All Mine.

Tonight after I put Claire to sleep, Caeden and I headed to the creek.

Not one to pose (or let me pose him, I guess) I get a lot of shots that look like this. No face. Or an annoyed face (takes after his Dad on that). Or just a "please put the camera down" face.

So we skipped rocks.

Found sticks to draw in the sand.

He explored the water while I sat on the bank and watched him in his sweet five year old way that he has about him.

Couldn't love him anymore, but then the next day, I do.

These kids. They are my everything.
No one warned me...
And the surprise of them never gets old.

And while I get lots of these (not going to smile) shots, I love them all the same. 

Because truth be told, when you have toes like this, a smile on your face is way overrated.

And when it was all said and done, he grabbed my hand and we walked back to the truck together. "Mom, I really love you. Thanks for the special date."

Thinking that I love his manners ... and the way he speaks .... and thinks ... and loves.

And I think, even when I doubt myself ... and what I am doing to make my family better ... happier ... safer ... I look at Caeden and know I am not doing so bad.

My everything(s). Together we will get through anything.

Well Hello

So sorry I have been MIA. Last weekend was crazy fun and amazing. I met the most brilliant and creative and fun and uber cool people this weekend. Had to pinch myself many times because I couldn't believe I was hanging with them!  :) More on them tomorrow...

Can I just say I will always and forever be loyal to Matilda Jane?? Always!




I have been trying to play catch up with all the session editing and finally posted last client session online so I feel like I can blog and not feel guilty about the million things I need to do (as my children fend for themselves right now ... ha!)

I have so many pictures and stories and experiences to share. I want to do it right and give you great blog posts this week, so I will take some time today and organize and edit ...

...and be a brilliant blogger this week!

First up: Wayne is doing okay. He is in week two of chemo and is functioning great. Not eating much but is trying. He will be on break next week but that is usually the week he feels the worst. Caeden drew a picture of him this morning and there was hair on his head. Caeden said, "This is Daddy before...."

Killed me.

Dan Patrick, a colleague of Wayne's ... and a friend to us both, is riding 90 miles for Wayne in the LIVESTRONG Challenge in Austin, TX. It's Oct 22-24. We will do our best to get there to support him. (It was awful not to be in Seattle for LIVESTRONG to cheer everyone on over Father's Day weekend.)

Second: The kids are fantastic. Loved spending the past weekend with their Grandpa. I wish every day they lived down the street. How many people can say that about their in-laws?

Third: Friendship ... tomorrow's post is dedicated to my amazing friend Jami. Can't wait to tell you all about her and the other wickedly brilliant and creative women I met. 
It was so good for my soul...

Super Short and Sweet

1. Claire in 10th percentile for height. That girl does not take after her Mama one ioda!

2. Editing pictures like a lunatic but still am not going to have anything to show until next week.

3. Because I am headed to Indiana tomorrow at 6am. Will be apart of Matilda Jane Land all weekend long (Thank you, Dad, for coming down and saving my butt with the kids ... there is lots of yummy food for you in the fridge and pantry. I wish you luck.)

4. Crazy about Snooze. Favorite breakfast place on earth. This is what yesterday's witty post was all about.

Claire's strawberry shortcake (made with english muffins) french toast. omg. omg. omg.

5. Packing for a girlie weekend involves a lot of dresses, shoes, and a swimming suit or two. And more luggage than I am allowed to take. Camera ... laptop ... chargers ... curling iron ... being a girl COMES with baggage, people.

6. Meeting up with a long lost High School friend that I would totally link you to ... but she does not blog. Maybe I can talk her into it.

And I am off.

Blogging from Indiana tomorrow.

XOXO.

Tomorrow.

Took 30 minutes to upload new pics with a witty story to go along with it. And then google just ate it. Too lazy to recreate my blogging masterpiece, I leave you with one simple picture and a promise to do better tomorrow.

 

Thumbs Up.

 

For the LIVESTRONG Event on Father's Day.

 

We are so proud of you guys!

 

 

Sneak Peek | Family and Children's Photographer | Colorado | In the Moment Photography by Valerie Koop

A sneak peek because ...

Because, when you are the family, waiting to see is hard!

Because this family gave me permission to share with you all ...

Because these three were so much fun to talk to.

Because I bribed them with candy the entire time.

Because I learned the boys' nicknames.

Because, seriously, I had so much fun.

Because this family is something special.

Into the Weekend

1. Toy Story 3 in 3D.

2. Swimming Pool.

3. More Motrin (something went horribly wrong with my leg while running.)

4. Photoshoot (beautiful, fun family) tonight.

5. Photoshoot (amazing, romantic, fully Colorado wedding) tomorrow.

6. Father's Day Sunday | LIVESTRONG EVENT

Into the weekend we go ....

Riding Strong for Wayne

Friends and colleagues of Wayne are riding in the 2010 LIVESTRONG Challenge 

in Seattle on Sunday.

Wayne's team is Randy, Ken, Shrikant, Nick, Jamie, Pete, Karsten, and Mackal.

Mackal's FB Page: Click here 

General Information Click here

Jamie and her husband (pictured above) did all the artwork for the signs and t-shirts using one of my favorite images of the kids with Wayne while he was undergoing chemo last fall.

This is a testament to true friendship, support, and encouragement.

There is absolutely no way we could fight this alone.

Thank you. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you.

Wish we could be there to cheer you on in person.

LIVESTRONG.

93 Degrees

Today we've got a 93 degree day ahead of us.

1. Swimming ... our pool is amazing. So grateful it is just down the street.

2. Mow the lawn ...

3. Blow Bubbles at the park and try and get some pictures ...

4. Make something yummy for dinner (on the grill) ... and maybe fruit pizza for dessert? I make mine in a tart pan so the edges are all pretty. Ever tried that?

5. Wayne is home. He's starting to come around, and in fact, yesterday was the first day he had his appetite back. 

Raspberry lemonade - to the next level. It's all about the details. ;)

Mesenchymal Chondrosarcoma | Update on Wayne

Just got off the phone with Wayne. According to Dr. Patel, there has been no growth in Wayne's tumors (located in lungs and hip).

There has also been no shrinkage. If his tumors do not respond after two more cycles, Dr. Patel wants to try something else.

Wayne's official weight loss was 15 pounds from last week.

He is headed home today and is on break until Monday.

Monday starts another two week cycle and he was told to just hang in there with the lack of appetite and stomach problems. It is expected he will have significant weight loss and they were not concerned at all.

So ...

Two more cycles.

Sunshine Food

After three days of nothing but dark skies and rain, the sun started to peek out from behind the clouds this afternoon.

Sunshine = summer food. Here is what I am making this week:

French Potato Salad (no mayo) and it is seriously the yummiest recipe ever.

BLTs (thick cut bacon, arugula instead of lettuce, and cherry tomatoes until my plants start to produce)

Grilled Chicken Club Sandwiches (grilled lemon chicken, avacados, lettuce, tomatoes on wheat)

Strawberry and Spinach Salad with toasted almonds (no real recipe)

Raspberry Lemonade (purchased)

I have two kids who told me they are DONE with frozen waffles. 

Yes, I am that Mom ... until they revolt.

Wayne is in testing today and will have results tomorrow ... around late morning.

The kids are running around like little lunatics while I blog, Claire chasing after Caeden saying, "Hug me! Hug me!"

Affection is a very good thing.

Weekend Update

Wayne needed assistance getting to Houston. He hasn't eaten anything of substance in over a week, and has lost at least 10 pounds ... probably more. Worried that he would not be able to carry his luggage, walk through the airport, or get himself food once he was in his hotel, I asked his best friend Randy to go with him.

And Randy said yes instantly.
And his wife Kaycee was amazing and supportive
and sent him off with a smile ...
(Kaycee JUST moved to Denver a week ago with the 4 kids - she has a TON on her plate.)

And when Wayne woke up and I told him what I did, he got mad. Really mad.

So is the cycle. Him not knowing what is best... What his limitations are.
Me second-guessing my decisions when he gets upset.

Trying to be more empathic and understanding to him while also growing a THICKER skin. Easier said than done.

So those of you who think we are some sort of power couple and tackling Cancer without issue, please know we are just human and doing the best we can.
Wayne has bad days. I have bad days.
Sometimes he feels bitter. I feel guilt. We both feel joy. 
I am not some sort of cheerleader or super wife.
He is not always strong.
We are just human. 


And I want to share that side of things with you.
The real side of battling cancer.
And ... it's another reason I took comments off.
I don't think I could stand to share some of this if I had to worry
what people would say.

So read at your own risk, okay?

Now Wayne is gone. Flying to Houston as I type this (with Randy, thank goodness). And he texted me twice, which is more communication than we have had in days, which means two things:
he is feeling better and he is glad Randy is with him.

This morning I took the kids to church and then to McDonalds for lunch. Claire kept saying, "Church! Church," like I was FINALLY taking her somewhere she has been wanting to go (that picture is her all cute this morning). 

And Caeden. Oh Caeden. He said, "Now Mom, I am thinking this kindergarten isn't for me. I want Gold Rush." And I explained Church and School were different ... he knows this, right? He didn't. So, we will be going every Sunday. What a wake up call.

And here I am this morning via brilliant budding photographer Claire. I let her use the phone for brief moments while I get ready because it's the only thing that allows me to handle a hot curling iron without fear she will grab for it. Anyway, she loves to take pictures. 

Just like her Mama. Love that.

So.

We are now waiting for news from Houston. 

We'll know something on Tuesday.

Listening to these songs quite a bit lately:


Stuck in  a Moment by U2

Why Georgia by John Mayer

Carnival.

I remember the anticipation of waiting for the carnival to come to town. Living in a small, barely-there town in Wyoming meant when the carnival came ... it was a big deal.

As a child, it meant trying to talk my little brother into some of the more daring rides. Eating as much junk food as my Mom would buy me, and thinking, "How does life get any better?"

As a young teen, it meant the social calendar was full every night. Getting dressed up to walk around with my girlfriends, holding hands with my boyfriend, and screaming at the top of my lungs, "We're all gunna DIE!!!" as my favorite ride, the 'Zipper,' hurtled us towards the ground.

And, now, as an adult ... as a parent ... I take a look at these 'set up overnight' sensations with skeptical eyes and wonder how in the world this could all actually be safe?

Well, the carnival has come to town in Parker. Over the past week we have watched as it has come to life and today is the day Caeden gets to experience it for himself. I promised him I would ride on anything he wanted me to with him. He could try funnel cakes. We would stay for as long as he wanted.

Today the carnival has come to town ... and I intend to make sure Caeden's memories of what small town life can be like are just as special as mine.

Photo Credit Here.

P.S.

Going to give blog comments a break - so hopefully you can just read and NOT feel like you have to post something. Pressure is gone.

And.

I am done with Facebook.

Simplifying for the summer. Feels good to let it all go.

More. (But Last of It.) -- Lindsay's Never Ending Shower Pics. :)

Wanted to "borrow" her flower clip. So dang cute.

Wayne's sister, Nikki.

Kelly and her little guy, N. I cannot tell you the baby urge I felt when I held him!!!

 

Joanna, Jordan's sister. SUCH a doll.

In the corner, my Mother in Law, Donna. I love her so.

And the gorgeous blond? Andrea. Bride to be next weekend! I am shooting her wedding, so you KNOW there will be pictures to share.

Strawberry bellini. Pink chair (If you didn't know this about me, uh, I am a girlie girl...). Lindsay looking so pretty in her cream dress.

Here's the three of us. I love this picture as my Mom hates her picture taken, so we don't have very many good ones of the three of us together.

You know what else I love about this one? Lindsay's ring finger hand up by her neck. She favors that hand. I really love that.

On a completely unrelated note, thank you so much for all the emails and texts and comments yesterday. Sometimes when I just let it all out, I get embarrassed by the attention it brings. I appreciate you all and love you all so much, but please don't feel like you have to respond.

We will all be okay. 

Thank you for letting me share.

This blog is definitely my soft place to fall.

Thank you for that.

Wayne had a much better night last night. 

He is on some new meds and got some more Zofran ... and took some Ambien (sp?). 

That combo worked well...

Overnight ...

 

Overnight the roses in my backyard bloomed gorgeous, hot pink flowers.

Overnight my little girl decided she was big enough to climb out of her crib and walk downstairs.

"Good Morning, Mommy," she said.

Overnight I went from running 5 miles at a 9:40 pace ...

to running 3 miles at a 7:20 pace and the other two at an 8:20 pace.

 

Wayne is not doing well. The side effects of his chemo leave him very weak,

sick, and tired. He doesn't like to talk.

Not sure how much he even hears me say when I try talking to him.

I wish this would all go away overnight.

Most of the time, I feel like I can handle everything.

But, not so overnight, I feel like I am slowly losing a grip on most everything.

Cancer, I think, does this to a family. Things are fine one day.

Then, overnight they are not. Even if nothing has changed.

I haven't really shared the rawness I am feeling lately; I hope it doesn't freak you all out.

The other night I was watching Caeden sleep. He was in a really deep sleep ... and he had beads of sweat on his face and neck. His mouth was open a little bit, and he was clutching his favorite blanket tightly. I watched him sleep for a long time. Just taking him in. 

Being so happy to sit and watch him. So peaceful.

So, I count my blessings and I pray a lot. I ask for wisdom and strength, mostly. 

I also give thanks. Because no matter what, there is so much to be grateful for. 

And I need to remember that when I feel like it is all out of my reach.

Shower ... Part Two.

Ever After ... { Lindsay's Bridal Shower }

Girlie Bridal Shower ...

Gorgeous Bride to Be.

Peonies all over the place.

Music.

Champagne.

Laughter.

Everyone dressed up.

Did I mention how beautiful Lindsay looked??

 

Itty Bitty Chalkboards throughout the house spelling out messages like :

Love ... Ever After ... and - my favorite, 

All You Need is Love ....

(because I really believe if you have that, everything else in life will be okay).

What kind of photographer would I be not to steal Lindsay away for a quick 5 minute shoot? 

She is such a vision. So, so happy for my baby sister.

I hosted brunch ... so there was french toast skewers, yogurt parfaits, quiche, blueberry muffins, fresh fruit Bellinis (fruit puree and champagne), etc. Girlie food.

Peonies. Sigh.

 

There will be more tomorrow. And probably the next day, too...

Bridal Shower | Colorado | Lindsay Nelson

A quick picture to show you my smashing sister. She GLOWED today.

Mission accomplished. She felt adored, celebrated, and special.

She is all of those things. And more.

Lots more.

I have so much to share ... but we are going for round 2 tonight ... off to celebrate outside with lemon martinis and lots of fun.

But you better believe there will be more pictures & stories tomorrow...

XOXO

Val