Home Away From Home

We've been in Rapid staying with Wayne's parents (here forward referred to as Mom and Dad or Grandpa and Grandma). Caeden cannot get enough. Being outside and "working" keeps him busy, happy, and content. Claire is getting used to her new room (and me sleeping in there, too). She wakes at the crack of dawn and says "Mama Mama" until I cannot resist ... and the day begins.



I write this entry from Houston. It's warm and humid here and it feels fantastic. The city is much cleaner and prettier than I thought it would be. We're staying about a mile from MD Anderson's facilities. Wayne drove me by it this afternoon and I couldn't get over how HUGE it is. Truly impressive.

Wayne's day starts early tomorrow morning and goes until 6 pm. He is going to be busy with tests, scans, and prep work. Tuesday we meet with his new oncologist, Dr. Patel. I fly back to Rapid after the meeting, and Dad will fly down to be with Wayne on Wednesday morning; his third round of chemo begins.

This afternoon we ventured to Magnolia to see my Uncle Tom, Aunt Pam, my cousin Cori and her two girls, Reagan & Ryleigh. They have such a beautiful place and it was great to see them. Family - it doesn't make Houston seem quite so far away from home, you know? Love them. Wish I had brought my camera (how often I think that - I should start carrying a point and shoot when I can't bring my 5D) to show you their amazing house that they built themselves. Just gorgeous.

Wish Wayne luck and patience tomorrow...

Let Her Eat Cake

First taste of sugar. I think she liked it.


She definitely liked helping herself. The look on her face as she dove in was just hilarious. However, those chubby fingers all covered in sweet frosting is what I snapped a picture of.



Making a wish & blowing out that lone, red candle.


Happy Birthday Sweet Baby Claire Bear.

Starting Now

Yesterday Claire turned 1. We went to the park for a picnic, only to get rained out, but the party continued on at Grandpa & Grandma's house. Claire dove into her cake (pictures to come) like a pro. Never one to feed herself, the girl found a way to get that chocolate goodness into her mouth after all.

The photo above was taken at 5 am. While she sleeps through the night now, she rises early!


Have you ever met Lucy Goosie? Our Golden, hairy first born. I taught her to lick my feet! Don't judge me, Wayne wouldn't ever rub them.


We are still in Rapid City. Trying hard to make a 1,000 decisions based on "what ifs" and "but what happens when...?" and "yeah, but have we thought about THIS? That? The other?"

Here is where we are now:

I was offered the position I interviewed for here in Rapid. I'll be working in advertising sales for a wonderful company and am looking forward to the opportunity! To be challenged, to have my own "thing" outside the house is exciting. And, I want to take the burden off of Wayne (worrying about work) so he can focus on getting better.

But I am wondering how putting the kids in daycare, having Wayne going through treatment, trying to sell the house in Denver, and move to Rapid will all go while I am starting this new venture. I know it will all work out, but right now things are just insane around here. Or maybe things are calm and the insanity is just happening in my head. Either way, I have a headache.

Wayne cannot have his chemo here. The Rapid City Cancer Care facility is wonderful, but just not equipped to monitor Wayne's type of chemo. It is a surprise, and an unwelcome obstacle, but we will figure it out. Wayne does not want to return to Denver for treatment (the level of incompetence is staggering) and prefers to go to Houston for all treatment anyway, so it's just the way it is. We'll make it work.

I've been touring daycare and preschool facilities. I think I may have found one I like, but it's across town. The ratio of babies to caregiver is 5:1. Scary. Please tell me everything will be okay. Not staying home with the kids is a big deal to me. Trying to be brave, trying to believe that Claire will still prefer me even though I will only see her a few hours a day. :(

We have decided to go ahead and sell the house (and take a bath on it) to eliminate the burden of carrying a double mortgage and the hassle of having a property to worry about. So, that means sooner or later we can buy a house here. There is an area called "West Blvd" in Rapid that I just adore. It's a neighborhood of older homes with big trees in the yard, front porches, and charm. The problem is that I want to buy one that has already been updated with new electrical, plumbing, windows, etc. Probably not going to happen, BUT, if anyone out there in Rapid Land hears of a little gem like that, let me know!

I'm sure Dave and Donna would appreciate having their house back. I mean, we're loveable enough, but come on, they thought when we left the nest the first time they were off the hook.

The plan going forward:

Fly to Houston this weekend. Wayne starts treatment next week.
Stage and clean the house in Denver. Stick a "for sale" sign in the yard.
Pack up what we need to get by for the summer in Rapid.

Come back to Rapid and start working (me).
Come back to Rapid and recover (Wayne).
Come back to Rapid and go to a new school (Caeden).
Come back to Rapid and realize Mama isn't around much (Claire).
Come back to Rapid and start again.
Come back to Rapid and be okay.

That's What You Get When You Pour Your Heart Out ...

Apparently, instead of running to the computer each time I have a bit of news, I should probably wait a day to make sure it sticks.

We are not selling our house. It seems our neighborhood is full of homes either short selling/homes for sale. So, this means our home is worth sooooo much less because other people are selling their homes for a song. It is a ruthless market, and we have gracefully bowed out. Yes, even after I declared money is nothing - I'll tell you this, walking away from almost everything you have IS something. So, we're keeping the house and still moving to Rapid. If anyone knows of a cute rental up there, let me know!

Ideally it would have hardwood floors, built-ins, a cute yard full of flowers, and lots of character.

Or not.

If it has enough bathrooms, I am not that picky.

But ... big, sunny windows in the kitchen would be nice.

And a housekeeper. That would be on the wish list, too.

Tap, tap. Is this thing working??

Anyway, if you haven't already learned, things change pretty darn quick around here.

Tomorrow we are headed back to Rapid (I have a job interview) and will spend a couple of days up there. Wayne will be heading to Houston later next week. We are still trying to figure out if I am going with him or not. Having children makes things a bit tricky because they are not allowed in the infusion room. Can you imagine keeping a 4 year old boy happy in a tiny hotel room all day while your 12 month old napped? Exactly. Tricky, tricky.

I know everyone is on vacation - and should be out swimming or boating or picnicing or something. So, a blog vacation this weekend would hardly be missed, would it? I'm taking my camera with me this time, so next week I will have plenty of pictures to share.

Let summertime begin!

We Got Our Dance

It went a little something like this:


Some day, when I'm awfully low,
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you...
And the way you look tonight.

Yes you're lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft,
There is nothing for me but to love you,
And the way you look tonight.

With each word your tenderness grows,
Tearing my fear apart...
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,
It touches my foolish heart.

Lovely ... Never, ever change.
Keep that breathless charm.
Won't you please arrange it ?
'Cause I love you ... Just the way you look tonight.

Mm, Mm, Mm, Mm,
Just the way you look to-night.



The Way You Look Tonight (Frank Sinatra)

It's Our Turn.

I remember when our neighbors across the street fell on hard times. Jen had to get a job, something she really didn't want to do because she had a toddler at home that she wanted to spend time with. I remember how she cried on my front porch over how unfair it was. How cheated she felt.

I remember a hot summer morning, not so long after that conversation with Jen, when Caeden and I were sitting outside on the driveway. We were blowing bubbles at 8 am because he'd been up for 3 hours already and we had run out of things to do inside. I remember Jen's garage door opening up and her SUV pulling out. She was on her way to work. I remember waving to her as she passed by our house ... and I remember the hard look on her face.

I will never forget thinking, "I am so glad that isn't me," as I watched Caeden catch the bubbles I blew in the air.

The truth is, we all take a turn. None of us will remain untouched. No matter how charmed our life, no matter how we think we have everything figured out. Planned. Accounted for.

This afternoon we have a Realtor coming to the house. We're selling during the absolute worst time ever. We'll lose a lot of what we have worked for over these 15 years together. We're doing it because we need to be closer to Rapid City. We're doing it, knowing a home is most certainly not a house. Not an address. A home is not contingent on granite, on square footage, on a backyard.

Home might be a hotel room in Houston. Or perhaps one of Mom and Dad's spare bedrooms. A rental in Rapid. As long as we're together, home is anywhere.

But.

I just hope whoever calls my house "home" appreciates the love that went into painting Claire's room. That they enjoy the gorgeous roses that thrive in the backyard. That they care for the hardwood cherry floors that make this house amazing.

And. I hope they don't take any of it for granted.

3 of a Kind

We took Deadwood by storm Thursday night. We congregated to the #10 and didn't leave for the rest of the night. We danced, we drank, we laughed, we {John & I} had a "who can chug a beer faster contest" {John was a worthy contender, but you know ... it was like taking candy from a baby...}, we bellied up to the tables and gambled a bit. Well, a lot.

The 3 of us pictured above {Me, Lindsay & Mike} walked away with straight flushes. Well, I walked away, stuffing the winnings in my purse cuz' I'm cheap like that, but the rest of the gang played quite a bit. Mike, you were up a TON, did you make it out alive?

Just for fun, the probability:

There are 40 possible straight flushes, including the four Royal Flushes. The probability of being dealt one of them is

Wedding

Photo Credit: Kissen's Camera

I didn't bring my camera to Rapid, and regretted it many, many times. Thankfully, everyone else was much more with it than I was, and now I can download pictures from Snapfish to share with you.

Nicole was such a beautiful bride. She looked stunning - and sooo happy. And then there's John. If the look in his eyes {when he saw Nicole} is any indication of how forever will go, I'd say they are going to live happily ever after.

Caeden was really sick during all of the festivities and made it very clear he wanted nothing to do with the wedding. As we were getting ready to walk down the aisle, I pleaded with him that if he would just suck it up and be a good ring bearer, there were cupcakes waiting for him ...
The allure of sugar was enticing enough to get him up to the bridal party, and then he flopped down like a wet fish, as I was not clear that he had to stand up as part of the deal...



It was a beautiful, classy, and FUN wedding. Nik and John's friends are incredible people and it was a blast getting to know everyone. So many people love and support Nikki and John and it was obvious all weekend long.

Cheers!

MD Anderson By the Numbers

It turns out MD Anderson is exactly the place we've been looking for. Wayne filled me in on his visit with Dr. Patel and it went something like this:

1. Chemo protocol was incorrect. Mesna was not administered in the correct way (for example, per Doctor's instructions, I was giving it to him at night in a 20 minute IV push, and it should have been dripped for days continuously).

2. A new chemo drug will be added to the cocktail.

3. His scans (MRI, X Ray, CT) were so horribly inconclusive that Dr. Patel has no idea what base line is/should have been. All of this will be re-done today to establish a base line (measurements of primary tumor in hip and mets in lungs).

4. Appointments happen much faster. Communication is paramount (we have access to nurses 24/7 via internet).

5. They know what they are doing. They KNOW what they are doing...!

6. Wayne is doing great. He sounds positive and encouraged. He sounds at ease.

7. I, however, have had to talk myself out of drinking a beer at 9:30 am to take the edge off while I waited for his call. Is it wrong that I miss my plastic vodka flask??

8. Wayne is headed home tomorrow. He gets to spend this weekend and next week non-chemo'ed up. He gets to celebrate Claire's 1st birthday feeling good. I am so excited for that! I hadn't planned anything for her party because we thought he'd be on day 3 of cycle 3 of chemo, which historically, puts him in the hospital.

I think our little girl will get balloons. A cake. And she will have her Daddy.

9. We will be headed back to Houston for his 3rd round of chemo next weekend (last weekend in May). It will be out-patient, so he'll spend his days in the infusion room, and then will be able to rest in a hotel room instead of the hospital.

Just Getting Started

Photo Credit: Mr. Ney Ney

You can't make this stuff up, folks. Let me introduce you to our Deadwood Bus Driver, Clark. That hair ... We laughed about that until we arrived in Deadwood and found other (ourselves) amusements ...

I don't have it in me to recap the weekend tonight, but I promise to bring it tomorrow.

Wayne's in Houston with Dave. His first appointment with Dr. Patel (oncologist) is tomorrow morning. You know I'll keep you posted.

South Dakota or Bust

Mom took Caeden home with her yesterday. They played outside - counting sprinklers, playing basketball, and fertilizing the yard. This morning she took him to the toy store, to get new clothes, a haircut, McDonalds, and dropped him off at school.

WHEW! Talk about nice. Thank you Mom!

So, this afternoon I've been doing laundry and packing for the trip. We were going to drive, but Claire is sick and Caeden came home from school early cuz' he's sick, too. It couldn't be worse timing because Wayne's white blood cell (WBC) count is at it's lowest. So, we decided to fly. Super short 45 minute flight. And then we decided to keep Claire here with Mom (super brave of Mom as Claire is NOT weaned yet).

So, it's just Caeden and us headed to the wedding. We are really looking forward to seeing everyone and getting out of the house. Doing something that doesn't involve cancer. Doing something with family. With friends. It will be the best medicine of all.

Wayne is feeling better all the time, so I just might get that wedding dance. :)

Won't be blogging until I get back (next Monday), but my handy-dandy iPhone gets email, so if you need something, you can find me that way. Or if you need Wayne. But chances are we'll both be in the swimming pool with Caeden until wedding duty calls.

Updates (with wedding pictures) next week!

Houston

We've got a busy couple of weeks ahead of us.

We're headed to Rapid City on Thursday for Nikki & John's wedding. Caeden is the ring bearer and Wayne and I are standing up for the couple. Can't wait!

Next Monday, Wayne and his father will fly to Houston and spend the week at MD Anderson. Wayne has an appointment with Dr. Patel (a medical oncologist) on Tuesday.

Wayne is doing great today. He improves each and every day and is really looking forward to going to SD...

So Much Going On

Caeden created the sweetest card at school. I love the answers to the questions. How funny that he knows my name!

Wayne continues to make improvement. Today he was able to get off of the couch and sit in a chair for a couple of hours. He drank an Ensure shake and had a couple of bites of cheese pizza tonight. He is very weak and feels yucky, but thankfully the horrible side effects are wearing off.

Claire is sick. I rocked her in her rocking chair all night last night (keeping her upright so that she wouldn't cough).

Caeden is doing wonderful. He's so sweet and fun. I love this age.

I am trying to figure out where to go and what to do next. We're thinking of moving to South Dakota to be closer to Wayne's family. I am also job hunting. And trying to figure out what to do with the house.

In a nutshell, things are crazy! Or maybe they aren't, but I am?

Cupcakes

Mimi & Caeden on Mother's Day ...walking toward cupcake bliss.


Caeden loved the strawberry frosting and the chocolate frosting.


He loved licking them directly off the cupcakes & off my finger ...


I must not have loved whatever I just tried (red velvet). But I did love the chocolate!


Mother's Day dessert at Nomelie, a cute lil' cupcake bakery with light pink walls and the smell of chocolate in the air ...



(Mom and Lindsay sharing a bite ...)

Hangin' Tough

Feeling a bit vulnerable after that last post, I thought I'd lighten things up with a picture of Wayne, totally chemo'ed up, doing his tough guy pose.

"Val, take a picture of me looking tough."

"Really?"

"Yeah, with my fist in the air."

I'd say he nailed it (although .... a tattoo down his arm would really complete the look).

Bulletin Board

As I walked past my office, I stopped to look at my bulletin board. Over time I have added pretty pictures, funny quotes, decorating ideas, cards that I receive in the mail, etc. And today, I stopped to look at it because I haven't added anything to it in awhile.

I see the very first family picture we took after Claire was born.

I see a picture of an Anthropologie bedroom, torn from their magazine, that I wanted to recreate for Wayne and I ...

I see a picture story board that I drew full of photo ideas.

A book club wish list.

A watercolor Caeden created of a cement truck.

Then, from my desk drawer, I added a quote that my girlfriend sent me, "Deep in the heart, somewhere in the soul, LOVE finds a way to be forever."

And I sat down and cried.

Day 5 Update

Today is a new day. And a much better day!

Wayne started coming around early this morning. This afternoon he is making jokes and giving the nurses hell. He's going to have one more round of methylene blue (blue dye) to help with the toxicity levels and then he gets to come home tonight!

What a huge difference. Last night he thought he was in Houston, TX and thought it was the year 2002. He couldn't walk. He was really, really sick.

Can you believe what blue dye and some hydration can do??!

We can't wait to get him home.

Day 5

There is so much to say and explain, but I do not have it in me. Typing it is like reliving it.

I know you need to know how he is doing, so forgive me for not posting a lot of detail, but here is a status update.

Wayne is suffering from neurotoxicity. It is a side effect of Ifex (chemo). He is in the hospital and they are trying to correct it. He hasn't been able to walk, has limited speech capabilities, and has uncontrollable jerks.

Each day he should get a little bit better. Yesterday was his last day of treatment, I we are all hoping and praying that he recovers soon.

It is scary but he is being so brave. He is a fighter and I KNOW he will be okay. The process of getting there is horrific, but if anyone can do this, it is him.

Please keep him in your prayers.

Day 3

Today is a hard day.

Day 2

Day 2 and Wayne is rocking the chemo! He is not having nausea (last time it was severe) and is lucid (again, not so much last time). His spirits are up and his attitude is always positive.
He makes me so proud to be his wife.

Here's what his day is like: Straight away in the morning we head to the hospital to get started. He's hooked up to an IV that drips Ifosamide and Doxorubicin as well as Mesna and Thiamine (to reduce side effects). His treatment lasts 5.5 to 6 hours each day (we were expecting 4 hours) and we watch many cancer patients come and go (Wayne's treatment is by far the longest of anyone else we've seen).

The infusion room is a communal room with big, bright windows. There are comfortable (ish) chairs for the patients to sit in, tv and movie machines to pass the time, and lots of gossip magazines to read. When Wayne is done with hydration and the Ifosamide, he is sent home. He has a port inside of his chest with an IV attached, and the Doxorubicin continuously drips from a portable pump that he carries around. This is what he is holding up in the picture.

When Wayne comes home, he is tired. Yesterday he napped, but today he didn't (wants to watch Family Guy instead). His preference is to sleep on our sofa because it is easier for him to get up from (since his heart surgery). So, last night I joined him on the other sofa, just to make sure he was okay. I was expecting a night of nausea and hallucinations, but instead he slept peacefully without incident. I am so thankful he is feeling better than last time. It truly is amazing how well he is handling these drugs (which are the most aggressive).

Caeden has been very perceptive throughout this process. Today I called him from the hospital and the conversation went like this:

C: Sooo, how is Daddy doing?
Me: He is great. The medicine is doing it's job.
C: Soooo, his medicine is taking out the cancer bugs?
Me: It sure is honey.
C: Is Daddy hurting?
Me: No baby. He is just excited to come home and see you.
C: That is a great idea, Mommy. Bring him home to me because I love him soooooo much.

Well just a quick note to let everyone know the second day is over and so far so good. Val is going to post more including a picture of what chemo looks like (I know everyone wants to know!)

Wayne

Hello Everyone!

Just a quick note tonight as it has been a busy day. The first day of chemo went well and so far so good. I went in this morning and everything is going well. The doc sent Home Health to do a medication changeover tonight and Val learned how to push the medication. She was a pro and even corrected the nurse a time or two! There are some side medications that help counteract the chemo and they get pushed at night (which is why they sent home health).

More of an update tomorrow.

Thank you for all of your well wishes and prayers.

Wayne

We've Got a Plan

I'm staring at 9 Doctor's appointments. That's a lot of data entry into Entourage (Mac version of Outlook).

It starts like this: Monday-Thursday is chemo - 4 hours each day.
Then, blood work, blood work, blood work.

We were thankful that he will be on the mend for the May 16th wedding in South Dakota, but what we didn't realize is that he blood count will be at its lowest that weekend. That means he is very vulnerable to sickness and will be tired. Hopefully he can overcome it to dance the night away with me...? Well, maybe a couple of dances.

This weekend I have to work on getting him to EAT. The next couple of weeks he won't be able to take much more than Ensure shakes, so I'm hoping he can pack it on this weekend to sustain him. I've got a freezer full of ice cream bars and the pizza place on speed dial.

Speaking of food, the ginger steak salad was fantastic! I would say this, though. Double the salad dressing. We were really rationing it out for 4 people, and none of us had enough dressing (which is delicious!) See Wednesday's post for the link to the recipe. It's a keeper.



Have a wonderful weekend!