Real Life.

We've been hunkered down since Claire's arrival. You know how newborns have a way of setting the pace and the schedule for everyone else. "Caeden, we have to wait to play outside until after I feed Claire..." and on schedules: 8 pm bedtime is my version of Heaven.

Well, the other day, I decided enough was enough. I needed some stuff at Nordstroms (funny how you run out of everything at once) and thought we could all benefit from getting out a little bit. Caeden was totally agreeable and even Wayne was excited about doing a bit of shopping. Things were looking up ... until we got there.

I have a peanut shell (sling) that Claire loves to be in, so I tried putting her in it a little too quickly ... her head was stuck and her legs were dangling out. Okay, not right. Let's try this again. Out she comes, in she goes ... this time the wrong way and I am afraid she can't breathe! By this time, I am sweating bullets, she is crying and probably thinking, "what is this crazy woman trying to do to me?!"

I don't have my diaper bag (remember, I walked in feeling super confident that she wouldn't need a thing if she was all snuggled into the sling) so I have no blanket to lay down on the bench while I put her down trying to untangle myself from this $#@! sling. Everyone is staring at me and Claire and I am now totally flustered and not even sure if I am breathing. I kind of remember everything going dark - like tunnel vision.

Wayne and Caeden walk over from the line they were standing in to get a muffin (poor Caeden was so excited to have a muffin - all the boy wanted to do was have a snack) -- and Wayne asked me if everything (meaning ME) was okay?

No.

I just started walking out of the store. Poor Wayne grabbed my purse and Caeden and followed me out. He kept trying to make me feel better - to calm me down - but by the time we reached the SUV, I was crying.

I cried all the way home.

Why? I guess I just don't have a thick skin right now, and when things go wrong, I just fall apart. I thought my hormones were stable by now, and maybe they are, but I am not getting any sleep and I guess I am not doing too well.

The next day Claire never cried - she slept a ton - (compared to the previous day when she didn't feel good and cried all day and all night) - and we went out for dinner without any problems. We hung out outside and enjoyed the cool evening like a normal family and it felt great. I just need to remember not all days are hard.

Not all days are hard!

Sometimes blog entries aren't witty or fun. Sometimes they are gritter than that...please forgive my real life entry - I need to document it so I can look back and laugh when things are rolling smoother.

Until then, I am officially an online shopper. :)