Day 4

Chemo comes in cycles. Wayne's cycles last 3 weeks.

The first 4 days are chemo. I am not going to even talk about the side effects that he is enduring - what I will tell you is that HE IS ENDURING THEM. His spirit is high, his attitude wonderful. He jokes with the (cute) nurses, and listens very carefully to the Docs.

The rest of this week will be spent at home. Soaking in the tub, taking long showers, letting us love on him, and relaxing.

Next week his blood count will be at its lowest - he will be tired for sure.

Week 3 is the final week of cycle 1. He will start feeling really good...and then it will be time for surgery.

Dr. Parker is Wayne's cardio-thoracic surgeon. He is confident that he can take out the tumor that is snaking its way into Wayne's aorta. It's open heart surgery - with about 5 days of recovery time, but the risk sounds minimal. How amazing that we're already looking past it and onto the next step. Funny how we are able to roll with all the major news - open heart surgery? Bring it on.

After Wayne recovers from surgery, it will be time for cycles 2 and 3 of chemo. When that is all done, Wayne will be scanned again; his Doctors are looking for recession of the tumors. We won't know if they have responded to the chemo until then. The waiting is hellacious.

So, tomorrow.

I get to bring him home. The anticipation and joy I feel so acutely will keep me up all night, I am sure. I think Claire would like the company. :)

Soooo looking forward to the sun coming up...

Outside Looking In

Wayne is sleeping ... after going for 2 rounds around the floor (walking as much as possible), he is wiped out. He has had a rough day - really feeling the effects of chemo - and is trying to sleep as much as he can (thank you, Kellie, for that advice).

We are hoping he still gets to come home tomorrow, although, after just talking to his nurse - who hadn't heard that, we aren't sure.

The quiet of the itty bitty closet (his room) is punched with HGTV in the background, the drip, drip, drip of the chemo, and the sound of his bed moving every 30 seconds (which he has gotten used to). He opens his eyes every once in awhile to ask what I am doing, and how I am doing. The question chokes me up because, really, what I am supposed to say? He wants to know that I am okay, but that will only be the case if he is.

Some friends gave him the book, "The Shack." He doesn't have the stamina to even read a magazine, so I have borrowed his book and have started to read (for the first time since having kids, I think!). I haven't gotten that far into it, but so far it is good - it's about the spiritual journey of a man who has gone through (too) much in his life.

Caeden is hanging in there. He was SO excited that his aunt and uncle are here (my brother and his wife). He had school today and was excited to go see the Leprechans. I didn't know about any of that - I didn't even lay out anything green for him to wear - but thankfully I have Melissa to keep me in the loop with his schooling.

I just looked over at Wayne again as he shifts to get comfortable in his bed. He's got a pillow from home and some new pajama pants on. While I have always been protective of him, seeing him in bed brings out the Mama Lion. "Do you need new socks? More water?" My caregiving abilities are hindered to just a few tasks I can do for him, but the love behind them is greater than ever. I have never put on a pair of socks so gingerly or have been so obsessed with making sure he has enough ice water.

It doesn't look like the Doc will be in today, but hopefully we'll have some more news after Tumor Board tomorrow. Wayne has his last dose of chemo tomorrow around 11 am (runs 2 hours) - and then, finally a break.

Thank you all for your support. The kindess coming from everyone has been so appreciated!

Full of Hope,

Val

What a difference a day makes

Now I see what people mean about chemo...I feel great now but this morning was a rough one. I woke up with some nausea and am getting over it now. They put me on some new meds that hopefully will stop it before it happens but wow! :) I guess that means the chemo is working and I am definitely not complaining. I am currently going through day 3 of the first round. It feels great to get this moving. As a far as I know, I am still going home tomorrow evening. I am looking forward to that more than you can imagine.

My sister left for LA last night and my parents just left to run back to South Dakota for a few days. I am not sure how much fun I am right now anyway :) I am just laying around and going for the occasional walk. I promise I will be much more fun at home. :)

Otherwise, not much new news. I am waiting for the second team of docs to come in and tell me what they are thinking for my hip. I will post afterwards on what the plan is. I am hoping to get a schedule or calendar together on how this is all going to happen. As always, I appreciate the emails, calls, prayers and all of the other support that you have shown my family. It means so much to me.

Wayne

First day down!

The first day of chemo is history. I can't tell you it isn't a bit scary watching that kool-aid colored fluid work its way into your body but feels so good to get started. The only real difference I have noticed is that some food has a kind of metallic taste. My friend Jennie, who visited me yesterday, said that what she read in the Livestrong book too. I need to get a copy of that as it is getting REALLY boring watching basic cable all day long :)

I had a really encouraging discussion with the cardiac thoracic surgeon yesterday. He feels pretty good about getting into my chest and removing the tumor that is moving into my heart. He is literally the top cardiac surgeon in the area and has specific experience removing sarcomas. It is open heart surgery (which sounds really scary) but anymore it is a pretty routine surgery. He thoughts the risks were in the 2% range which is good enough for me :) I am hoping to have that done when this initial chemo is finished and my immunity has recovered. His guess was two weeks but hadn't conferred with the oncologist yet. More news on Monday.

Otherwise, just wanted to let everyone know that I feel great and appreciate everything that you have done for my family. It means so much to me that they are being well taken care of so I can fight through this. Thank you so much!

Today is the day

First of all, I wanted to thank everyone for their outpouring of support. This the first time I have blogged on this site and wished it was under different circumstances. I have heard from friends all over country, old friends from high school and colleagues and it has truly touched me. I haven't been able to reach back but I promise to in the weeks to come.

As I write this, I am sitting at my new hospital awaiting my first round of chemotherapy. I should be starting in about two hours (1PM Mountain time). I am so excited to get started and get the treatment underway.

I did get a bit of good news in that they think they may send me home on Tuesday or Wednesday of next week instead of keeping me in the hospital. I am trying not to get my hopes up to high but I would love nothing more to be at home with my wife and kids. That truly has been one of the hardest things about this past week.

I will try and keep everyone updated on how it is going. It doesn't sound like too much will change for the next few days so hopefully will be able to start answering back all of your messages.

Again, thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers. I feel great and am ready to get this going and will need those as we move forward.

Wayne

Change of Plans

Wayne's Oncologist, Dr. Reznick, was in contact with Dr. Patel at MD Anderson this morning. It looks like MDA does not have a clinical trial that fits Wayne. Dr. Patel and Dr. Reznick conferred about Wayne's case and agree that time is of the essence, and that chemo needs to be started right away.

Because MDA does not offer anything that we can't get here, Wayne has decided to stay in Denver. He is being transferred to Presbyterian St. Lukes (PSL) Hospital this afternoon and will be under the care of Dr. Reznick's partner. The Cardio-Thorasic & Oncology Teams at PSL are top-notch and we feel it's the best place for Wayne right now.

Wayne will be treated in-house and will not be coming home for awhile. We are guessing 2 months but we aren't 100% sure. It depends on how he reacts to treatment.

It seems like an eternity since Sunday - everytime I go to sleep I look over at his empty side of the bed and just want to run back to the hospital and climb into bed with him. I smell his shaving cream, touch his clothes hanging in the closet, and trip over his shoes that I refuse to move. I feel anxious when we're not together but know he needs time to himself - to think, to sleep, to read all of your emails ...

So for now, we are all just anxiously awaiting his transfer, loving him, and praying for him.

As always, I will update as I know more. My goal is to do it daily ...

Pictures

I haven't seen Caeden look better than when he crawled into Wayne's bed yesterday. And Claire. Just when you think she is too young to know anything, she wiggled around like a maniac when she saw Wayne yesterday. She wanted nothing else but to be held by him.

The only news I have is that the pathology report has been sent to MD Anderson because there is a disagreement on the diagnosis. Two pathologists were unable to agree on the type of Sarcoma. We are confident MD Anderson will be able to give us a diagnosis.

Waiting for transfer information. Will post when we get some news.

Val

P.S. Anyone have an Apple iPhone? I am getting my email on it, but when I sync it on my desktop (also an Apple), my email does not sync. This is a problem because I am unable to open many of the email messages you have been sending.

Possible Transfer

Wayne has been transferred to a new room. Room number 130 at Parker Adventist Hospital. He can now have visitors with no restrictions. This means the kids. :)

This moment, Caeden is crawling all over Wayne. Asking questions, pushing buttons, and saying over and over, "I sure do miss you!"

The room is already covered in drawings (of cement trucks and volcanos) and I can already see improvement in both Wayne and Caeden.

Here is what is going on:

1. We are moving Wayne to MD Anderson (University of Texas Hospital) Cancer Center ASAP. They have an Adult Sarcoma Cancer Center - just about as specialized as it comes for Wayne. We are so blessed to have collegues and friends who were able to give us a referral to MD and now we are waiting for: 1) The case manager to help us with the transfer 2) Wayne's current Oncologist to evaluate him to see if: a) it is possible for him to fly b) if treatment can be started here and then continued there or if he can just start down there (it would mean getting to Houston tonight or tomorrow - otherwise, chemo will have to start here because he has no time to wait).

Wayne's sister is flying in today, and my brother and sister in law will be here in (Denver) or Houston to help us. Wayne's parents, my mom, dad, sister, and Jordan are all here now helping with the kids, helping with the house, food, with everything. It has been a God send to have everything run as smooth as it has so that Wayne can have constant company.

As soon as I know what direction/location we are headed for, I will let you all know. We are feeling anxious to get started, but hopeful and optomistic that our plan is the right one.

For now, we still ask for your prayers for Wayne's strength, wisdom for his doctors, and for God to hold us all in his hands as we fight this.

Thank you for all of your support. I hear there is a Facebook support group, although I haven't had time to check it out. I think if you search for "Wayne Koop Support Group" or "Kristin Rozier" you'll be able to find it.

Wayne said he was going to blog today, so look for a posting from him - I know you are all anxious to hear from him.

Biopsy

As I type this, Wayne is having a biopsy done on the tumor going in his hip. Radiology was not able to get a good sample from his lungs, so they are sampling the other location now.
This means once we have the new biopsy results, they'll be able to give us a diagnosis. We know it is sarcoma, but not which type. The type of treatment will most likely be high doses of chemo, but until we know which type we are dealing with, they can't start treatment.

One of the largest hurdles is one of the tumors in his heart has grown a "finger" that has entered his pulmonary vein and aorta. The scare is that it may possibly break off and land some where else in the body. This is where the concern is greatest, so if you are praying, please pray for the tumor to respond to the chemo and retract.

Once his cardio problem is under control (or at least stable), they will deal with hip and pulmonary areas (although the chemo will attach all areas anyway).

So, for now, we are waiting on the biopsy. Then the diagnosis will determine treatment. From there we will start treatment and are also looking at second opinions from another Oncologist at Presbyterian St. Lukes hospital.

For now, it is one thing at a time. One moment at a time.

Caeden knows that Daddy is sick. He asks for him all day and first thing in the morning - always asking, "are the germs in daddy's lungs gone yet?" We are trying to be as honest as possible - he knows Wayne is in the hospital - and are trying hard to keep Caeden's routine as normal as possible.

Wayne has been getting your emails and please know each and every word of support means the world to him. He is going to start blogging here, too, so that he can be in touch with everyone.

Thank you for your prayers and kindness. We feel surrounded by love and support. Thank you! We feel you. We feel God.


Val

Cancer.

This word will forever divide our lives into the before and after.

Right now I am not even sure where to start.

He had a cough for months and pain in his hip that we thought was an inflamed broca sack . He went into the hospital for what we thought was pneumonia but soon found out the extent of his illness.

We do not have a diagnosis yet, but oncology has confirmed it is a type of sarcoma and it stage 4. Most likely the cancer started in his hip and has spread to his lungs.

This is the most devastating time in our lives but we are doing our best to take each day one at a time.

I ask all of you to please pray for Wayne.

I will update the blog as I know more.

This Time I Mean It! ...Maybe.

I have been battling a case of mastitis but still slept on Claire's floor last night due to a snoring husband. She got up 4 times in the night, and I actually remember thinking, "I really wish our bedroom was on the same floor as the kids' - this is so nice to be close." Ummm, what would be even better is a baby that sleeps through the night. ;)

So, this morning, bright and early I announce to Wayne that THIS weekend is the weekend I let C-Bear cry it out through the night. I really need some rest. I mean, I have gotten no more than 4 hours of continuous sleep in 9 months. Not to while, but c'mon, don't I deserve to whine a little bit?

To my announcement, Wayne says, "Uh, yeah. I have heard that before." And he is right. I announce my cry it out plan at least once a month. Why can't I do it, you ask? Where is my backbone, you wonder.

The thing is, she snuggles up in the crook of my neck. Her sweet little baby hand rubs my arm when she eats. She just smells good. She turns my willpower into, "please don't let moments like this end." And there I am, getting up again.

Most of the time I function at a reasonable level. You know, the kids are clean and fed, the house is clean. But with this infection I have going on, it highlights how nice rest would be because all I want to do is curl up in bed and sleep/hide/pretend I am not here.

In other news, we're going through an interesting phase with Caeden. He has started the "NO!" back-talk. He stomps. He pouts. Don't get me wrong, he is still the sweetest boy ever, but I am aware those are Mommy-goggles talking. Where is my sweet boy at? With all his attitude and his need to eat continuously, I am starting to wonder if he has rocketed through his pre-school years straight into his teens. A curiously small teen that still needs help getting dressed, that is.

Wayne is gone next week so thank goodness Lindsay and Jordan are staying with us. It makes navigating the evenings so much easier!

What else...?

Oh, the gym. Caeden likes going! And I love going. There is something about someone running beside you on the treadmill that gives you endurance unlike anything else. Up until a few days ago, I would head straight upstairs and do cardio, but Wayne wandered over the indoor pool the other day. I am embarrassed to admit I didn't even know there was an indoor pool (though I knew of the outdoor/waterslide one). Now that I know this, it is time to find a swimming suit that: 1) hides my body (I need to check into whether they allow wet-suits in the pool) 2) cannot be pulled off (like the embarrassing moment I had 2 summers ago in our neighborhood pool), 3) looks stylish (wetsuit in fashion colors, perhaps?).

I'm excited to work on Caeden's swimming lessons together!

Well, that's all that has been going on here.

Last, sorry for such a text-heavy post. I plan on getting my camera out real soon.

Pictures of the Baptism

Rev. Bruce Herrboldt baptized Claire. He is special to us in many ways ... he married Wayne and I, baptized Caeden and Me, spoke at Grandma Goldie's funeral service, and will be marrying Nikki and John. Speaking of John, thank you for getting this shot. It is my favorite!

Claire's baptism was held on Saturday morning. I loved that only family was present, although I know traditionally the church congregation is present on Sunday's, but because we do not go to United Methodist, we didn't feel the need to hold the service for everyone. So, as it was, most of Wayne's side of the family was there: Nikki and John, Mom and Dad, Aunt Marlie and Uncle Jim, Rick and Cassie and the kids ...

We all circled around Claire during the ceremony, which felt intimate and special. We all dipped our fingers into the water that baptized Claire to remember the meaning of our own baptisms and what it means to support Claire through and beyond hers.

Claire Bear before the baptism.


This picture looks blurry but I love it regardless.


Grandpa & Grandma with Claire right after the ceremony. Poor Claire was frazzled from all the water, the singing, and being passed around.

After the service, we went back to Jim and Marlie's for a luncheon - complete with Marlie's special mints, and yummy chocolate cake, and lots of steam burgers and veggies. It was just perfect!

More to come ... still trying to get photos onto my desktop...

P.S. Wanna see what Claire will be wearing soon?

I got a few things, too. :) That dress ...
and these pants. Cute for the grocery store or lounging, huh?

Claire got this shirt with some other pants (huge ruffle at the bottom) ...

This shirt and those green striped pants (again, with ruffle at bottom) ...

This outfit ... (but for next year - didn't come small enough for her now)

This shirt ...
And this dress and pants. Cute huh?!

You can see it all here: Matilda jane.

Okay, and I promise, no more Matilda posts. I am officially done. Until the fall line comes out ...

We're Back

We loaded up the SUV early Friday morning and headed to South Dakota to surprise Mom (Wayne's Mom -- aka Grandma) for her 60th birthday party. We held it at the Chophouse and it was packed full of her friends and family -- and get this -- it was a total surprise. She never had a clue! How often does that happen??

I had to leave a bit early to get Claire to bed, but I heard by the end of the night, Donna was doing shots at the bar. :)

Then, early Saturday morning we went to church and had Claire baptized. It was an intimate, sweet ceremony that I will never forget. Claire looked beautiful. I'll post pictures as soon as I figure out how to transfer them from my laptop to my desktop.

Later that night, we went to Hill City for a lil' dinner at Alpine Inn. I love that place! The menu is just one thing: filet of beef (either small or large size) served with a baked potato, a yummy wedge of lettuce with the BEST ranch dressing on earth, and some toast. Simple, delicious and a total tradition when we go home.

After stuffing ourselves, driving home and putting the kids to bed, we were off again to Rick and Vanessa's house. They just moved into a darling new home complete with a real fireplace and french doors off of their bedroom. Very nice~! We played a game, visited ... and then we got a call that Claire was awake (surprise, surprise) so we had to leave early. It was hard to go - we were having so much fun with everyone. Thanks for having us over Vanessa!

Sunday was lower-key. We sat around a talked a lot about wedding stuff (Wayne's sister, Nik is marrying John in May). That night, everyone went to Deadwood for a bit of fun, but Mom and I stayed home (I was in bed by 8:30).

We left Monday ... leaving both Dave and Donna sick (see my last couple of posts). We just got a call from John - Nikki is sick, too. Apparently my family is not too popular right now.
Feel better soon everyone!

Posting pictures as I can ...

*Hi*

I am happy to report, after a long ol' night, everyone seems to be on the mend. I took TWO naps today, trying to make up for not sleeping for 48 hours. Feeling lazy ... & hopeful that laundry is caught up.

Found a neat little site with lots of birthday ideas: Caeden will be 4 in April & Claire will be 1 in May. Unbelievable!! I want to do something really special for each of them this year, and this website had some neat ideas... Picnic.

Look at this cuuuute birthday hat. You know I have to get one for Claire so I can take her picture in it. :) Found it, where else, but on Etsy.

I am also in love with these flash cards: A Little Hut. For 7.99 you get to download the entire set. Super cute for framing, too. Or print a set out on cardstock and give as a gift (over and over - how savvy are we?!) She has a blog, too. Blog.


Have a good day!

A New Day

The comment on my last post summed up my night. I toggled between Claire and Caeden - washing sheets, scrubbing carpets, hosing down the kids. Wayne was just as sick, and laid in bed half-moaning, half-talking to me. Everyone is still down for the count - napping right now - and while I do laundry and spray everything with Lysol ... I found some time to surf the web ...

Have I ever shared this table set? I want it so badly for Claire. I imagine taking pictures of her with her stuffed animals having tea parties in the middle of a field ... (and not stuck in the corner of her room with crayon marks all over it ;)

Found it here: Table and Chairs.

Next, I have been having so much fun learning photoshop, learning to digitally edit, learning how to take better pictures ... so, I spend most of my blogging time looking at photography sites for eye candy. Have I shared this site before? Peek a Boo. I want to be this woman when I grow up. Have you ever seen such cute props and backdrops for photos? Or such sweet photos?

Then, off to find Claire bear some baby legs. These are a new invention since I had Caeden. They are super cute lil' leg warmers that really add a punch to an outfit. I bought some so that Claire can crawl on the wood floors (since that is most of our house). Found them here.

Kids are up ... duty calls!


P.S. Back on good ol' Pioneer Woman's website for a Caesar salad recipe. Seriously, she has the best recipe commentary ever.

P.P.S. From another blog, I found a link of "tried and true" Cooking Light recipes: Make something new. A lot of them look awesome - if you are anything like me, a new "good!" recipe is always nice. I hate trying something new that no one has tried and it flops. I mean, with the price of groceries these days, who can afford a flop, right?

Is the Workout Worth It?

I took Claire to the gym daycare 2 days ago (something I never did with Caeden - for this exact reason).

Yesterday she was sick all day. Up all night with yucky diapers. Today - more of the same.

And then.

Wayne started feeling bad.

And then Caeden came in from playing outside complaining of a stomach ache. Then he promptly threw-up all over the living room. And then our bedroom. And then again.

So, a house full of sick people for 45 minutes on the treadmill. So not worth it. :(

Can't Imagine His Teen Years

What Caeden ate before 9 am:

1. Pop-tart
2. 4 pieces of toast & jam
3. Big bowl of oatmeal

And then an hour later (so, at 10:30 - still an hour away from lunch)

4. 2 more pieces of toast
5. Crackers and Turkey

He has completely by-passed the 4T size and is into 5T. All his shirt sleeves look like 3/4 length!

Uhhh ... growth spurt, anyone?

Playing Around

Playing with some new actions/frames. This is Claire 2 days old. She never took a binkie, so she must have given it up immediately following this nap...

100

The 100 list

This has been floating around for sometime on line. {Color} means been there/done that.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied- just didnt know it !
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelos David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had Chickenpox
89. Saved someone's life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day