Summer Nights

We wandered downtown last night to enjoy the Thursday night festivities called, "Summer Nights."

Sixth & 7th streets are blocked off, live music is playing, there's food, a beer garden, fun stuff for the kids ... and this amazing graffiti alley to link it all together.


Not the best picture I've ever taken, but considering I was holding Claire, pushing the stroller, AND taking pictures, I'm just glad I got it.



Caeden's tattoo. We have this in common. However, he hasn't noticed that mine doesn't rub off like his does. We'll save that conversation for later.



Pie. Yummy, glorious pie from my friend Vanessa's pie shop. We tried cherry & blueberry cream. Deliciousness on a paper plate.



Funny faces. Claire does this smooched lip face that never fails to draw an audience. Especially me!

We didn't stay late as Wayne and Caeden were tired. I think Claire was up for it, though, cuz' she was dancing to the music and people watching like crazy. Takes after her Mama.



We ended up back at home, sitting outside and watching Caeden drive the riding lawnmower. A perfect Summer Night.

Muffins

Picture Credit: Good ol' Martha

Kim is my friend and neighbor in Colorado. One morning when I was packing up the house and trying to keep two small children entertained at the same, she arrived with fresh from the oven banana chocolate chip muffins. I realize the above picture is for banana-blueberry, but it's whatever floats your boat. The blueberries are looking wonderful right now, anyway.

So anyway, I was totally stressed out, which means I was starving, too. (They seem to go hand in hand with me. Am I alone in this confession?)

Here comes Kim with these warm muffins. I ate two while standing up at the kitchen counter (quite possibly because my kitchen table and chairs were packed - or in another room - or underneath a pile of boxes). Caeden kept telling me thank you (for feeding him something other than dry cheerios). Let's just say these muffins were a big hit.

And the amazing part of this story: they are super healthy. I swear you'd never guess. Do yourself a favor and make some today. The recipe makes 36 muffins, so bring some to work, too.

Kim's Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins

Combine dry ingredients:

1 1/2 C Flour (White Whole Wheat)
1 1/2 C Flour (White Unbleached)
3 tsp. baking soda
1 1/4 C Oat Bran
8 oz. Chocolate Chips (I used the entire bag, but I am wild and crazy that way)

Cream together:
1/2 C. Butter (1 stick)
2 tsp. Almond extract
1 tsp. Vanilla extract
1/2 C Sugar

Add:
10 (that's right, I said 10) smooshed bananas (or just throw them in the mixer like I did)
2 Flax Eggs*

*Flax Eggs are an amazing thing. Mix 2 tsp. flax with 3 TBSP. water and microwave for 40-45 seconds. They turn into the consistency of eggs. All the Omega 3's and no cholesterol. Hardly any calories. I mean, come on, it practically erases the sugar.

Bake in muffin cups at 325 for 20-25 minutes.

P.S.

Here's what I was doing at 10:11 on 7/08/09:

Chasing Caeden around the back yard with my camera yelling, "This is important, Caeden! This is important!" and him grabbing a toy shovel and pointing it at me saying, "Back up, Mom!"

Couldn't tell THAT lil' scenario from this picture, could you??

Deadwood

Here's the view of Deadwood from our balcony at the Mineral Palace. We spent some time out there watching the people walk by and enjoying the warm summer night.

Then we moved inside to our room. Or should I say, suite. OMG. The room was amazing. The bathroom was a bathing mecca. The tub so deep, so big, that if you were a little person, you could swim laps. Alas, I am not, but I did soak. As did Wayne, twice. The shower had one of those cool glass doors that swooshed when you opened/closed it. I had to really give myself a pep talk to emerge from it this morning.

The bed was made with linens that were sooo soft. And an enormous, gigantic t.v. was perfectly centered above the fireplace. We watched something about Michael Jackson, making judgemental comments about Debra Rowe, while we let our dinner settle. I took lots of pictures but they all turned out dark. But trust me, next time you want to celebrate or splurge, book room 341 at the Mineral Palace. You won't be sorry.

3 Card Poker kicked our butts. Things were going just fine until the dealer switch. Rosie did us NO favors. Bring back David. He wasn't much of a talker, but he could sure deal cards!

This morning we drove home, taking in the gorgeous scenery all around us. It is so pretty here. Really, really green. Peaceful. Clean. Relaxing. For the 1,000th time in 24 hours, I wish I had brought my camera. There is only so much an iPhone can excel at, you know?

It was a wonderful night away. Exactly what the Doctor ordered.

A 3 and a 7

Caeden, how old is Daddy today?

A 3 and a 7.

I'll take some fun pictures today and post them ... but this one is a favorite for all time.

The Low Down ....

Going to Armadillos for lunch (Steamburger and a Shake)

Caeden picked out a new blanket for Wayne (who is cold a lot). It's blue and feels so soft. Caeden said (as he was picking it out), "It feels like my Tiny." - which is his security blanket.

Wayne is getting a dock for his phone from me. I always stress over his presents because he is SO HARD to shop for. Have to get it in Denver, though.

Eating Cake. Lots and lots of cake.

Then we're headed to Deadwood. Staying in a hotel and hanging out. Going to dinner, maybe a little 3 card poker ...

That's it - low key and easy.

Happy Birthday Honey!

What will you be doing?

Stole this graphic from here. Not to skip over Wayne's birthday (which is tomorrow, people. But I know you are all good enough and organized enough not to forget anyone's birthday, right?), but how cool is it going to be on the 8th? Take a picture of what you were doing at 10:11 (and 12 seconds if you are into being precise) on Wednesday. Or write a comment and tell me what you were doing. From the comments left, I will choose a random number, and the corresponding response will win a HUGE prize.

*Again, not to skip over, make light of, or indicate in anyway that tomorrow is less important. After all, tomorrow there will be cake!

P.S. Tricia, how in the world do I create my own graphics like this?

P.P.S. There is no huge prize. I'm still living out of boxes, people.

Weekend Update Part 3

Thought the sepia tone of the photo would tone down the striped Christmas p.j.s. Should have known nothing could tone those suckers down.



Hope you had a wonderful weekend with your family. I know we did.



There's the golf cart keys! Should have known it runs in the family ...

Weekend Update Part 2 (Read Part One First)

I knew you wouldn't follow directions, you crazy reader, you. Just another picture of Grandpa taking his life in his own hands.


The sweet goodness we've been eating directly out of the garden.

The garden I should be weeding but am blogging instead.

Weekend Update Part 1

Fireworks were a huge hit this year. Lots of volcanos and rockets to keep Caeden entertained.


See what I mean? Happy as a clam. And yes, I realize my child is either naked or wearing pajamas waaaay too much. I've embraced it.


That one must have gone waaaaaaaaaaaay up in the air.
(Or, it might have been the one that came down and landed on the roof.)



So here are the two peas in a pod. Yes, Caeden is driving the golf cart (but not looking at the road. Small technicality, really.) I'm bracing myself to see him driving Grandpa's pick up before too long.

What She Does

She takes 2 naps.

She crawls as fast as she can to catch the cat. Still trying.

Says: Dada, Mama, Bye Bye, Night Night, Don't, No ... and Grandpa (according to Grandpa).

Loves to crawl under things and get stuck.

Really loves to eat. Right now, Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins are her favorite.

Smells like lavendar and baby drool.

Still doesn't have any teeth.

She snuggles into my neck and lets me rub her back when she is tired or upset.

Goes to sleep in a minute if I tickle her face ... especially her forehead and cheeks.

Laughs at anything Caeden does.

She loves to go for rides with Caeden in his four-wheeler.

Is easy going and rarely fusses.

Seems to love having me home again ...

What He Does

He sprays for weeds using a very potent combination of 1) water & 2) water. Shhh, don't tell.

He follows Grandpa around the farm.

He follows Grandma around the yard.

He plants onions in the garden.

He eats strawberries straight from the garden, pausing only for a second to wipe off the dirt.

He drives his pickup truck and four-wheeler.

He plays in his sandbox.

He asks to go see Mike and Deb ... knowing they will indulge his love affair with their Bobcat (truck, not animal).

He comes inside only to ask for ice water and something to eat.

He takes a bath at night, gets his p.j's on, and then goes back outside to do it all again.

He sleeps so good at night.

He always asks the same question: "Mom, are we going to stay here for a long time?"

And when I tell him yes, he smiles and runs back outside again.

This is what he does.

The Kindness of Others

These are our others. Our dear friends from Parker that we miss so dearly. The ones that live beside us, across from us, just down from us. The ones that saw us through some very dark days. Through some fun, hot summer days. Through normal, "let's walk together and get the mail" days... and all the other days, too.


We had a brown patch in our front yard resulting from a chinch (?) bug outbreak - brought by our old lawn service (I know this because our neighbors used the same service and also got the same bugs as we did). I blasted the darn things with poison before we left, hoping for the best; that our grass would grow back.

Apparently I was being overly optimistic.

So tonight, I got an email from Kasey with these pictures. The lump in my throat is huge, even as I type this. If I had to mutter one word I would probably lose it. I realize how easy it would have been to look at the brown spot and think, "Wow, wait until Val sees this. She needs someone out here to fix it." Or, "Glad that's not my yard." Or whatever. It would have been easy to do absolutely nothing at all. But not these guys.

They cut out the old grass (it was not a small area). They got new sod. Lugged and tugged it into place. Watered it. And still had the energy to smile for a picture.

Not to mention our dear friends who mow our yard and check on our house. Or, yet, the other ones who call, email, and text messages to let us know we haven't been forgotten.

To all of you - we are so blessed. Thank you for your kindness. We feel your love all the way up here.

Thank you.

And when we get back to town (July 19th) - be ready for repayment in the form of margaritas! I don't know what we'd do without you all. See you soon!

XOXO

Did Anyone Make Bets?

I'm back in Rapid. Claire is still sick and I needed to be here to care for her. Being out of town with a husband coming off of chemo and a sick child was a dumb idea. But I had to try.

My employer, Gold Pages Publishing, is still mulling over what to do with their newest employee. Obviously they are dazzled with my amazing talent, so I am hoping they agree to let me start work once Wayne is done with chemo - it coincides with when the Black Hills campaign (the process of advertising happens in cycles) starts this fall. That means I'll be home every night. We'll see what happens. So, if anyone made bets - I officially lasted 1 week and 2 days.

Get this: I've paid for 1 entire month of daycare and the kids used 4 days total. No refunds. Ouch!

Anyway, things should settle down. The kids and I will head to the pool, go to the park, and take care of things around here. Wayne will feel better that I am close enough to handle things - as he said, "now is not the time" - for change. For complications. For hardship.

That means we're simplifying.

Simply holding each other tight and being grateful that we can. Everything else can wait.

Hurt.

As I type this, Wayne is on his way to Rapid. I wish I could see the look on Caeden's face when Wayne walks through the door tonight (Grandma, you have permission to keep him up late if you want!).

Claire was sick this weekend and got worse last night, so Grandma stayed home with the kids today because daycare wasn't an option. I left the house this morning so thankful that Donna is my mother in law, feeling so blessed that she is the kids' Grandma, but at the same time, feeling like a horrible Mom. I feel like I am never around. That when something happens, that I am not able to take care of them. Why is it that when my family needs me the most I am not there? Not in Rapid, not in Houston. Not anywhere they are.

My heart hurts.

I had my first day out in Pierre today. My sales manager rode with me as I got my feet wet. Didn't make any sales, but I am going to be proposing to an attorney's office in town to take either the front cover or the back cover. I aim high! Too bad I scheduled it for the week I will be in Houston with Wayne. Doesn't that just sound like something I would do?!

My head hurts.

Anyway, Pierre is a nice little town. I certainly drove around enough today to see a good portion of it. People are very friendly but walking in to a business to sell them advertising is an art. I have a lot to learn. A lot.

My feet hurt!

Is it just me or are my posts getting more and more depressing?! I promise to lighten up. I'm just not promising when.

Maybe I need to go get a beer.

That couldn't hurt.

Still Here.

This might be the longest break I've taken on the blog. Thanks to your emails, there is no way I could have forgotten to update it. :)

Wayne is on day 5 of chemo in Houston. He is tired but doing well. His dad is with him to remind him to drink lots of water and take care of him. It's comforting to know they're together, but it is difficult to be back here and not with Wayne. None of it feels good, but sometimes what is necessary doesn't always feel good. I keep reminding myself of this. Sometimes multiple times a day.

I started work this week. The office is great! I am traveling to Pierre next week to start selling advertising. I'll be gone M-Wednesday evening - missing Wayne by 1 day. He gets back Monday night, so I think we average almost 2 weeks apart before we see each other (between him being in Houston and my travel schedule). I hate doing the math on that because it makes me so sad.

The kids had their first week of daycare. Caeden has adjusted really well, although the first few days were horrible. He hated it. I hated it. It was just hard. However, it has turned out to be great for him. They keep him busy with activities and lots of kids to play with. Claire is upstairs with the other babies, and I am less thrilled with her arrangement. There are 12 babies and 3 people to care of them - all teenagers. She comes home dirty everyday and it is just so hard to see her not cared for in the manner that she needs. Needless to say, I am looking for somewhere else for her. Daycare - the entire topic has the ability to send my blood pressure through the roof. Sometimes I wonder if it's going to be one of those things that I will ever get used to.

We've been staying with Dave and Donna until our house sells. Donna has been wonderful! The mornings and evenings to so much smoother because of her help. When I fall into bed absolutely exhausted at 9 pm, she still finds the energy to go to the grocery store. Bless her!

Speaking of house, here is our listing: Koop House For Sale. We had it almost sold last weekend but the people who loved it needed 4 bedrooms and so they went with their 2nd choice. Such a bummer!

Off to weed the strawberries. They are starting to ripen! Yummm.

Welcome Home

We've arrived! Yesterday we packed up the UHaul, said our goodbyes, and hit the road.

Wayne and Caeden were in the UHaul. We brought only the neccessities:

1. Every single shoe and handbag I own
2. Caeden's toys - including all the broken ones and the ones missing pieces
3. Wayne's Grill and Green Egg (BBQ all summer long)
4. Kitchen towels and a million clothes hangers

I have no idea where my work clothes are, where the kids' P.J's are, where anything is - really, but of course, I opened that box with kitchen towels straight away.

Yes, so all the neccessities are not really neccessities, but when you have a UHaul to fill up, things find a way inside.

Anyway, back to the road trip. On a not-so-particular stretch of road we came across a TURTLE crossing the hot, busy highway. Poor ol' crabby turtle, it's belly must have been on fire trying to move as fast as possible to avoid traffic traveling at 75 mph.

I watched that poor creature for as long as I could in my rear view mirror before I lost sight of him. I smiled all the rest of the way here because the turtle was a sign.

When Wayne and I were dating we were driving around the countryside somewhere in SD and came across a turtle doing the very same thing as the one from yesterday. I have a soft spot for the ancient creatures, and asked Wayne to please pull over and go help that sweet thing across the road. Without hesitation Wayne screatched to a hault and went to find that turtle. I watched as he tried to avoid getting his finger bit off as he placed in the grass, safely on the other side of the highway.

That's when I knew he was the one.

That crotchety ol' turtle crossing the highway might as well have had a banner tethered to his shell that said "Welcome Home."

Collage

I've seen this collage effect on other blogs and figured out how to do it. It's a free software program called Picasa (from Google). Download it here: Picasa. They have PC and Mac versions.
The program is designed to store and edit your photos, but I like it just for this application.

The other thing I've been trying to do is make my pictures larger. I found a tutorial here: BIG. Doesn't look difficult, however I don't feel like focusing. Got some last minute packing to do before Michelle gets here in the morning to help me stage and clean.

Off to pack up my bathroom - if you were here, you would hear me talking out loud...

"Do I pack the 5 bottles of perfume I haven't worn in years?"
"Does conditioner have a shelf life?"
"If I use cotton balls as packing material, can I reuse them later?"

Best if I packed alone, huh?

Almost. Done.

Let's just clear the air now. My brother in law went and saw my favorite artist of all time (and Claire's, too!). John Mayer. In a super intimate, impromptu setting. He could probably smell JM's sweat (although we know he'd never admit to that). If I was the jealous sort, I'm sure I would have woken up green this morning.

In other news, the packing is just about done. There's clothes, a few kitchen items, and the stereo/tv stuff to pack, and then, that's it. Done. Goodness, How I have waited to type those words.

What's left? Paint touch up, cleaning, and staging. The house will be on the market on Wednesday. We'll be on our way to Rapid on Thursday.

Wayne's blood count is bottoming out. Yesterday he was at .5 (almost zero white blood). Tired but in good spirits. We're trying to avoid crowds and people in hopes to keep him healthy.

Please forgive the blurry picture. Have to rely on my iPhone until I get to Rapid. Oh how I miss my camera. But still. Look at those sweet kids. Caeden is in his underwear, as usual, and Claire is trying to avoid his grip on her. I'm enjoying every last moment with them before the big "Day Care" week starts. Hard to think I'll see them for 1 hour in the morning, and 2 at night when all their lives I've had them to myself. Poor Val, I know. I'm done whining. Just know this: next Monday morning, I will have cried my makeup off before I arrive at work.

And then I will pull myself together and ROCK my new job.

Inspired.

This could describe me. But also, I need another sign that says, "I am totally sick of packing and am ready to sell everything I own so 1) I don't have to pack it 2) I can take Wayne to a tropical island."

Could someone make me a sign that said that, too?

iPhone Pictures ... Don't Judge Me.

Booster Seat. Riveting, isn't it?


Big Girl Car Seat and post-nap hair. AKA Grandpa hair.


The other two were just teasers for what you all really wanted to see. Here he is, in his tanned, bald glory. Looking great, huh?! He's feeling so good, that he's ready to go back to work. I KNOW! Isn't he amazing?

Right Now.

Wayne is feeling good. Took Caeden to summer camp and is going to go clean out the truck.

Claire is squawking in her crib in protest of a nap.

I haven't showered in 2 days and my hair looks like a throw-back of the beehive hair-do era.

I am devouring a still warm from the oven banana-chocolate chip muffin from my sweet neighbor, Kim.

My feet hurt from doing yard work in flip flops. My back hurts from not "lifting with my knees."

This photograph is inspiring to me to recreate with Caeden and Claire (to hang in laundry room of course):

(I cannot remember where I downloaded it from, sorry!)

I love Neutrogena Make Up Remover wipes. My mascara is stubborn and I have been amazed at how it slips right off with these wonder wipes. The bonus is you can fly with them in your carry on bag.

We are STILL trying to figure out if we should sell our house or lease it. Maybe we should take a vote. What do YOU think?

I have packed most everything in the house but still have to pack the basement and garage. Ugh.

I am house hunting in Rapid City and have fallen in love with the West Blvd. District. Found this house yesterday:

Cute #1
-It sits near a busy street so I worry about noise.
- The kitchen needs to be remodeled
-Love the curb appeal, the back yard is fenced, the price point makes remodeling possible

Found this one a couple of weeks ago:

Cute #2
-HUGE closets, original hardwood floors, great curb appeal
-Needs a new roof within 5 years (no leaks or anything, just old), one bathroom upstairs for 3 bedrooms, backyard is small, only 1 car garage.

Okay, break time is over. Back to the grind!

He's Home!

And looking suspiciously tan. I'm wondering if that bald head of his had some pool time.

Wayne looks amazing. He says he feels really good. It's just completely different than how it has been. I am so happy! So relieved. So very, very relieved.

An iPhone picture tomorrow (my camera is in SD) to prove what a looker Wayne is. Seriously, it is just fantastic to have him home. To have him feeling okay.

Let's just hope we can keep his blood count on the rebound! He has appointments all week to keep his blood count in check, and also an appointment coming up with Dr. Parker (his heart surgeon). Then, it's back to Houston on the 22nd for round 4.

Welcome Home Baby.

Tornados

Photo Credit MSNBC.com

(I haven't talked to Wayne yet but will post an update when I hear from him.)

Packing away yesterday, totally unaware of what was going on outside. A mall about 10 minutes from our house is closed due to damage from the tornado (s). I suppose it should have clicked with me when Lindsay text me and said her flight was delayed due to the weather. You can read the story here.

The scary thought? I thought I was really "with it" compared to the day before. :)

Last night me and the kids went over to Melissa and Chris's house for pizza and margaritas. An entire evening of normal. Laughing and catching up was so wonderful. I forget how hunkered down I have been. It was like coming up for air.

Mel has rallied her sweet Mom, Linda, and her friend Laurie to come help me pack Wednesday. Chris has volunteered to take care of the lawn while the house is for sale.

My dear friend Kellie and her husband Dan are headed through Denver on their way to SD and have offered to pick up stuff from the house and bring it up for us (they have a trailer). I had no idea how I was going to get anything but clothes up to Rapid until the "big move."

There are a hundred other acts of kindness and support that have been shown to us. How do I begin to thank you all? I worry that I forgot to send a thank you note, I worry that you don't know how much of a help you really are - how grateful and blessed we feel to have you in our lives. So please forgive me if I haven't been as responsive as I should. But know there is no way we could do it alone.

XOXO

Wayne

Wayne is still doing great. He is on day 4 (total of 6 days this time) and isn't having any of the neuro effects he did before. Dave calls throughout the day to keep me posted on Wayne's progress.

Just wanted to let you all know he's hanging in there!

How It Goes

6 am - kids wake up

6:05 - Caeden asks for breakfast, to which I respond, "We have no milk, bread, or eggs." Caeden says, "Frozen waffle?" Nope. "Toaster Strudel??" Uh...no.

6:15 - We are at the grocery store. Caeden is following behind me, eating a donut straight from the case and still in his pajamas. Claire has hair sticking up all over the place and is also still in jammies. I look horrible, I'm sure, but I never looked in the mirror before we left, so God only knows how bad it really was.

7 am - Back at home, I am feeling like mother of the year because we now have food in the house.

8:30 - Caeden! You have summer camp today!!! (Just remembering). I quickly scramble to get him dressed, put together his snack and bottled water, and found some sunscreen to take along.

8:50 - Arrive at school only to see an empty parking lot. Summer camp was M-Thurs. ... we missed it.

9:00 - Not feeling like mother of the year because now I have a totally upset little boy in the back seat asking me where are all of his friends (That he has missed so much)???

Fast forward to 7:30 pm. The kids are in bed and I got exactly 3 boxes packed today. At this rate I'll be here for another 4 months. Or five.

Hoping to be more "with it" tomorrow. But hey, sometimes that's just how it goes.

In Wayne News:

The past 2 rounds have landed him in the hospital by day 3. He is doing great this time! He isn't nauseous and is cognitively sound. Wonderful, wonderful news. MDA is such a blessing. He's got 3 more days of chemo and will be home (hopefully) on Tuesday.

Love the One You're With ... and the One still in Houston

These two kept each other entertained on our 8+ hour drive home (road construction) today. Caeden makes a lot of ridiculous sounds that get Claire belly laughing - and before I know it, I'm laughing, too.

Our little clan of 3 arrived home to find:

1. Our front lawn looks horrible - HUGE, giant, brown patches of grass ... completely dead. The backyard looks great. Too bad the Realtor won't use a back shot for our for sale flyer.

2. The house smells good. We haven't been home in 2 weeks, but that unique smell hit me when I walked in. It smells like A/C, Downy Fabric Softener, and Summer all rolled into one.

3. A garage full of boxes that my friend Michelle so graciously coordinated for me. Thank You!

4. Leaving is going to be harder than I thought. We drove by the swimming pool and I saw lots of kids splashing with abandon in the pool. I was really looking forward to spending lots of hot, lazy days at the pool with the kids...so Caeden could practice swimming and Claire could look adorable with her belly sticking out over her red polka dot bikini.

5. All my lilies are blooming. Bright yellow and glorious pink petals greeted us from the front porch.

Wayne is doing great. He is still eating and not feeling "off." Dave is taking wonderful care of him, and I hope he knows that me and Donna (his Mom) are loving him tonight. The kind of loving that only a Mom and a Wife know how to do long distance. It's the kind of love where you think of them constantly, wondering if he's cold. Wondering if he is tired. Wondering if something is wrong but if he's too afraid to complain. Wondering if he has a warm blanket. If he'll sleep good tonight.

Donna will probably pick up a lone sock of his, and place it in his room. I'll stare at his side of the bed until my eyelids become too heavy and finally close.

Loving you from afar tonight, baby.

Sometimes there are no words ...

to describe a feeling.

I miss my children and want to see them ASAP. But when I am with them, I will be missing Wayne terribly.

I'll be in a state of ... refer to above photo ... until Wayne is through with chemo and with us again. I'm on an airplane this afternoon and headed back to Rapid and then driving down to Denver tomorrow with the kids. Wayne will be starting chemo as I pull into Denver. He'll be going through 5 days and nights of chemo (some of it is 24 hour continuous infusion) as I pack up the house.

He'll be in Houston with his dad. I'll be in Denver with the kids.

There are no words.

What He's Doing Today

We sit in the nuclear waiting room at 6:30 waiting for another day to begin. This morning he gets a new catheter inserted below his clavicle. Through this line, his chemo will be administered. It's a little early for such seriousness, don't you think?

Today at a Glance

There are fountains. There are trees. Flowers. And Technology.

The building we are in right now is sunny, clean, and full of color. I look around at each person - knowing that we are all on similar journeys - either as the caregiver or the patient, and one thing is for sure - we're in the right place.

Home Away From Home

We've been in Rapid staying with Wayne's parents (here forward referred to as Mom and Dad or Grandpa and Grandma). Caeden cannot get enough. Being outside and "working" keeps him busy, happy, and content. Claire is getting used to her new room (and me sleeping in there, too). She wakes at the crack of dawn and says "Mama Mama" until I cannot resist ... and the day begins.



I write this entry from Houston. It's warm and humid here and it feels fantastic. The city is much cleaner and prettier than I thought it would be. We're staying about a mile from MD Anderson's facilities. Wayne drove me by it this afternoon and I couldn't get over how HUGE it is. Truly impressive.

Wayne's day starts early tomorrow morning and goes until 6 pm. He is going to be busy with tests, scans, and prep work. Tuesday we meet with his new oncologist, Dr. Patel. I fly back to Rapid after the meeting, and Dad will fly down to be with Wayne on Wednesday morning; his third round of chemo begins.

This afternoon we ventured to Magnolia to see my Uncle Tom, Aunt Pam, my cousin Cori and her two girls, Reagan & Ryleigh. They have such a beautiful place and it was great to see them. Family - it doesn't make Houston seem quite so far away from home, you know? Love them. Wish I had brought my camera (how often I think that - I should start carrying a point and shoot when I can't bring my 5D) to show you their amazing house that they built themselves. Just gorgeous.

Wish Wayne luck and patience tomorrow...

Let Her Eat Cake

First taste of sugar. I think she liked it.


She definitely liked helping herself. The look on her face as she dove in was just hilarious. However, those chubby fingers all covered in sweet frosting is what I snapped a picture of.



Making a wish & blowing out that lone, red candle.


Happy Birthday Sweet Baby Claire Bear.

Starting Now

Yesterday Claire turned 1. We went to the park for a picnic, only to get rained out, but the party continued on at Grandpa & Grandma's house. Claire dove into her cake (pictures to come) like a pro. Never one to feed herself, the girl found a way to get that chocolate goodness into her mouth after all.

The photo above was taken at 5 am. While she sleeps through the night now, she rises early!


Have you ever met Lucy Goosie? Our Golden, hairy first born. I taught her to lick my feet! Don't judge me, Wayne wouldn't ever rub them.


We are still in Rapid City. Trying hard to make a 1,000 decisions based on "what ifs" and "but what happens when...?" and "yeah, but have we thought about THIS? That? The other?"

Here is where we are now:

I was offered the position I interviewed for here in Rapid. I'll be working in advertising sales for a wonderful company and am looking forward to the opportunity! To be challenged, to have my own "thing" outside the house is exciting. And, I want to take the burden off of Wayne (worrying about work) so he can focus on getting better.

But I am wondering how putting the kids in daycare, having Wayne going through treatment, trying to sell the house in Denver, and move to Rapid will all go while I am starting this new venture. I know it will all work out, but right now things are just insane around here. Or maybe things are calm and the insanity is just happening in my head. Either way, I have a headache.

Wayne cannot have his chemo here. The Rapid City Cancer Care facility is wonderful, but just not equipped to monitor Wayne's type of chemo. It is a surprise, and an unwelcome obstacle, but we will figure it out. Wayne does not want to return to Denver for treatment (the level of incompetence is staggering) and prefers to go to Houston for all treatment anyway, so it's just the way it is. We'll make it work.

I've been touring daycare and preschool facilities. I think I may have found one I like, but it's across town. The ratio of babies to caregiver is 5:1. Scary. Please tell me everything will be okay. Not staying home with the kids is a big deal to me. Trying to be brave, trying to believe that Claire will still prefer me even though I will only see her a few hours a day. :(

We have decided to go ahead and sell the house (and take a bath on it) to eliminate the burden of carrying a double mortgage and the hassle of having a property to worry about. So, that means sooner or later we can buy a house here. There is an area called "West Blvd" in Rapid that I just adore. It's a neighborhood of older homes with big trees in the yard, front porches, and charm. The problem is that I want to buy one that has already been updated with new electrical, plumbing, windows, etc. Probably not going to happen, BUT, if anyone out there in Rapid Land hears of a little gem like that, let me know!

I'm sure Dave and Donna would appreciate having their house back. I mean, we're loveable enough, but come on, they thought when we left the nest the first time they were off the hook.

The plan going forward:

Fly to Houston this weekend. Wayne starts treatment next week.
Stage and clean the house in Denver. Stick a "for sale" sign in the yard.
Pack up what we need to get by for the summer in Rapid.

Come back to Rapid and start working (me).
Come back to Rapid and recover (Wayne).
Come back to Rapid and go to a new school (Caeden).
Come back to Rapid and realize Mama isn't around much (Claire).
Come back to Rapid and start again.
Come back to Rapid and be okay.

That's What You Get When You Pour Your Heart Out ...

Apparently, instead of running to the computer each time I have a bit of news, I should probably wait a day to make sure it sticks.

We are not selling our house. It seems our neighborhood is full of homes either short selling/homes for sale. So, this means our home is worth sooooo much less because other people are selling their homes for a song. It is a ruthless market, and we have gracefully bowed out. Yes, even after I declared money is nothing - I'll tell you this, walking away from almost everything you have IS something. So, we're keeping the house and still moving to Rapid. If anyone knows of a cute rental up there, let me know!

Ideally it would have hardwood floors, built-ins, a cute yard full of flowers, and lots of character.

Or not.

If it has enough bathrooms, I am not that picky.

But ... big, sunny windows in the kitchen would be nice.

And a housekeeper. That would be on the wish list, too.

Tap, tap. Is this thing working??

Anyway, if you haven't already learned, things change pretty darn quick around here.

Tomorrow we are headed back to Rapid (I have a job interview) and will spend a couple of days up there. Wayne will be heading to Houston later next week. We are still trying to figure out if I am going with him or not. Having children makes things a bit tricky because they are not allowed in the infusion room. Can you imagine keeping a 4 year old boy happy in a tiny hotel room all day while your 12 month old napped? Exactly. Tricky, tricky.

I know everyone is on vacation - and should be out swimming or boating or picnicing or something. So, a blog vacation this weekend would hardly be missed, would it? I'm taking my camera with me this time, so next week I will have plenty of pictures to share.

Let summertime begin!

We Got Our Dance

It went a little something like this:


Some day, when I'm awfully low,
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you...
And the way you look tonight.

Yes you're lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft,
There is nothing for me but to love you,
And the way you look tonight.

With each word your tenderness grows,
Tearing my fear apart...
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,
It touches my foolish heart.

Lovely ... Never, ever change.
Keep that breathless charm.
Won't you please arrange it ?
'Cause I love you ... Just the way you look tonight.

Mm, Mm, Mm, Mm,
Just the way you look to-night.



The Way You Look Tonight (Frank Sinatra)

It's Our Turn.

I remember when our neighbors across the street fell on hard times. Jen had to get a job, something she really didn't want to do because she had a toddler at home that she wanted to spend time with. I remember how she cried on my front porch over how unfair it was. How cheated she felt.

I remember a hot summer morning, not so long after that conversation with Jen, when Caeden and I were sitting outside on the driveway. We were blowing bubbles at 8 am because he'd been up for 3 hours already and we had run out of things to do inside. I remember Jen's garage door opening up and her SUV pulling out. She was on her way to work. I remember waving to her as she passed by our house ... and I remember the hard look on her face.

I will never forget thinking, "I am so glad that isn't me," as I watched Caeden catch the bubbles I blew in the air.

The truth is, we all take a turn. None of us will remain untouched. No matter how charmed our life, no matter how we think we have everything figured out. Planned. Accounted for.

This afternoon we have a Realtor coming to the house. We're selling during the absolute worst time ever. We'll lose a lot of what we have worked for over these 15 years together. We're doing it because we need to be closer to Rapid City. We're doing it, knowing a home is most certainly not a house. Not an address. A home is not contingent on granite, on square footage, on a backyard.

Home might be a hotel room in Houston. Or perhaps one of Mom and Dad's spare bedrooms. A rental in Rapid. As long as we're together, home is anywhere.

But.

I just hope whoever calls my house "home" appreciates the love that went into painting Claire's room. That they enjoy the gorgeous roses that thrive in the backyard. That they care for the hardwood cherry floors that make this house amazing.

And. I hope they don't take any of it for granted.

3 of a Kind

We took Deadwood by storm Thursday night. We congregated to the #10 and didn't leave for the rest of the night. We danced, we drank, we laughed, we {John & I} had a "who can chug a beer faster contest" {John was a worthy contender, but you know ... it was like taking candy from a baby...}, we bellied up to the tables and gambled a bit. Well, a lot.

The 3 of us pictured above {Me, Lindsay & Mike} walked away with straight flushes. Well, I walked away, stuffing the winnings in my purse cuz' I'm cheap like that, but the rest of the gang played quite a bit. Mike, you were up a TON, did you make it out alive?

Just for fun, the probability:

There are 40 possible straight flushes, including the four Royal Flushes. The probability of being dealt one of them is

Wedding

Photo Credit: Kissen's Camera

I didn't bring my camera to Rapid, and regretted it many, many times. Thankfully, everyone else was much more with it than I was, and now I can download pictures from Snapfish to share with you.

Nicole was such a beautiful bride. She looked stunning - and sooo happy. And then there's John. If the look in his eyes {when he saw Nicole} is any indication of how forever will go, I'd say they are going to live happily ever after.

Caeden was really sick during all of the festivities and made it very clear he wanted nothing to do with the wedding. As we were getting ready to walk down the aisle, I pleaded with him that if he would just suck it up and be a good ring bearer, there were cupcakes waiting for him ...
The allure of sugar was enticing enough to get him up to the bridal party, and then he flopped down like a wet fish, as I was not clear that he had to stand up as part of the deal...



It was a beautiful, classy, and FUN wedding. Nik and John's friends are incredible people and it was a blast getting to know everyone. So many people love and support Nikki and John and it was obvious all weekend long.

Cheers!

MD Anderson By the Numbers

It turns out MD Anderson is exactly the place we've been looking for. Wayne filled me in on his visit with Dr. Patel and it went something like this:

1. Chemo protocol was incorrect. Mesna was not administered in the correct way (for example, per Doctor's instructions, I was giving it to him at night in a 20 minute IV push, and it should have been dripped for days continuously).

2. A new chemo drug will be added to the cocktail.

3. His scans (MRI, X Ray, CT) were so horribly inconclusive that Dr. Patel has no idea what base line is/should have been. All of this will be re-done today to establish a base line (measurements of primary tumor in hip and mets in lungs).

4. Appointments happen much faster. Communication is paramount (we have access to nurses 24/7 via internet).

5. They know what they are doing. They KNOW what they are doing...!

6. Wayne is doing great. He sounds positive and encouraged. He sounds at ease.

7. I, however, have had to talk myself out of drinking a beer at 9:30 am to take the edge off while I waited for his call. Is it wrong that I miss my plastic vodka flask??

8. Wayne is headed home tomorrow. He gets to spend this weekend and next week non-chemo'ed up. He gets to celebrate Claire's 1st birthday feeling good. I am so excited for that! I hadn't planned anything for her party because we thought he'd be on day 3 of cycle 3 of chemo, which historically, puts him in the hospital.

I think our little girl will get balloons. A cake. And she will have her Daddy.

9. We will be headed back to Houston for his 3rd round of chemo next weekend (last weekend in May). It will be out-patient, so he'll spend his days in the infusion room, and then will be able to rest in a hotel room instead of the hospital.

Just Getting Started

Photo Credit: Mr. Ney Ney

You can't make this stuff up, folks. Let me introduce you to our Deadwood Bus Driver, Clark. That hair ... We laughed about that until we arrived in Deadwood and found other (ourselves) amusements ...

I don't have it in me to recap the weekend tonight, but I promise to bring it tomorrow.

Wayne's in Houston with Dave. His first appointment with Dr. Patel (oncologist) is tomorrow morning. You know I'll keep you posted.