Almost. Done.

Let's just clear the air now. My brother in law went and saw my favorite artist of all time (and Claire's, too!). John Mayer. In a super intimate, impromptu setting. He could probably smell JM's sweat (although we know he'd never admit to that). If I was the jealous sort, I'm sure I would have woken up green this morning.

In other news, the packing is just about done. There's clothes, a few kitchen items, and the stereo/tv stuff to pack, and then, that's it. Done. Goodness, How I have waited to type those words.

What's left? Paint touch up, cleaning, and staging. The house will be on the market on Wednesday. We'll be on our way to Rapid on Thursday.

Wayne's blood count is bottoming out. Yesterday he was at .5 (almost zero white blood). Tired but in good spirits. We're trying to avoid crowds and people in hopes to keep him healthy.

Please forgive the blurry picture. Have to rely on my iPhone until I get to Rapid. Oh how I miss my camera. But still. Look at those sweet kids. Caeden is in his underwear, as usual, and Claire is trying to avoid his grip on her. I'm enjoying every last moment with them before the big "Day Care" week starts. Hard to think I'll see them for 1 hour in the morning, and 2 at night when all their lives I've had them to myself. Poor Val, I know. I'm done whining. Just know this: next Monday morning, I will have cried my makeup off before I arrive at work.

And then I will pull myself together and ROCK my new job.

Inspired.

This could describe me. But also, I need another sign that says, "I am totally sick of packing and am ready to sell everything I own so 1) I don't have to pack it 2) I can take Wayne to a tropical island."

Could someone make me a sign that said that, too?

iPhone Pictures ... Don't Judge Me.

Booster Seat. Riveting, isn't it?


Big Girl Car Seat and post-nap hair. AKA Grandpa hair.


The other two were just teasers for what you all really wanted to see. Here he is, in his tanned, bald glory. Looking great, huh?! He's feeling so good, that he's ready to go back to work. I KNOW! Isn't he amazing?

Right Now.

Wayne is feeling good. Took Caeden to summer camp and is going to go clean out the truck.

Claire is squawking in her crib in protest of a nap.

I haven't showered in 2 days and my hair looks like a throw-back of the beehive hair-do era.

I am devouring a still warm from the oven banana-chocolate chip muffin from my sweet neighbor, Kim.

My feet hurt from doing yard work in flip flops. My back hurts from not "lifting with my knees."

This photograph is inspiring to me to recreate with Caeden and Claire (to hang in laundry room of course):

(I cannot remember where I downloaded it from, sorry!)

I love Neutrogena Make Up Remover wipes. My mascara is stubborn and I have been amazed at how it slips right off with these wonder wipes. The bonus is you can fly with them in your carry on bag.

We are STILL trying to figure out if we should sell our house or lease it. Maybe we should take a vote. What do YOU think?

I have packed most everything in the house but still have to pack the basement and garage. Ugh.

I am house hunting in Rapid City and have fallen in love with the West Blvd. District. Found this house yesterday:

Cute #1
-It sits near a busy street so I worry about noise.
- The kitchen needs to be remodeled
-Love the curb appeal, the back yard is fenced, the price point makes remodeling possible

Found this one a couple of weeks ago:

Cute #2
-HUGE closets, original hardwood floors, great curb appeal
-Needs a new roof within 5 years (no leaks or anything, just old), one bathroom upstairs for 3 bedrooms, backyard is small, only 1 car garage.

Okay, break time is over. Back to the grind!

He's Home!

And looking suspiciously tan. I'm wondering if that bald head of his had some pool time.

Wayne looks amazing. He says he feels really good. It's just completely different than how it has been. I am so happy! So relieved. So very, very relieved.

An iPhone picture tomorrow (my camera is in SD) to prove what a looker Wayne is. Seriously, it is just fantastic to have him home. To have him feeling okay.

Let's just hope we can keep his blood count on the rebound! He has appointments all week to keep his blood count in check, and also an appointment coming up with Dr. Parker (his heart surgeon). Then, it's back to Houston on the 22nd for round 4.

Welcome Home Baby.

Tornados

Photo Credit MSNBC.com

(I haven't talked to Wayne yet but will post an update when I hear from him.)

Packing away yesterday, totally unaware of what was going on outside. A mall about 10 minutes from our house is closed due to damage from the tornado (s). I suppose it should have clicked with me when Lindsay text me and said her flight was delayed due to the weather. You can read the story here.

The scary thought? I thought I was really "with it" compared to the day before. :)

Last night me and the kids went over to Melissa and Chris's house for pizza and margaritas. An entire evening of normal. Laughing and catching up was so wonderful. I forget how hunkered down I have been. It was like coming up for air.

Mel has rallied her sweet Mom, Linda, and her friend Laurie to come help me pack Wednesday. Chris has volunteered to take care of the lawn while the house is for sale.

My dear friend Kellie and her husband Dan are headed through Denver on their way to SD and have offered to pick up stuff from the house and bring it up for us (they have a trailer). I had no idea how I was going to get anything but clothes up to Rapid until the "big move."

There are a hundred other acts of kindness and support that have been shown to us. How do I begin to thank you all? I worry that I forgot to send a thank you note, I worry that you don't know how much of a help you really are - how grateful and blessed we feel to have you in our lives. So please forgive me if I haven't been as responsive as I should. But know there is no way we could do it alone.

XOXO

Wayne

Wayne is still doing great. He is on day 4 (total of 6 days this time) and isn't having any of the neuro effects he did before. Dave calls throughout the day to keep me posted on Wayne's progress.

Just wanted to let you all know he's hanging in there!

How It Goes

6 am - kids wake up

6:05 - Caeden asks for breakfast, to which I respond, "We have no milk, bread, or eggs." Caeden says, "Frozen waffle?" Nope. "Toaster Strudel??" Uh...no.

6:15 - We are at the grocery store. Caeden is following behind me, eating a donut straight from the case and still in his pajamas. Claire has hair sticking up all over the place and is also still in jammies. I look horrible, I'm sure, but I never looked in the mirror before we left, so God only knows how bad it really was.

7 am - Back at home, I am feeling like mother of the year because we now have food in the house.

8:30 - Caeden! You have summer camp today!!! (Just remembering). I quickly scramble to get him dressed, put together his snack and bottled water, and found some sunscreen to take along.

8:50 - Arrive at school only to see an empty parking lot. Summer camp was M-Thurs. ... we missed it.

9:00 - Not feeling like mother of the year because now I have a totally upset little boy in the back seat asking me where are all of his friends (That he has missed so much)???

Fast forward to 7:30 pm. The kids are in bed and I got exactly 3 boxes packed today. At this rate I'll be here for another 4 months. Or five.

Hoping to be more "with it" tomorrow. But hey, sometimes that's just how it goes.

In Wayne News:

The past 2 rounds have landed him in the hospital by day 3. He is doing great this time! He isn't nauseous and is cognitively sound. Wonderful, wonderful news. MDA is such a blessing. He's got 3 more days of chemo and will be home (hopefully) on Tuesday.

Love the One You're With ... and the One still in Houston

These two kept each other entertained on our 8+ hour drive home (road construction) today. Caeden makes a lot of ridiculous sounds that get Claire belly laughing - and before I know it, I'm laughing, too.

Our little clan of 3 arrived home to find:

1. Our front lawn looks horrible - HUGE, giant, brown patches of grass ... completely dead. The backyard looks great. Too bad the Realtor won't use a back shot for our for sale flyer.

2. The house smells good. We haven't been home in 2 weeks, but that unique smell hit me when I walked in. It smells like A/C, Downy Fabric Softener, and Summer all rolled into one.

3. A garage full of boxes that my friend Michelle so graciously coordinated for me. Thank You!

4. Leaving is going to be harder than I thought. We drove by the swimming pool and I saw lots of kids splashing with abandon in the pool. I was really looking forward to spending lots of hot, lazy days at the pool with the kids...so Caeden could practice swimming and Claire could look adorable with her belly sticking out over her red polka dot bikini.

5. All my lilies are blooming. Bright yellow and glorious pink petals greeted us from the front porch.

Wayne is doing great. He is still eating and not feeling "off." Dave is taking wonderful care of him, and I hope he knows that me and Donna (his Mom) are loving him tonight. The kind of loving that only a Mom and a Wife know how to do long distance. It's the kind of love where you think of them constantly, wondering if he's cold. Wondering if he is tired. Wondering if something is wrong but if he's too afraid to complain. Wondering if he has a warm blanket. If he'll sleep good tonight.

Donna will probably pick up a lone sock of his, and place it in his room. I'll stare at his side of the bed until my eyelids become too heavy and finally close.

Loving you from afar tonight, baby.

Sometimes there are no words ...

to describe a feeling.

I miss my children and want to see them ASAP. But when I am with them, I will be missing Wayne terribly.

I'll be in a state of ... refer to above photo ... until Wayne is through with chemo and with us again. I'm on an airplane this afternoon and headed back to Rapid and then driving down to Denver tomorrow with the kids. Wayne will be starting chemo as I pull into Denver. He'll be going through 5 days and nights of chemo (some of it is 24 hour continuous infusion) as I pack up the house.

He'll be in Houston with his dad. I'll be in Denver with the kids.

There are no words.

What He's Doing Today

We sit in the nuclear waiting room at 6:30 waiting for another day to begin. This morning he gets a new catheter inserted below his clavicle. Through this line, his chemo will be administered. It's a little early for such seriousness, don't you think?

Today at a Glance

There are fountains. There are trees. Flowers. And Technology.

The building we are in right now is sunny, clean, and full of color. I look around at each person - knowing that we are all on similar journeys - either as the caregiver or the patient, and one thing is for sure - we're in the right place.

Home Away From Home

We've been in Rapid staying with Wayne's parents (here forward referred to as Mom and Dad or Grandpa and Grandma). Caeden cannot get enough. Being outside and "working" keeps him busy, happy, and content. Claire is getting used to her new room (and me sleeping in there, too). She wakes at the crack of dawn and says "Mama Mama" until I cannot resist ... and the day begins.



I write this entry from Houston. It's warm and humid here and it feels fantastic. The city is much cleaner and prettier than I thought it would be. We're staying about a mile from MD Anderson's facilities. Wayne drove me by it this afternoon and I couldn't get over how HUGE it is. Truly impressive.

Wayne's day starts early tomorrow morning and goes until 6 pm. He is going to be busy with tests, scans, and prep work. Tuesday we meet with his new oncologist, Dr. Patel. I fly back to Rapid after the meeting, and Dad will fly down to be with Wayne on Wednesday morning; his third round of chemo begins.

This afternoon we ventured to Magnolia to see my Uncle Tom, Aunt Pam, my cousin Cori and her two girls, Reagan & Ryleigh. They have such a beautiful place and it was great to see them. Family - it doesn't make Houston seem quite so far away from home, you know? Love them. Wish I had brought my camera (how often I think that - I should start carrying a point and shoot when I can't bring my 5D) to show you their amazing house that they built themselves. Just gorgeous.

Wish Wayne luck and patience tomorrow...

Let Her Eat Cake

First taste of sugar. I think she liked it.


She definitely liked helping herself. The look on her face as she dove in was just hilarious. However, those chubby fingers all covered in sweet frosting is what I snapped a picture of.



Making a wish & blowing out that lone, red candle.


Happy Birthday Sweet Baby Claire Bear.

Starting Now

Yesterday Claire turned 1. We went to the park for a picnic, only to get rained out, but the party continued on at Grandpa & Grandma's house. Claire dove into her cake (pictures to come) like a pro. Never one to feed herself, the girl found a way to get that chocolate goodness into her mouth after all.

The photo above was taken at 5 am. While she sleeps through the night now, she rises early!


Have you ever met Lucy Goosie? Our Golden, hairy first born. I taught her to lick my feet! Don't judge me, Wayne wouldn't ever rub them.


We are still in Rapid City. Trying hard to make a 1,000 decisions based on "what ifs" and "but what happens when...?" and "yeah, but have we thought about THIS? That? The other?"

Here is where we are now:

I was offered the position I interviewed for here in Rapid. I'll be working in advertising sales for a wonderful company and am looking forward to the opportunity! To be challenged, to have my own "thing" outside the house is exciting. And, I want to take the burden off of Wayne (worrying about work) so he can focus on getting better.

But I am wondering how putting the kids in daycare, having Wayne going through treatment, trying to sell the house in Denver, and move to Rapid will all go while I am starting this new venture. I know it will all work out, but right now things are just insane around here. Or maybe things are calm and the insanity is just happening in my head. Either way, I have a headache.

Wayne cannot have his chemo here. The Rapid City Cancer Care facility is wonderful, but just not equipped to monitor Wayne's type of chemo. It is a surprise, and an unwelcome obstacle, but we will figure it out. Wayne does not want to return to Denver for treatment (the level of incompetence is staggering) and prefers to go to Houston for all treatment anyway, so it's just the way it is. We'll make it work.

I've been touring daycare and preschool facilities. I think I may have found one I like, but it's across town. The ratio of babies to caregiver is 5:1. Scary. Please tell me everything will be okay. Not staying home with the kids is a big deal to me. Trying to be brave, trying to believe that Claire will still prefer me even though I will only see her a few hours a day. :(

We have decided to go ahead and sell the house (and take a bath on it) to eliminate the burden of carrying a double mortgage and the hassle of having a property to worry about. So, that means sooner or later we can buy a house here. There is an area called "West Blvd" in Rapid that I just adore. It's a neighborhood of older homes with big trees in the yard, front porches, and charm. The problem is that I want to buy one that has already been updated with new electrical, plumbing, windows, etc. Probably not going to happen, BUT, if anyone out there in Rapid Land hears of a little gem like that, let me know!

I'm sure Dave and Donna would appreciate having their house back. I mean, we're loveable enough, but come on, they thought when we left the nest the first time they were off the hook.

The plan going forward:

Fly to Houston this weekend. Wayne starts treatment next week.
Stage and clean the house in Denver. Stick a "for sale" sign in the yard.
Pack up what we need to get by for the summer in Rapid.

Come back to Rapid and start working (me).
Come back to Rapid and recover (Wayne).
Come back to Rapid and go to a new school (Caeden).
Come back to Rapid and realize Mama isn't around much (Claire).
Come back to Rapid and start again.
Come back to Rapid and be okay.

That's What You Get When You Pour Your Heart Out ...

Apparently, instead of running to the computer each time I have a bit of news, I should probably wait a day to make sure it sticks.

We are not selling our house. It seems our neighborhood is full of homes either short selling/homes for sale. So, this means our home is worth sooooo much less because other people are selling their homes for a song. It is a ruthless market, and we have gracefully bowed out. Yes, even after I declared money is nothing - I'll tell you this, walking away from almost everything you have IS something. So, we're keeping the house and still moving to Rapid. If anyone knows of a cute rental up there, let me know!

Ideally it would have hardwood floors, built-ins, a cute yard full of flowers, and lots of character.

Or not.

If it has enough bathrooms, I am not that picky.

But ... big, sunny windows in the kitchen would be nice.

And a housekeeper. That would be on the wish list, too.

Tap, tap. Is this thing working??

Anyway, if you haven't already learned, things change pretty darn quick around here.

Tomorrow we are headed back to Rapid (I have a job interview) and will spend a couple of days up there. Wayne will be heading to Houston later next week. We are still trying to figure out if I am going with him or not. Having children makes things a bit tricky because they are not allowed in the infusion room. Can you imagine keeping a 4 year old boy happy in a tiny hotel room all day while your 12 month old napped? Exactly. Tricky, tricky.

I know everyone is on vacation - and should be out swimming or boating or picnicing or something. So, a blog vacation this weekend would hardly be missed, would it? I'm taking my camera with me this time, so next week I will have plenty of pictures to share.

Let summertime begin!

We Got Our Dance

It went a little something like this:


Some day, when I'm awfully low,
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you...
And the way you look tonight.

Yes you're lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft,
There is nothing for me but to love you,
And the way you look tonight.

With each word your tenderness grows,
Tearing my fear apart...
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,
It touches my foolish heart.

Lovely ... Never, ever change.
Keep that breathless charm.
Won't you please arrange it ?
'Cause I love you ... Just the way you look tonight.

Mm, Mm, Mm, Mm,
Just the way you look to-night.



The Way You Look Tonight (Frank Sinatra)

It's Our Turn.

I remember when our neighbors across the street fell on hard times. Jen had to get a job, something she really didn't want to do because she had a toddler at home that she wanted to spend time with. I remember how she cried on my front porch over how unfair it was. How cheated she felt.

I remember a hot summer morning, not so long after that conversation with Jen, when Caeden and I were sitting outside on the driveway. We were blowing bubbles at 8 am because he'd been up for 3 hours already and we had run out of things to do inside. I remember Jen's garage door opening up and her SUV pulling out. She was on her way to work. I remember waving to her as she passed by our house ... and I remember the hard look on her face.

I will never forget thinking, "I am so glad that isn't me," as I watched Caeden catch the bubbles I blew in the air.

The truth is, we all take a turn. None of us will remain untouched. No matter how charmed our life, no matter how we think we have everything figured out. Planned. Accounted for.

This afternoon we have a Realtor coming to the house. We're selling during the absolute worst time ever. We'll lose a lot of what we have worked for over these 15 years together. We're doing it because we need to be closer to Rapid City. We're doing it, knowing a home is most certainly not a house. Not an address. A home is not contingent on granite, on square footage, on a backyard.

Home might be a hotel room in Houston. Or perhaps one of Mom and Dad's spare bedrooms. A rental in Rapid. As long as we're together, home is anywhere.

But.

I just hope whoever calls my house "home" appreciates the love that went into painting Claire's room. That they enjoy the gorgeous roses that thrive in the backyard. That they care for the hardwood cherry floors that make this house amazing.

And. I hope they don't take any of it for granted.

3 of a Kind

We took Deadwood by storm Thursday night. We congregated to the #10 and didn't leave for the rest of the night. We danced, we drank, we laughed, we {John & I} had a "who can chug a beer faster contest" {John was a worthy contender, but you know ... it was like taking candy from a baby...}, we bellied up to the tables and gambled a bit. Well, a lot.

The 3 of us pictured above {Me, Lindsay & Mike} walked away with straight flushes. Well, I walked away, stuffing the winnings in my purse cuz' I'm cheap like that, but the rest of the gang played quite a bit. Mike, you were up a TON, did you make it out alive?

Just for fun, the probability:

There are 40 possible straight flushes, including the four Royal Flushes. The probability of being dealt one of them is

Wedding

Photo Credit: Kissen's Camera

I didn't bring my camera to Rapid, and regretted it many, many times. Thankfully, everyone else was much more with it than I was, and now I can download pictures from Snapfish to share with you.

Nicole was such a beautiful bride. She looked stunning - and sooo happy. And then there's John. If the look in his eyes {when he saw Nicole} is any indication of how forever will go, I'd say they are going to live happily ever after.

Caeden was really sick during all of the festivities and made it very clear he wanted nothing to do with the wedding. As we were getting ready to walk down the aisle, I pleaded with him that if he would just suck it up and be a good ring bearer, there were cupcakes waiting for him ...
The allure of sugar was enticing enough to get him up to the bridal party, and then he flopped down like a wet fish, as I was not clear that he had to stand up as part of the deal...



It was a beautiful, classy, and FUN wedding. Nik and John's friends are incredible people and it was a blast getting to know everyone. So many people love and support Nikki and John and it was obvious all weekend long.

Cheers!

MD Anderson By the Numbers

It turns out MD Anderson is exactly the place we've been looking for. Wayne filled me in on his visit with Dr. Patel and it went something like this:

1. Chemo protocol was incorrect. Mesna was not administered in the correct way (for example, per Doctor's instructions, I was giving it to him at night in a 20 minute IV push, and it should have been dripped for days continuously).

2. A new chemo drug will be added to the cocktail.

3. His scans (MRI, X Ray, CT) were so horribly inconclusive that Dr. Patel has no idea what base line is/should have been. All of this will be re-done today to establish a base line (measurements of primary tumor in hip and mets in lungs).

4. Appointments happen much faster. Communication is paramount (we have access to nurses 24/7 via internet).

5. They know what they are doing. They KNOW what they are doing...!

6. Wayne is doing great. He sounds positive and encouraged. He sounds at ease.

7. I, however, have had to talk myself out of drinking a beer at 9:30 am to take the edge off while I waited for his call. Is it wrong that I miss my plastic vodka flask??

8. Wayne is headed home tomorrow. He gets to spend this weekend and next week non-chemo'ed up. He gets to celebrate Claire's 1st birthday feeling good. I am so excited for that! I hadn't planned anything for her party because we thought he'd be on day 3 of cycle 3 of chemo, which historically, puts him in the hospital.

I think our little girl will get balloons. A cake. And she will have her Daddy.

9. We will be headed back to Houston for his 3rd round of chemo next weekend (last weekend in May). It will be out-patient, so he'll spend his days in the infusion room, and then will be able to rest in a hotel room instead of the hospital.

Just Getting Started

Photo Credit: Mr. Ney Ney

You can't make this stuff up, folks. Let me introduce you to our Deadwood Bus Driver, Clark. That hair ... We laughed about that until we arrived in Deadwood and found other (ourselves) amusements ...

I don't have it in me to recap the weekend tonight, but I promise to bring it tomorrow.

Wayne's in Houston with Dave. His first appointment with Dr. Patel (oncologist) is tomorrow morning. You know I'll keep you posted.

South Dakota or Bust

Mom took Caeden home with her yesterday. They played outside - counting sprinklers, playing basketball, and fertilizing the yard. This morning she took him to the toy store, to get new clothes, a haircut, McDonalds, and dropped him off at school.

WHEW! Talk about nice. Thank you Mom!

So, this afternoon I've been doing laundry and packing for the trip. We were going to drive, but Claire is sick and Caeden came home from school early cuz' he's sick, too. It couldn't be worse timing because Wayne's white blood cell (WBC) count is at it's lowest. So, we decided to fly. Super short 45 minute flight. And then we decided to keep Claire here with Mom (super brave of Mom as Claire is NOT weaned yet).

So, it's just Caeden and us headed to the wedding. We are really looking forward to seeing everyone and getting out of the house. Doing something that doesn't involve cancer. Doing something with family. With friends. It will be the best medicine of all.

Wayne is feeling better all the time, so I just might get that wedding dance. :)

Won't be blogging until I get back (next Monday), but my handy-dandy iPhone gets email, so if you need something, you can find me that way. Or if you need Wayne. But chances are we'll both be in the swimming pool with Caeden until wedding duty calls.

Updates (with wedding pictures) next week!

Houston

We've got a busy couple of weeks ahead of us.

We're headed to Rapid City on Thursday for Nikki & John's wedding. Caeden is the ring bearer and Wayne and I are standing up for the couple. Can't wait!

Next Monday, Wayne and his father will fly to Houston and spend the week at MD Anderson. Wayne has an appointment with Dr. Patel (a medical oncologist) on Tuesday.

Wayne is doing great today. He improves each and every day and is really looking forward to going to SD...

So Much Going On

Caeden created the sweetest card at school. I love the answers to the questions. How funny that he knows my name!

Wayne continues to make improvement. Today he was able to get off of the couch and sit in a chair for a couple of hours. He drank an Ensure shake and had a couple of bites of cheese pizza tonight. He is very weak and feels yucky, but thankfully the horrible side effects are wearing off.

Claire is sick. I rocked her in her rocking chair all night last night (keeping her upright so that she wouldn't cough).

Caeden is doing wonderful. He's so sweet and fun. I love this age.

I am trying to figure out where to go and what to do next. We're thinking of moving to South Dakota to be closer to Wayne's family. I am also job hunting. And trying to figure out what to do with the house.

In a nutshell, things are crazy! Or maybe they aren't, but I am?

Cupcakes

Mimi & Caeden on Mother's Day ...walking toward cupcake bliss.


Caeden loved the strawberry frosting and the chocolate frosting.


He loved licking them directly off the cupcakes & off my finger ...


I must not have loved whatever I just tried (red velvet). But I did love the chocolate!


Mother's Day dessert at Nomelie, a cute lil' cupcake bakery with light pink walls and the smell of chocolate in the air ...



(Mom and Lindsay sharing a bite ...)

Hangin' Tough

Feeling a bit vulnerable after that last post, I thought I'd lighten things up with a picture of Wayne, totally chemo'ed up, doing his tough guy pose.

"Val, take a picture of me looking tough."

"Really?"

"Yeah, with my fist in the air."

I'd say he nailed it (although .... a tattoo down his arm would really complete the look).

Bulletin Board

As I walked past my office, I stopped to look at my bulletin board. Over time I have added pretty pictures, funny quotes, decorating ideas, cards that I receive in the mail, etc. And today, I stopped to look at it because I haven't added anything to it in awhile.

I see the very first family picture we took after Claire was born.

I see a picture of an Anthropologie bedroom, torn from their magazine, that I wanted to recreate for Wayne and I ...

I see a picture story board that I drew full of photo ideas.

A book club wish list.

A watercolor Caeden created of a cement truck.

Then, from my desk drawer, I added a quote that my girlfriend sent me, "Deep in the heart, somewhere in the soul, LOVE finds a way to be forever."

And I sat down and cried.

Day 5 Update

Today is a new day. And a much better day!

Wayne started coming around early this morning. This afternoon he is making jokes and giving the nurses hell. He's going to have one more round of methylene blue (blue dye) to help with the toxicity levels and then he gets to come home tonight!

What a huge difference. Last night he thought he was in Houston, TX and thought it was the year 2002. He couldn't walk. He was really, really sick.

Can you believe what blue dye and some hydration can do??!

We can't wait to get him home.

Day 5

There is so much to say and explain, but I do not have it in me. Typing it is like reliving it.

I know you need to know how he is doing, so forgive me for not posting a lot of detail, but here is a status update.

Wayne is suffering from neurotoxicity. It is a side effect of Ifex (chemo). He is in the hospital and they are trying to correct it. He hasn't been able to walk, has limited speech capabilities, and has uncontrollable jerks.

Each day he should get a little bit better. Yesterday was his last day of treatment, I we are all hoping and praying that he recovers soon.

It is scary but he is being so brave. He is a fighter and I KNOW he will be okay. The process of getting there is horrific, but if anyone can do this, it is him.

Please keep him in your prayers.

Day 3

Today is a hard day.

Day 2

Day 2 and Wayne is rocking the chemo! He is not having nausea (last time it was severe) and is lucid (again, not so much last time). His spirits are up and his attitude is always positive.
He makes me so proud to be his wife.

Here's what his day is like: Straight away in the morning we head to the hospital to get started. He's hooked up to an IV that drips Ifosamide and Doxorubicin as well as Mesna and Thiamine (to reduce side effects). His treatment lasts 5.5 to 6 hours each day (we were expecting 4 hours) and we watch many cancer patients come and go (Wayne's treatment is by far the longest of anyone else we've seen).

The infusion room is a communal room with big, bright windows. There are comfortable (ish) chairs for the patients to sit in, tv and movie machines to pass the time, and lots of gossip magazines to read. When Wayne is done with hydration and the Ifosamide, he is sent home. He has a port inside of his chest with an IV attached, and the Doxorubicin continuously drips from a portable pump that he carries around. This is what he is holding up in the picture.

When Wayne comes home, he is tired. Yesterday he napped, but today he didn't (wants to watch Family Guy instead). His preference is to sleep on our sofa because it is easier for him to get up from (since his heart surgery). So, last night I joined him on the other sofa, just to make sure he was okay. I was expecting a night of nausea and hallucinations, but instead he slept peacefully without incident. I am so thankful he is feeling better than last time. It truly is amazing how well he is handling these drugs (which are the most aggressive).

Caeden has been very perceptive throughout this process. Today I called him from the hospital and the conversation went like this:

C: Sooo, how is Daddy doing?
Me: He is great. The medicine is doing it's job.
C: Soooo, his medicine is taking out the cancer bugs?
Me: It sure is honey.
C: Is Daddy hurting?
Me: No baby. He is just excited to come home and see you.
C: That is a great idea, Mommy. Bring him home to me because I love him soooooo much.

Well just a quick note to let everyone know the second day is over and so far so good. Val is going to post more including a picture of what chemo looks like (I know everyone wants to know!)

Wayne

Hello Everyone!

Just a quick note tonight as it has been a busy day. The first day of chemo went well and so far so good. I went in this morning and everything is going well. The doc sent Home Health to do a medication changeover tonight and Val learned how to push the medication. She was a pro and even corrected the nurse a time or two! There are some side medications that help counteract the chemo and they get pushed at night (which is why they sent home health).

More of an update tomorrow.

Thank you for all of your well wishes and prayers.

Wayne

We've Got a Plan

I'm staring at 9 Doctor's appointments. That's a lot of data entry into Entourage (Mac version of Outlook).

It starts like this: Monday-Thursday is chemo - 4 hours each day.
Then, blood work, blood work, blood work.

We were thankful that he will be on the mend for the May 16th wedding in South Dakota, but what we didn't realize is that he blood count will be at its lowest that weekend. That means he is very vulnerable to sickness and will be tired. Hopefully he can overcome it to dance the night away with me...? Well, maybe a couple of dances.

This weekend I have to work on getting him to EAT. The next couple of weeks he won't be able to take much more than Ensure shakes, so I'm hoping he can pack it on this weekend to sustain him. I've got a freezer full of ice cream bars and the pizza place on speed dial.

Speaking of food, the ginger steak salad was fantastic! I would say this, though. Double the salad dressing. We were really rationing it out for 4 people, and none of us had enough dressing (which is delicious!) See Wednesday's post for the link to the recipe. It's a keeper.



Have a wonderful weekend!

Last of the Lightheartedness

Tomorrow is Wayne's "big" appointment. We'll have his chemo schedule & all the details that comes along with that. So, today is Lindsay's next-to-last day helping us with the kids. We thought we would sneak out for lunch - so we did. J.Alexanders for a veggie burger for me and chicken strips for Wayne (as much as he tries to eat high calorie foods, the weight continues to fall off of him).

We were people watching while waiting for our food when he says, "I'm anxious about tomorrow."

Me too.

Because I know the next week(s) will be tough going, I thought I'd post one more light blog entry. Fun stuff to take the edge off...

Handmade bubblebath/paint for the kiddos that can smell like anything you want
(including frosted cupcakes) Find it HERE.

A recipe for Chocolate Mint Brownies: HERE.


The place I get Claire's super cute hair stuff. HERE.

And, last but not least, my photography teacher is giving away a free spot to her next class (which has a waiting list of 581 people). Find out details HERE.

Now I leave you with some pictures of the kids playing on the floor last night (cuz' that's just the kind of Mom I am).

Complete Randomness

I still do not have any MD Anderson news to report other than getting records to them has been quite the ordeal. Wayne has been to three different hospitals in the Denver area, and of course they do not share records, even when his oncologist has privileges at each of them.

Wayne has an appt. on Friday to get the details of his next round of chemo, which should start Monday (if not this weekend). So, that's all I have to report on Wayne.

Now, for total randomness.

I'm taking a photography class and today I was taking pictures of Claire, and got a TON of adorable ones. Only to upload them and learn that 90% of them are blurry. I am getting so sick of that! The one above is us playing peek a boo. She'd hide her head behind the corner and then pop it out and I'd act all surprised. She loved it. I loved it more.

Next, is there anyone out there that needs a new pair of flip flops for summer? I have gone through all the brands: J.Crew, Havaianas, etc. Then, I slip on an incredible pair that my sister had worn over to the house. They are like walking on marshmallows and do not rub in between your toes. Where did she get them?

Target! I just LOVE that dang store. I wish I didn't. I spend way too much money there. But not too much on these lil' gems. They're 2.99! I highly suggest getting to your local Target before they are all sold out. I have been stalking mine, and they are always sold out (until I scored some tonight), so don't give up hope! Totally worth it. Trust me.

They are not online, so I don't have a link to show you what they look like, but they are plain - they look exactly like Havaianas, and come in brown and black. Really basic and they go with everything.



Claire would wear them, too, but she's just getting the hang of crawling.

Have you all discovered Pioneer Woman? I'm making her ginger steak salad for dinner tomorrow. It's my debut on the grill - I'm officially taking over grill duty as Wayne goes through chemo since the smell of food pretty much sends him over the edge. Tomorrow's blog may have graphic pictures of me with my hair on fire or the family politely choking down little, burnt pieces of meat - but dang it anyway, I'm excited!

Guacamole Recipe

I did not have a picture of my guacamole so I thought it made perfect sense to post a picture of Claire eating a cheerio.

Guacamole

4 Haas Avocados
1 Serrano Chile (not a jalapeno), finely diced
Fresh Lime Juice
Kosher Salt
Cherry Tomatoes, cut into 1/4 pieces, seasoned with salt and pepper
3-4 Garlic Cloves, minced
Cilantro, small chop (to taste)
Red Onion, small dice (to taste)

Get all your ingredients chopped/diced.

Then, smash your avocados up (I like them to be chunky, but again, whatever floats your boat). Immediately squeeze some lime juice on the avocados.
Add the rest of the ingredients to taste.
I like heat, so I leave some of the rib and seeds of the serrano chile, but if you don't, make sure you take those out before adding the chile.
I add to the bowl, a little at a time, until everything tastes good.

Kosher salt makes a difference, as does the serrano chile.

Enjoy!

Weekend Update

We had a busy day yesterday. Ken and Mom came over to help us around the house. Mom brought food (will post her recipe) and Ken installed baby gates, delivered our BBQ, and went to Home Depot for some shelving for Claire's room. I guess I should say HE had a busy day yesterday.

Claire is getting the hang of crawling. Considering she is 11 months old today, this is a good thing. Like I mentioned a while ago, we waited too long to put them up when Caeden was learning to crawl, so thankfully we are more prepared this time around.

Wayne is feeling better every day. He is able to put on t-shirts (getting things over his head was impossible until now), sleep without needing narcotics, and is getting stronger. Today we are going to the gym so he can walk on the treadmill. His goal is a mile. My goal is to run, although I haven't gone to the gym since his diagnosis, so who knows. I might just have a smoothie and call it a day.

Wayne talked to Mac this morning (his boss) - Getting things settled at work, which is a relief and also sad at the same time. Wayne is going on short term disability (6 months) so that he can go through multiple rounds of chemo and have surgeries without having to worry about job performance. Mac is such an amazing man, both personally and professionally, and the way he communicates with Wayne - honest and forthcoming - makes this transition not so scary. We are thankful everyday for our Microsoft family.

Speaking of work, I have spent a lot of time thinking about what I should be doing. Get a job? Go back to school (finish my Masters, or perhaps something else like nursing {better pay and flexible hours}) but we've decided to keep things how they are for now. Keep the kids at home instead of daycare is one less stressor for them (especially Caeden) and for all of us. With me at home, I can care for Wayne through chemo, through his recovery, and that is the most important. Health and family - both are worth the fight. I just hope you don't have to fight quite as hard as we have to.

Here's Mom's recipe for pork tacos. She just "whipped it up" but I did my best to nail her down for the recipe because it is soooo good. Perfect for the crockpot in the morning, so when you come home from work, all you have to do is squeeze a lime (On the taco or in a beer, I do not judge!).

Pork Tacos

Pork Roast
Can of diced tomatoes and green chiles
Diced onion
Taco seasoning packet plus a lil' extra (like more chili powder and cumin)
salt and pepper
1 1/2 C. water

Season the pork and toss into the crock pot. Add the seasonings, chilies, tomatoes, and onions. Cook on low all day. When ready, pull pork apart and add a bit of the juice to keep it moist. Excellent as left-overs, too.

Serve with:

Corn or flour torillas (warm)
Squeeze of fresh lime
Lettuce
Tomato (this time of year, buy cherry tomatoes, chop in half and season with pepper)
Guacamole (I make the BEST. If you do not have a favorite, let me know and will post mine)
Cheese
Salsa
Sour Cream

*I also saute a few onions until caramelized, but that's usually a weekend thing, not a weekday.

Serve with a fruit salad and wha-la!

It Takes Two Baby

Lindsay has been my helper all month. She has helped me so much with the kids. Thanks to her, they haven't gone without attention, a snack, a bath, OR a snuggle.

See Claire doing "Soooo Big!" up there? That's because Lindsay taught her how.



Caeden having a smoothie for a snack. Lindsay whipped this up in place of his request for a 7-11 Slurpee. Much better!



Caeden had his 4 year Doctor appointment the other day and they sent us home with a pamphlet about things ... one of the suggestions was teaching Caeden hopscotch. I didn't mention anything to Lindsay about it, but she must have read it on her own, because when I came outside, look what they were doing. Brilliant.


Yes, we are getting along just fine with Lindsay here.

What? You wonder what I do?

Take pictures, of course. :)

The Story of Us ...

A friend of mine asked me last night to tell her the story of how Wayne and I fell in love. I thought I was post the story here since I am hard pressed to come up with a topic today since Wayne is still on the same clothes and hasn't said anything witty today. Today I am on my own.

Long, long ago I was transplanted from Gillette, WY to Sturgis, SD during my middle school years. We moved due to my Mom and Dad divorcing, so the reason for going was really sad, but just as I was SURE my mom was ruining my life to force to me to leave my friends in Gillette, something amazing happened. I found myself flourishing there. I made wonderful, lifelong friends. I liked my teachers. I was happy! So, 7th and 8th grade were wonderful. The usual things kept me busy like cheerleading (I guess this isn't so popular anymore?), writing for the school paper, passing notes, and figuring out how to navigate into a teenager.

Then 9th grade happened. In Sturgis, 9th grade means High School. Me and my friends were happily unaware that we were nothing more than shark bait for the senior guys. The guys made a list of us (along with comments) as if they were picking out cattle.

Cattle.

So, there we were, on the "list." And there were these guys who befriended us. Purely innocent, no?

No.

Oh my gosh, how we had fun. (Please remind me to delete this post before Caeden and Claire learn to read.)

Wayne and his group of fellas and me and my group of friends all hung out that year. We learned what Purple Passion (grape flavored liquor ... like a wine cooler, if I recall) tasted like. We "cruised" in cars. We hung out. We laughed A LOT.

Now, what you need to know is that Wayne was quite resourceful. Somehow (I will spare the details, but lets just say he was brilliant. If only he used that brain for good instead of evil ...!)
he had a fake ID. But real good. This was back when kids could still outsmart the authorities. Back before technology took away all the fun ... (I say this as I look back on those days, but NOT as a Mom, because we all know I will most certainly deny all of this story when my kids are old enough to hear it).

So, I knew Wayne. But not very well. Then, one COLD night, I lost a friends' wallet (fell out of my pocket) along the road, and so there I was, walking up and down the street looking for this wallet ... and here comes Wayne in his dad's corvette.

Yes! I know!

Wayne and Tom were cruising around (that's what we did back when gas was .85 a gallon) and picked me (and Amber Flint) up to help us look for it. That was the beginning.

We dated behind my Mom's back (Sorry Mom! I know you understand it was completely worth the sneaking around when you look at your beautiful grandchildren, right?). I'll never be able to watch "Dirty Dancing" without thinking about how Wayne was too nervous to hold my hand while we were watching the movie, so I had to GRAB his.

That wonderful year came to an end and Wayne graduated high school and headed to basic training. My family moved back to Gillette, so we went our separate ways.

When I graduated high school, one of the first things I did was call Wayne. His parents have a super easy number to remember, I had it memorized for 3 years! It's 605.787.... Just kidding. Not going to give it away. You never know when solicitors are blog surfing.

Dang solicitors.

Anyway, I called him and he immediately came and picked me up... I don't think we were apart again. Co-dependent, but deliriously happy.

He proposed to me at Roughlock Falls ... he had me hunting for a tree with his parents' initials carved into it. And then I turned around. There he was, on one knee, asking me to marry him. I played hard to get and told him I'd have to think about it.

That isn't true. But I swear the rest of the story is.

We married young, I was 19 and he was 21. We will be celebrating 15 years in September. 15 years. We're getting to the point of being together longer than we have lived apart. How strange (and wonderful) is that to think about?

We spent 10 years without children - we spent many a weekend sleeping in ... spending money frivolously (does anyone remember his Audi A6?), and traveling (one of my favorites was Valentine's Day in London...).

Then we had Caeden. And Claire. And now we are wondering why in the world did we spend so much time sleeping in?? Seriously, we waited too long. They are our everything.

So here we are. The story of us in a nut shell.