don't feel like focusing. Got some last minute packing to do before Michelle gets here in the morning to help me stage and clean.

Off to pack up my bathroom - if you were here, you would hear me talking out loud...

"Do I pack the 5 bottles of perfume I haven't worn in years?"
"Does conditioner have a shelf life?"
"If I use cotton balls as packing material, can I reuse them later?"

Best if I packed alone, huh?

Almost. Done.

Let's just clear the air now. My brother in law went and saw my favorite artist of all time (and Claire's, too!). John Mayer. In a super intimate, impromptu setting. He could probably smell JM's sweat (although we know he'd never admit to that). If I was the jealous sort, I'm sure I would have woken up green this morning.

In other news, the packing is just about done. There's clothes, a few kitchen items, and the stereo/tv stuff to pack, and then, that's it. Done. Goodness, How I have waited to type those words.

What's left? Paint touch up, cleaning, and staging. The house will be on the market on Wednesday. We'll be on our way to Rapid on Thursday.

Wayne's blood count is bottoming out. Yesterday he was at .5 (almost zero white blood). Tired but in good spirits. We're trying to avoid crowds and people in hopes to keep him healthy.

Please forgive the blurry picture. Have to rely on my iPhone until I get to Rapid. Oh how I miss my camera. But still. Look at those sweet kids. Caeden is in his underwear, as usual, and Claire is trying to avoid his grip on her. I'm enjoying every last moment with them before the big "Day Care" week starts. Hard to think I'll see them for 1 hour in the morning, and 2 at night when all their lives I've had them to myself. Poor Val, I know. I'm done whining. Just know this: next Monday morning, I will have cried my makeup off before I arrive at work.

And then I will pull myself together and ROCK my new job.

Inspired.

This could describe me. But also, I need another sign that says, "I am totally sick of packing and am ready to sell everything I own so 1) I don't have to pack it 2) I can take Wayne to a tropical island."

Could someone make me a sign that said that, too?

iPhone Pictures ... Don't Judge Me.

Booster Seat. Riveting, isn't it?


Big Girl Car Seat and post-nap hair. AKA Grandpa hair.


The other two were just teasers for what you all really wanted to see. Here he is, in his tanned, bald glory. Looking great, huh?! He's feeling so good, that he's ready to go back to work. I KNOW! Isn't he amazing?

Right Now.

Wayne is feeling good. Took Caeden to summer camp and is going to go clean out the truck.

Claire is squawking in her crib in protest of a nap.

I haven't showered in 2 days and my hair looks like a throw-back of the beehive hair-do era.

I am devouring a still warm from the oven banana-chocolate chip muffin from my sweet neighbor, Kim.

My feet hurt from doing yard work in flip flops. My back hurts from not "lifting with my knees."

This photograph is inspiring to me to recreate with Caeden and Claire (to hang in laundry room of course):

(I cannot remember where I downloaded it from, sorry!)

I love Neutrogena Make Up Remover wipes. My mascara is stubborn and I have been amazed at how it slips right off with these wonder wipes. The bonus is you can fly with them in your carry on bag.

We are STILL trying to figure out if we should sell our house or lease it. Maybe we should take a vote. What do YOU think?

I have packed most everything in the house but still have to pack the basement and garage. Ugh.

I am house hunting in Rapid City and have fallen in love with the West Blvd. District. Found this house yesterday:

Cute #1
-It sits near a busy street so I worry about noise.
- The kitchen needs to be remodeled
-Love the curb appeal, the back yard is fenced, the price point makes remodeling possible

Found this one a couple of weeks ago:

Cute #2
-HUGE closets, original hardwood floors, great curb appeal
-Needs a new roof within 5 years (no leaks or anything, just old), one bathroom upstairs for 3 bedrooms, backyard is small, only 1 car garage.

Okay, break time is over. Back to the grind!

He's Home!

And looking suspiciously tan. I'm wondering if that bald head of his had some pool time.

Wayne looks amazing. He says he feels really good. It's just completely different than how it has been. I am so happy! So relieved. So very, very relieved.

An iPhone picture tomorrow (my camera is in SD) to prove what a looker Wayne is. Seriously, it is just fantastic to have him home. To have him feeling okay.

Let's just hope we can keep his blood count on the rebound! He has appointments all week to keep his blood count in check, and also an appointment coming up with Dr. Parker (his heart surgeon). Then, it's back to Houston on the 22nd for round 4.

Welcome Home Baby.

Tornados

Photo Credit MSNBC.com

(I haven't talked to Wayne yet but will post an update when I hear from him.)

Packing away yesterday, totally unaware of what was going on outside. A mall about 10 minutes from our house is closed due to damage from the tornado (s). I suppose it should have clicked with me when Lindsay text me and said her flight was delayed due to the weather. You can read the story here.

The scary thought? I thought I was really "with it" compared to the day before. :)

Last night me and the kids went over to Melissa and Chris's house for pizza and margaritas. An entire evening of normal. Laughing and catching up was so wonderful. I forget how hunkered down I have been. It was like coming up for air.

Mel has rallied her sweet Mom, Linda, and her friend Laurie to come help me pack Wednesday. Chris has volunteered to take care of the lawn while the house is for sale.

My dear friend Kellie and her husband Dan are headed through Denver on their way to SD and have offered to pick up stuff from the house and bring it up for us (they have a trailer). I had no idea how I was going to get anything but clothes up to Rapid until the "big move."

There are a hundred other acts of kindness and support that have been shown to us. How do I begin to thank you all? I worry that I forgot to send a thank you note, I worry that you don't know how much of a help you really are - how grateful and blessed we feel to have you in our lives. So please forgive me if I haven't been as responsive as I should. But know there is no way we could do it alone.

XOXO

Wayne

Wayne is still doing great. He is on day 4 (total of 6 days this time) and isn't having any of the neuro effects he did before. Dave calls throughout the day to keep me posted on Wayne's progress.

Just wanted to let you all know he's hanging in there!

How It Goes

6 am - kids wake up

6:05 - Caeden asks for breakfast, to which I respond, "We have no milk, bread, or eggs." Caeden says, "Frozen waffle?" Nope. "Toaster Strudel??" Uh...no.

6:15 - We are at the grocery store. Caeden is following behind me, eating a donut straight from the case and still in his pajamas. Claire has hair sticking up all over the place and is also still in jammies. I look horrible, I'm sure, but I never looked in the mirror before we left, so God only knows how bad it really was.

7 am - Back at home, I am feeling like mother of the year because we now have food in the house.

8:30 - Caeden! You have summer camp today!!! (Just remembering). I quickly scramble to get him dressed, put together his snack and bottled water, and found some sunscreen to take along.

8:50 - Arrive at school only to see an empty parking lot. Summer camp was M-Thurs. ... we missed it.

9:00 - Not feeling like mother of the year because now I have a totally upset little boy in the back seat asking me where are all of his friends (That he has missed so much)???

Fast forward to 7:30 pm. The kids are in bed and I got exactly 3 boxes packed today. At this rate I'll be here for another 4 months. Or five.

Hoping to be more "with it" tomorrow. But hey, sometimes that's just how it goes.

In Wayne News:

The past 2 rounds have landed him in the hospital by day 3. He is doing great this time! He isn't nauseous and is cognitively sound. Wonderful, wonderful news. MDA is such a blessing. He's got 3 more days of chemo and will be home (hopefully) on Tuesday.

Love the One You're With ... and the One still in Houston

These two kept each other entertained on our 8+ hour drive home (road construction) today. Caeden makes a lot of ridiculous sounds that get Claire belly laughing - and before I know it, I'm laughing, too.

Our little clan of 3 arrived home to find:

1. Our front lawn looks horrible - HUGE, giant, brown patches of grass ... completely dead. The backyard looks great. Too bad the Realtor won't use a back shot for our for sale flyer.

2. The house smells good. We haven't been home in 2 weeks, but that unique smell hit me when I walked in. It smells like A/C, Downy Fabric Softener, and Summer all rolled into one.

3. A garage full of boxes that my friend Michelle so graciously coordinated for me. Thank You!

4. Leaving is going to be harder than I thought. We drove by the swimming pool and I saw lots of kids splashing with abandon in the pool. I was really looking forward to spending lots of hot, lazy days at the pool with the kids...so Caeden could practice swimming and Claire could look adorable with her belly sticking out over her red polka dot bikini.

5. All my lilies are blooming. Bright yellow and glorious pink petals greeted us from the front porch.

Wayne is doing great. He is still eating and not feeling "off." Dave is taking wonderful care of him, and I hope he knows that me and Donna (his Mom) are loving him tonight. The kind of loving that only a Mom and a Wife know how to do long distance. It's the kind of love where you think of them constantly, wondering if he's cold. Wondering if he is tired. Wondering if something is wrong but if he's too afraid to complain. Wondering if he has a warm blanket. If he'll sleep good tonight.

Donna will probably pick up a lone sock of his, and place it in his room. I'll stare at his side of the bed until my eyelids become too heavy and finally close.

Loving you from afar tonight, baby.

Sometimes there are no words ...

to describe a feeling.

I miss my children and want to see them ASAP. But when I am with them, I will be missing Wayne terribly.

I'll be in a state of ... refer to above photo ... until Wayne is through with chemo and with us again. I'm on an airplane this afternoon and headed back to Rapid and then driving down to Denver tomorrow with the kids. Wayne will be starting chemo as I pull into Denver. He'll be going through 5 days and nights of chemo (some of it is 24 hour continuous infusion) as I pack up the house.

He'll be in Houston with his dad. I'll be in Denver with the kids.

There are no words.

What He's Doing Today

We sit in the nuclear waiting room at 6:30 waiting for another day to begin. This morning he gets a new catheter inserted below his clavicle. Through this line, his chemo will be administered. It's a little early for such seriousness, don't you think?

Today at a Glance

There are fountains. There are trees. Flowers. And Technology.

The building we are in right now is sunny, clean, and full of color. I look around at each person - knowing that we are all on similar journeys - either as the caregiver or the patient, and one thing is for sure - we're in the right place.