Taking Flight

Wayne is in Houston today. I am home with the kids. Dreaming of having boxes unpacked, the floor mopped, and laundry done.

What we (meaning Caeden) did instead: Jumped on the bed (which I NEVER allow), had eggs for lunch, and is skipping his nap in favor of playing outside.

It makes it easier not to think about chemo next week when there is so much laughing and rule breaking going on.

Here's to better days, Caeden style.

Weekend Update

Mom & Dad got to town Friday night ... hauling a trailer full of our stuff. Two grills, more clothes, Caeden's sandbox ... & tons more.

So we unloaded more boxes. And my house is again full of boxes calling my name.

...But I am pretty good at ignoring them.

Saturday was spent re-arranging the garage, rearranging furniture, hanging shelves, pictures, and my glorious pot rack in the kitchen.

Wayne grilled green chili cheeseburgers ... and everything was going great.

Until.

I backed the truck out of the driveway and smacked our neighbors' car that was parked on the street. I cried most of the night until our neighbor Jody brought over a huge pitcher of margaritas. I drank too many too fast. I quit crying and remember laughing about a "Boobs" joke that Dave made. Except it wasn't a joke, which made it even funnier.

Bless that sweet Jody. She knows just what a girl needs.

I got up at 4 am Sunday morning and began working on {in the moment} photography stuff. My goal was to finish up all my client forms. Really what I was doing was killing time until Paula got to town.

My dear friend Paula and I go back to our high school days. And a bit of college before we both moved on from BHSU. She hasn't changed a bit. Still as beautiful on the inside and out than ever. Love her.

Didn't take a single picture as I was too busy having a car accident, drinking margaritas, unpacking boxes, and catching up with a dear friend.

Wayne is on his way to Houston later tonight for more scans and a meeting with his Oncologist.

Caeden starts school today - most of his class from last year are still there together and I know he's going to love his teachers. One of them is from somewhere like Ireland ... I could listen to her talk all day. I hope he can, too.

Into the Weekend

Sorry for the blog delay. I had a virus on my Mac that google picked up; blocked me from getting online. Anyway, all better.

Vacation -- we are having so much fun researching all of the options that were left in our comment section yesterday. Thank you! We have narrowed it down to:

1. Hawaii
2. Bahamas

The Bahamas have cheap flights (gotta love Frontier) and ocean front homes (important to be RIGHT on the water so that napping children can sleep while we are still on the beach and not locked up in a condo or hotel room).

Hawaii has so much ... like Dan said, tons to do and see. And Caeden is really into volcanos right now, so it would be a blast for him.

Thank you again for all the suggestions!

In other news ... Wayne is feeling better each and every day. He is so excited about going somewhere special and is back to his normal self (energy wise).

Caeden met his new teachers today. He brought them pretty flower sugar cookies from our local bakery and got to see his new classroom.

Claire still has no teeth! Little sweetie is 14 months old and is going to walk before a tooth appears.

I am working like mad on my business. Client forms, marketing efforts, ordering samples, finding a custom framing company ... I am busy and loving it.

Have a wonderful weekend.

A Break.

It sounds like Wayne gets a break after his next round of chemo (next round starts August 17).
A break means, they will leave him be for 2 months. At the 2 month mark, they will re-scan him to see if the tumors have broken through. If there has been no growth, they will give him 2 more months of a break, and re-scan again. This will go on for as long as the tumors do not grow. Once they do, he will start a different protocol. We don't know what it will be, but we do know the harshest is behind us ... just one more round to go.

So, with a "break" hanging over us, we have begun to dream of a vacation. We talk about the ocean - taking the kids and building sand castles ... drinking too many mojitos, playing in the water, and celebrating the fact that he will be able to do these things.

The last time we have taken a vacation was when Caeden was 1 1/2. We went to the Keys with the Havens' (that's the picture above). We were eating breakfast at this great eatery that had chickens running all over the place. Oh, we had fun! But it has been almost 3 years and I tell you this, I will whisk Wayne away this fall, no matter what.

(Wait. We went to Napa with Nik and John awhile back. But the story sounds more dramatic when I leave it out.)

Did you know we are celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary September 24th? Which just happens to be over his break. Beautiful, beautiful timing.

So, back with where to go. I was hoping you guys would have some good ideas. We've been to the Caribbean on a cruise, but never stayed anywhere too long. But it's prime hurricane season.

We've been to Hawaii and loved it, but worry the flight would be too long for the kids.

Any ideas?? Do not shy away. I am SERIOUS about getting something booked.

Reminders.

Claire & Caeden are the reason we keep putting one foot in front of the other. They are our everything.

Claire says "Daddy" all day long. She looks for him when she enters a room, and her body shakes with excitement when she sees him. She still puts her arms out for him to pick her up, although it isn't very often when he can.

Last night the weather was beautiful and all the kids were outside playing. Caeden was digging for a lost treasure in the empty field by our house, and Claire was trying to keep up with her friend Ella, who is walking.

The sun was warm and it felt good to be outside. And then ...

I turned around to see Wayne on the front porch. He was sitting in a chair, with his pajama pants on and a favorite t-shirt that is now 4 sizes too big. He was watching everyone play, but not able to take part. It is hard to get used to. I hate it. He hates it. And I know he thinks about it a lot more than we talk about it.

This morning he goes into the hospital for another blood transfusion. It makes him feel a lot better, and hopefully the rawness in his mouth will go away so he can eat.

Just one of these hardships would be enough to send anyone into a stupor, but it's the kids that always keep him going. Keep me going.

Having a baby say your name all day long is a sweet reminder to stay strong.

Daddy. Daddy. Daddy.

Weekend Update

Swimming pool.

Splashing and laughing and, "Mommy! Look at me!"

Farmer's Market.

Fresh tomatoes, cucumbers still wearing their dirt, peaches straight from the other side of the mountains. Colorado peaches are divine. Claire had one for breakfast and the juice drip, drip, dripped down her arms.

Dinner at Mom & Ken's house.

Fried chicken, coleslaw, mashed potatoes and gravy, & homemade ice cream with chocolate cake.

Enjoying summer. Enjoying every single bit.

Announcing { In the Moment }

Let me introduce my photography business properly...

{In the Moment Photography } (click on name) is officially launched!

I am beyond excited and look forward to updating the gallery as I go. I hope you enjoy looking around as much as I did putting it together.

Val

site address: www.beinthemoment.net

Preview for { C & M }

5 Years together. Paris. A child.
Dreams of mountains. Another child.
Blissful times. Hard times. Prayer.
A no-matter-what kind of love.
Promises all over again.
{ C & M }

Chit Chat

You know how I love a good find. So the other day when we returned from Houston, we came home to a house full of nothing. Every single thing was packed in a box. They were all towered in the garage and in the basement. Really, my house had never looked better.

But I am a minimalist that way.

But still, we had no food. No soap. No nothing.

Or so I thought. Low and behold, my dear friend Jody brought over food for us and it was waiting in the fridge.

And my Mom. My mom had little surprises all over the house for us. Food, drinks, toilet paper, fresh towels in the bathrooms ... and this amazing shower wash. It smells like almonds and is the softest concoction I've ever put on my skin. It's amazing. You need some. You know you do!

And here is the brownie mix I have been grazing on for 2 days. I am sort of a baking snob. I love homemade and shun box mixes. I blame Food Network.

Anyhoo, someone made these eons ago and I had to have the recipe. I was surprised that the recipe is just this lil' box of goodness. Oh, and they are good. These brownies are fudgey and moist and have that perfect crackly top. Are you hungry yet?


In other news, we got another offer on our house. What is with all these people trying to buy our house?! Don't they see all the other houses in our neighborhood for sale? I wish they would take their low ball offers and go bother someone else. Seriously. The offers are just insulting. Or maybe we are just partial to not wanting to lose absolutely everything we've put into our house. It could be that, too.

Regardless, people love our house. They just don't want to pay for it. What are ya gunna do, right? Well, we turned it down (again). Our Realtor has got to be calling us names behind our back. I mean, if I was him, I would. But in any case, until the housing market recovers, selling is not a good idea.

(Don't you just love my gift at stating the obvious?)

Update

Wayne was discharged from the hospital yesterday evening. He has to go back each day to get antibiotics intravenously until his count returns to normal.

I haven't mentioned our change of plans, yet. We are back in Denver. Unpacking (which makes me very crabby!) all the boxes ... of the entire house that I just packed up ...

Wayne's meeting with Dr. Patel was eye-opening. Wayne will remain on Ifosfamide, even after his chemo cocktail changes, because it is the best drug to fight his sarcoma. It is also the same drug that cannot be administered in Rapid City. The back and forth travel from Rapid to Houston has worn Wayne out. It doesn't make any sense for Wayne's sake, or our budget, to stay in Houston when we have a home in Denver that is just down the street from a hospital that can care for Wayne.

So, to recap, he will continue to go to Houston for scans and consults with Dr. Patel, but all treatment will be done here in Denver.

All of this change and stress has me eating lots of brownies. Wayne doesn't eat much and is down 70 pounds. He obviously is leaving the brownie eating to me. Thanks, babe.

Off to unpack. And eat more brownies.

Fever

Just as I thought it was safe to say Wayne was out of the woods, he got a fever last night. He doesn't have any white blood cells, so a fever is a big deal.

We went to the ER last night and they admitted him. They want to keep him for 48 hours until they can identify the cause of his fever.

This, of course, did not sit well with Wayne. He is so tired of hospitals that he gets impatient and a bit grouchy when he realizes that he wasn't going anywhere.

But he does have a flat screen tv to keep him occupied.

I remember talking to a friend when Wayne was first diagnosed. Her husband also has cancer, and she told me that soon enough we would understand that our "new normal" would be drastically different from here on out. Those words are finally sinking in, unfortunately.

Got to take Wayne his laptop this morning, as he has work to do - and his pillow and some new clothes. Hopefully he can come home tomorrow night, but until then, it's hospital food and vital checks to the point of total annoyance. Poor Guy!

But you know, the fact that he is able to complain lets me know he is already starting to feel better...

In and Out of the Dark

We are just going to skip past last week, okay? We don't want to talk about it. But, before you get worried, please know he is doing MUCH better now.

Much.

And we will just leave it at that.

Day 1 Down

Wayne had his blood transfusion and first day of chemo yesterday. We arrived at MDA at 9 am, fought hard for a parking spot, and left at 7 pm. Our car was about the last one in that previous over-packed garage.

The hospital room was nothing like PSL (first hospital in Denver for his chemo). Here he has a large, private room. Extremely clean (sad that I have to say this, but man, we've seen a lot over the past 4 months) and bright. Wonderful nurse named Mou (Moooo) who treated Wayne amazingly well.

Wayne perked up after the transfusion. He felt a TON better and started talking to me and watched a little t.v. Then he slept the day away.

The drip, drip, drip of the chemo being pushed into Wayne is a sound I will never, ever be able to get out of my head.

His sweet bald head was beading with perspiration all day as he lay snuggled under the pre-warmed blankets. Getting him warm is a victory.

This morning I went downstairs to the hotel lobby to get him breakfast. There was a group of high school boys, traveling for some sport or another, and I stuck out like a sore thumb with my Kansas sweatshirt on. I took Wayne oatmeal and came back down to get myself some, and I hear this:

"Dang. She was just here."
And then his friend says:
"I'll tell you one thing, Kansas girls sure can eat!"

So today is starting off good. Wayne has chemo at 1:00 today, it's hot outside, and I really want another cup of coffee but am afraid of running into the food police downstairs.

Wayne says hello!

More later...

Wayne's Appointment w/ Dr. Patel

We got good news today. Wayne's tumors are stable and slightly improving (shrinking). He's responding to the chemo!

He still has not recovered from his last round of chemo and now we know why - his hemoglobin is still very, very low and will have a blood transfusion tomorrow morning WHILE having chemo. It sounds insane, but we are assured it is standard protocol.

Going forward - he will have round #5 of chemo starting tomorrow and lasting through Wednesday morning.

In 3 weeks, he'll do another round and he'll be scanned again (CT, MRI, XRay) to measure the tumors. If his body can take it, they will press on and do up to 8 (so, 3 more MAX). His chemo is hard on his heart and so they will back off if they need to, but will test his body to it's limits to shrink the tumors as much as possible.

At that point, Wayne will get a break for a couple of months to let his body heal and recuperate. After that, more chemo, but probably a different cocktail.

It will be a long road, but the good news is that Wayne is in the BEST hands possible.

Live Strong - This One is for Dan & Michelle

As we sit here waiting for Wayne's CT scan, he gets an email from his friend Dan with the above picture.

Dan describes a program that Lance Armstrong's foundation put together: They have a Robot that writes messages from cancer patients & survivors. The robot puts the messages on the pavement for the bicyclists to read as they ride over each stage.

It is quite possibly the coolest thing I have ever seen...what a gift.

Dan and his wife Michelle sponsored our message, and here we sit, waiting for the scan, fighting back the tears *that are coming anyway* dang good thing I was too lazy to put on mascara this morning.

What an overwhelmingly amazing surprise. Thank you so very much!

And to all of you out there who are patients, survivors, friends & family: Here is the link. There is a neat video that shows you how the Chalk Bot works and how many messages they plan to paint. Just awesome!

Live Strong Chalk Messages

Can I just say it again? We have the most amazing friends and family. The encouragement and support keeps us going. You just have no idea how important you are to us. We love you all so very much. So very much.

Houston

We're here.

Wayne is doing/feeling better, but tomorrow is a full day for him - Blood Draw, MRI, CT, XRays ...

We went to the grocery store and loaded up on water, cheese, grapes, and peaches.

We're watching HGTV and missing our kids.

We're here. Wishing we were there.

{Thank You}

Thank you so much for your overwhelming response! You asked a ton of questions via email so let me address them here.

1. I will have a website up soon. You will find gallery pictures, pricing information, package options, and scheduling information.

2. I specialize in children & families. I do not shoot weddings, engagements, or senior pictures.

3. I LOVE the quality that natural light lends to portraits, so I do not use a flash or shoot in a studio.

4. My style is playful and mismatched. Coordinating outfits are fine, but dress your children in their favorite stuff, and watch how engaged they become! My goal is to draw out their personalities, not forced smiles. {No, "Say Cheese!"}

5. It looks like I will be booking up quickly through the summer months, so please contact me soon if you want to have a session sometime this summer. Hard to do if you don't know my pricing, huh? I'll get the website up soon! But here is a general idea of what to expect:

I charge a session fee of 100.00 for up to 2 children. Add twenty five dollars for each additional child. The fee includes a 1-2 hour session, in the location(s) of your choice, with time for breaks & snacks.

It also includes my wit (which is what you all really want, I know), talent, and a surprise for the kids (and maybe chocolate for Mom!).

It does not include any images. My packages will be listed online.

Thank you for believing in me!

A Picture and an Announcement

Caeden in the Fire Truck at Storybook Island

I am {so excited} to announce the launch my photography business.

Here is what I offer:

Candid, natural light photography. This means early mornings and the golden hours before sunset are best for the pictures you'll adore. The ones you'll covet. The ones that will hang on your walls forever & ever.

I offer funky props. Like rain boots & tutus. Worn out chairs & vintage pull toys.

Or no props. Just fields of wheat, grassy meadows, and sunshine.

Or, maybe you'll want to be at home. Or your favorite park.

You can see your loved ones on canvas, in books, & peeking out of frames.

I am available in the Denver area, Rapid City & surrounding areas, Eastern South Dakota (will schedule within a block of time for multiple sessions) and for a short time, Houston.

If you are interested, please email me privately at valkoop@mac.com.

Tutu Goodness

I cannot find half of what I need when I packed us up for this adventure to South Dakota. Forgot my makeup. All of it. Have no idea where most anything is.

Except for the tutus.

I know where those sweet lil' get ups are at all times. Four different colors.

Is it wrong?

Probably. Especially when you consider I have no idea where the thermometer is. Or the bills. But we'll worry about those things later, yes?



Have a good weekend.

Summer Nights

We wandered downtown last night to enjoy the Thursday night festivities called, "Summer Nights."

Sixth & 7th streets are blocked off, live music is playing, there's food, a beer garden, fun stuff for the kids ... and this amazing graffiti alley to link it all together.


Not the best picture I've ever taken, but considering I was holding Claire, pushing the stroller, AND taking pictures, I'm just glad I got it.



Caeden's tattoo. We have this in common. However, he hasn't noticed that mine doesn't rub off like his does. We'll save that conversation for later.



Pie. Yummy, glorious pie from my friend Vanessa's pie shop. We tried cherry & blueberry cream. Deliciousness on a paper plate.



Funny faces. Claire does this smooched lip face that never fails to draw an audience. Especially me!

We didn't stay late as Wayne and Caeden were tired. I think Claire was up for it, though, cuz' she was dancing to the music and people watching like crazy. Takes after her Mama.



We ended up back at home, sitting outside and watching Caeden drive the riding lawnmower. A perfect Summer Night.

Muffins

Picture Credit: Good ol' Martha

Kim is my friend and neighbor in Colorado. One morning when I was packing up the house and trying to keep two small children entertained at the same, she arrived with fresh from the oven banana chocolate chip muffins. I realize the above picture is for banana-blueberry, but it's whatever floats your boat. The blueberries are looking wonderful right now, anyway.

So anyway, I was totally stressed out, which means I was starving, too. (They seem to go hand in hand with me. Am I alone in this confession?)

Here comes Kim with these warm muffins. I ate two while standing up at the kitchen counter (quite possibly because my kitchen table and chairs were packed - or in another room - or underneath a pile of boxes). Caeden kept telling me thank you (for feeding him something other than dry cheerios). Let's just say these muffins were a big hit.

And the amazing part of this story: they are super healthy. I swear you'd never guess. Do yourself a favor and make some today. The recipe makes 36 muffins, so bring some to work, too.

Kim's Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins

Combine dry ingredients:

1 1/2 C Flour (White Whole Wheat)
1 1/2 C Flour (White Unbleached)
3 tsp. baking soda
1 1/4 C Oat Bran
8 oz. Chocolate Chips (I used the entire bag, but I am wild and crazy that way)

Cream together:
1/2 C. Butter (1 stick)
2 tsp. Almond extract
1 tsp. Vanilla extract
1/2 C Sugar

Add:
10 (that's right, I said 10) smooshed bananas (or just throw them in the mixer like I did)
2 Flax Eggs*

*Flax Eggs are an amazing thing. Mix 2 tsp. flax with 3 TBSP. water and microwave for 40-45 seconds. They turn into the consistency of eggs. All the Omega 3's and no cholesterol. Hardly any calories. I mean, come on, it practically erases the sugar.

Bake in muffin cups at 325 for 20-25 minutes.

P.S.

Here's what I was doing at 10:11 on 7/08/09:

Chasing Caeden around the back yard with my camera yelling, "This is important, Caeden! This is important!" and him grabbing a toy shovel and pointing it at me saying, "Back up, Mom!"

Couldn't tell THAT lil' scenario from this picture, could you??

Deadwood

Here's the view of Deadwood from our balcony at the Mineral Palace. We spent some time out there watching the people walk by and enjoying the warm summer night.

Then we moved inside to our room. Or should I say, suite. OMG. The room was amazing. The bathroom was a bathing mecca. The tub so deep, so big, that if you were a little person, you could swim laps. Alas, I am not, but I did soak. As did Wayne, twice. The shower had one of those cool glass doors that swooshed when you opened/closed it. I had to really give myself a pep talk to emerge from it this morning.

The bed was made with linens that were sooo soft. And an enormous, gigantic t.v. was perfectly centered above the fireplace. We watched something about Michael Jackson, making judgemental comments about Debra Rowe, while we let our dinner settle. I took lots of pictures but they all turned out dark. But trust me, next time you want to celebrate or splurge, book room 341 at the Mineral Palace. You won't be sorry.

3 Card Poker kicked our butts. Things were going just fine until the dealer switch. Rosie did us NO favors. Bring back David. He wasn't much of a talker, but he could sure deal cards!

This morning we drove home, taking in the gorgeous scenery all around us. It is so pretty here. Really, really green. Peaceful. Clean. Relaxing. For the 1,000th time in 24 hours, I wish I had brought my camera. There is only so much an iPhone can excel at, you know?

It was a wonderful night away. Exactly what the Doctor ordered.

A 3 and a 7

Caeden, how old is Daddy today?

A 3 and a 7.

I'll take some fun pictures today and post them ... but this one is a favorite for all time.

The Low Down ....

Going to Armadillos for lunch (Steamburger and a Shake)

Caeden picked out a new blanket for Wayne (who is cold a lot). It's blue and feels so soft. Caeden said (as he was picking it out), "It feels like my Tiny." - which is his security blanket.

Wayne is getting a dock for his phone from me. I always stress over his presents because he is SO HARD to shop for. Have to get it in Denver, though.

Eating Cake. Lots and lots of cake.

Then we're headed to Deadwood. Staying in a hotel and hanging out. Going to dinner, maybe a little 3 card poker ...

That's it - low key and easy.

Happy Birthday Honey!

What will you be doing?

Stole this graphic from here. Not to skip over Wayne's birthday (which is tomorrow, people. But I know you are all good enough and organized enough not to forget anyone's birthday, right?), but how cool is it going to be on the 8th? Take a picture of what you were doing at 10:11 (and 12 seconds if you are into being precise) on Wednesday. Or write a comment and tell me what you were doing. From the comments left, I will choose a random number, and the corresponding response will win a HUGE prize.

*Again, not to skip over, make light of, or indicate in anyway that tomorrow is less important. After all, tomorrow there will be cake!

P.S. Tricia, how in the world do I create my own graphics like this?

P.P.S. There is no huge prize. I'm still living out of boxes, people.

Weekend Update Part 3

Thought the sepia tone of the photo would tone down the striped Christmas p.j.s. Should have known nothing could tone those suckers down.



Hope you had a wonderful weekend with your family. I know we did.



There's the golf cart keys! Should have known it runs in the family ...

Weekend Update Part 2 (Read Part One First)

I knew you wouldn't follow directions, you crazy reader, you. Just another picture of Grandpa taking his life in his own hands.


The sweet goodness we've been eating directly out of the garden.

The garden I should be weeding but am blogging instead.

Weekend Update Part 1

Fireworks were a huge hit this year. Lots of volcanos and rockets to keep Caeden entertained.


See what I mean? Happy as a clam. And yes, I realize my child is either naked or wearing pajamas waaaay too much. I've embraced it.


That one must have gone waaaaaaaaaaaay up in the air.
(Or, it might have been the one that came down and landed on the roof.)



So here are the two peas in a pod. Yes, Caeden is driving the golf cart (but not looking at the road. Small technicality, really.) I'm bracing myself to see him driving Grandpa's pick up before too long.

What She Does

She takes 2 naps.

She crawls as fast as she can to catch the cat. Still trying.

Says: Dada, Mama, Bye Bye, Night Night, Don't, No ... and Grandpa (according to Grandpa).

Loves to crawl under things and get stuck.

Really loves to eat. Right now, Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins are her favorite.

Smells like lavendar and baby drool.

Still doesn't have any teeth.

She snuggles into my neck and lets me rub her back when she is tired or upset.

Goes to sleep in a minute if I tickle her face ... especially her forehead and cheeks.

Laughs at anything Caeden does.

She loves to go for rides with Caeden in his four-wheeler.

Is easy going and rarely fusses.

Seems to love having me home again ...

What He Does

He sprays for weeds using a very potent combination of 1) water & 2) water. Shhh, don't tell.

He follows Grandpa around the farm.

He follows Grandma around the yard.

He plants onions in the garden.

He eats strawberries straight from the garden, pausing only for a second to wipe off the dirt.

He drives his pickup truck and four-wheeler.

He plays in his sandbox.

He asks to go see Mike and Deb ... knowing they will indulge his love affair with their Bobcat (truck, not animal).

He comes inside only to ask for ice water and something to eat.

He takes a bath at night, gets his p.j's on, and then goes back outside to do it all again.

He sleeps so good at night.

He always asks the same question: "Mom, are we going to stay here for a long time?"

And when I tell him yes, he smiles and runs back outside again.

This is what he does.

The Kindness of Others

These are our others. Our dear friends from Parker that we miss so dearly. The ones that live beside us, across from us, just down from us. The ones that saw us through some very dark days. Through some fun, hot summer days. Through normal, "let's walk together and get the mail" days... and all the other days, too.


We had a brown patch in our front yard resulting from a chinch (?) bug outbreak - brought by our old lawn service (I know this because our neighbors used the same service and also got the same bugs as we did). I blasted the darn things with poison before we left, hoping for the best; that our grass would grow back.

Apparently I was being overly optimistic.

So tonight, I got an email from Kasey with these pictures. The lump in my throat is huge, even as I type this. If I had to mutter one word I would probably lose it. I realize how easy it would have been to look at the brown spot and think, "Wow, wait until Val sees this. She needs someone out here to fix it." Or, "Glad that's not my yard." Or whatever. It would have been easy to do absolutely nothing at all. But not these guys.

They cut out the old grass (it was not a small area). They got new sod. Lugged and tugged it into place. Watered it. And still had the energy to smile for a picture.

Not to mention our dear friends who mow our yard and check on our house. Or, yet, the other ones who call, email, and text messages to let us know we haven't been forgotten.

To all of you - we are so blessed. Thank you for your kindness. We feel your love all the way up here.

Thank you.

And when we get back to town (July 19th) - be ready for repayment in the form of margaritas! I don't know what we'd do without you all. See you soon!

XOXO

Did Anyone Make Bets?

I'm back in Rapid. Claire is still sick and I needed to be here to care for her. Being out of town with a husband coming off of chemo and a sick child was a dumb idea. But I had to try.

My employer, Gold Pages Publishing, is still mulling over what to do with their newest employee. Obviously they are dazzled with my amazing talent, so I am hoping they agree to let me start work once Wayne is done with chemo - it coincides with when the Black Hills campaign (the process of advertising happens in cycles) starts this fall. That means I'll be home every night. We'll see what happens. So, if anyone made bets - I officially lasted 1 week and 2 days.

Get this: I've paid for 1 entire month of daycare and the kids used 4 days total. No refunds. Ouch!

Anyway, things should settle down. The kids and I will head to the pool, go to the park, and take care of things around here. Wayne will feel better that I am close enough to handle things - as he said, "now is not the time" - for change. For complications. For hardship.

That means we're simplifying.

Simply holding each other tight and being grateful that we can. Everything else can wait.

Hurt.

As I type this, Wayne is on his way to Rapid. I wish I could see the look on Caeden's face when Wayne walks through the door tonight (Grandma, you have permission to keep him up late if you want!).

Claire was sick this weekend and got worse last night, so Grandma stayed home with the kids today because daycare wasn't an option. I left the house this morning so thankful that Donna is my mother in law, feeling so blessed that she is the kids' Grandma, but at the same time, feeling like a horrible Mom. I feel like I am never around. That when something happens, that I am not able to take care of them. Why is it that when my family needs me the most I am not there? Not in Rapid, not in Houston. Not anywhere they are.

My heart hurts.

I had my first day out in Pierre today. My sales manager rode with me as I got my feet wet. Didn't make any sales, but I am going to be proposing to an attorney's office in town to take either the front cover or the back cover. I aim high! Too bad I scheduled it for the week I will be in Houston with Wayne. Doesn't that just sound like something I would do?!

My head hurts.

Anyway, Pierre is a nice little town. I certainly drove around enough today to see a good portion of it. People are very friendly but walking in to a business to sell them advertising is an art. I have a lot to learn. A lot.

My feet hurt!

Is it just me or are my posts getting more and more depressing?! I promise to lighten up. I'm just not promising when.

Maybe I need to go get a beer.

That couldn't hurt.

Still Here.

This might be the longest break I've taken on the blog. Thanks to your emails, there is no way I could have forgotten to update it. :)

Wayne is on day 5 of chemo in Houston. He is tired but doing well. His dad is with him to remind him to drink lots of water and take care of him. It's comforting to know they're together, but it is difficult to be back here and not with Wayne. None of it feels good, but sometimes what is necessary doesn't always feel good. I keep reminding myself of this. Sometimes multiple times a day.

I started work this week. The office is great! I am traveling to Pierre next week to start selling advertising. I'll be gone M-Wednesday evening - missing Wayne by 1 day. He gets back Monday night, so I think we average almost 2 weeks apart before we see each other (between him being in Houston and my travel schedule). I hate doing the math on that because it makes me so sad.

The kids had their first week of daycare. Caeden has adjusted really well, although the first few days were horrible. He hated it. I hated it. It was just hard. However, it has turned out to be great for him. They keep him busy with activities and lots of kids to play with. Claire is upstairs with the other babies, and I am less thrilled with her arrangement. There are 12 babies and 3 people to care of them - all teenagers. She comes home dirty everyday and it is just so hard to see her not cared for in the manner that she needs. Needless to say, I am looking for somewhere else for her. Daycare - the entire topic has the ability to send my blood pressure through the roof. Sometimes I wonder if it's going to be one of those things that I will ever get used to.

We've been staying with Dave and Donna until our house sells. Donna has been wonderful! The mornings and evenings to so much smoother because of her help. When I fall into bed absolutely exhausted at 9 pm, she still finds the energy to go to the grocery store. Bless her!

Speaking of house, here is our listing: Koop House For Sale. We had it almost sold last weekend but the people who loved it needed 4 bedrooms and so they went with their 2nd choice. Such a bummer!

Off to weed the strawberries. They are starting to ripen! Yummm.

Welcome Home

We've arrived! Yesterday we packed up the UHaul, said our goodbyes, and hit the road.

Wayne and Caeden were in the UHaul. We brought only the neccessities:

1. Every single shoe and handbag I own
2. Caeden's toys - including all the broken ones and the ones missing pieces
3. Wayne's Grill and Green Egg (BBQ all summer long)
4. Kitchen towels and a million clothes hangers

I have no idea where my work clothes are, where the kids' P.J's are, where anything is - really, but of course, I opened that box with kitchen towels straight away.

Yes, so all the neccessities are not really neccessities, but when you have a UHaul to fill up, things find a way inside.

Anyway, back to the road trip. On a not-so-particular stretch of road we came across a TURTLE crossing the hot, busy highway. Poor ol' crabby turtle, it's belly must have been on fire trying to move as fast as possible to avoid traffic traveling at 75 mph.

I watched that poor creature for as long as I could in my rear view mirror before I lost sight of him. I smiled all the rest of the way here because the turtle was a sign.

When Wayne and I were dating we were driving around the countryside somewhere in SD and came across a turtle doing the very same thing as the one from yesterday. I have a soft spot for the ancient creatures, and asked Wayne to please pull over and go help that sweet thing across the road. Without hesitation Wayne screatched to a hault and went to find that turtle. I watched as he tried to avoid getting his finger bit off as he placed in the grass, safely on the other side of the highway.

That's when I knew he was the one.

That crotchety ol' turtle crossing the highway might as well have had a banner tethered to his shell that said "Welcome Home."

Collage

I've seen this collage effect on other blogs and figured out how to do it. It's a free software program called Picasa (from Google). Download it here: Picasa. They have PC and Mac versions.
The program is designed to store and edit your photos, but I like it just for this application.

The other thing I've been trying to do is make my pictures larger. I found a tutorial here: BIG. Doesn't look difficult, however I don't feel like focusing. Got some last minute packing to do before Michelle gets here in the morning to help me stage and clean.

Off to pack up my bathroom - if you were here, you would hear me talking out loud...

"Do I pack the 5 bottles of perfume I haven't worn in years?"
"Does conditioner have a shelf life?"
"If I use cotton balls as packing material, can I reuse them later?"

Best if I packed alone, huh?

Almost. Done.

Let's just clear the air now. My brother in law went and saw my favorite artist of all time (and Claire's, too!). John Mayer. In a super intimate, impromptu setting. He could probably smell JM's sweat (although we know he'd never admit to that). If I was the jealous sort, I'm sure I would have woken up green this morning.

In other news, the packing is just about done. There's clothes, a few kitchen items, and the stereo/tv stuff to pack, and then, that's it. Done. Goodness, How I have waited to type those words.

What's left? Paint touch up, cleaning, and staging. The house will be on the market on Wednesday. We'll be on our way to Rapid on Thursday.

Wayne's blood count is bottoming out. Yesterday he was at .5 (almost zero white blood). Tired but in good spirits. We're trying to avoid crowds and people in hopes to keep him healthy.

Please forgive the blurry picture. Have to rely on my iPhone until I get to Rapid. Oh how I miss my camera. But still. Look at those sweet kids. Caeden is in his underwear, as usual, and Claire is trying to avoid his grip on her. I'm enjoying every last moment with them before the big "Day Care" week starts. Hard to think I'll see them for 1 hour in the morning, and 2 at night when all their lives I've had them to myself. Poor Val, I know. I'm done whining. Just know this: next Monday morning, I will have cried my makeup off before I arrive at work.

And then I will pull myself together and ROCK my new job.

Inspired.

This could describe me. But also, I need another sign that says, "I am totally sick of packing and am ready to sell everything I own so 1) I don't have to pack it 2) I can take Wayne to a tropical island."

Could someone make me a sign that said that, too?

iPhone Pictures ... Don't Judge Me.

Booster Seat. Riveting, isn't it?


Big Girl Car Seat and post-nap hair. AKA Grandpa hair.


The other two were just teasers for what you all really wanted to see. Here he is, in his tanned, bald glory. Looking great, huh?! He's feeling so good, that he's ready to go back to work. I KNOW! Isn't he amazing?

Right Now.

Wayne is feeling good. Took Caeden to summer camp and is going to go clean out the truck.

Claire is squawking in her crib in protest of a nap.

I haven't showered in 2 days and my hair looks like a throw-back of the beehive hair-do era.

I am devouring a still warm from the oven banana-chocolate chip muffin from my sweet neighbor, Kim.

My feet hurt from doing yard work in flip flops. My back hurts from not "lifting with my knees."

This photograph is inspiring to me to recreate with Caeden and Claire (to hang in laundry room of course):

(I cannot remember where I downloaded it from, sorry!)

I love Neutrogena Make Up Remover wipes. My mascara is stubborn and I have been amazed at how it slips right off with these wonder wipes. The bonus is you can fly with them in your carry on bag.

We are STILL trying to figure out if we should sell our house or lease it. Maybe we should take a vote. What do YOU think?

I have packed most everything in the house but still have to pack the basement and garage. Ugh.

I am house hunting in Rapid City and have fallen in love with the West Blvd. District. Found this house yesterday:

Cute #1
-It sits near a busy street so I worry about noise.
- The kitchen needs to be remodeled
-Love the curb appeal, the back yard is fenced, the price point makes remodeling possible

Found this one a couple of weeks ago:

Cute #2
-HUGE closets, original hardwood floors, great curb appeal
-Needs a new roof within 5 years (no leaks or anything, just old), one bathroom upstairs for 3 bedrooms, backyard is small, only 1 car garage.

Okay, break time is over. Back to the grind!

He's Home!

And looking suspiciously tan. I'm wondering if that bald head of his had some pool time.

Wayne looks amazing. He says he feels really good. It's just completely different than how it has been. I am so happy! So relieved. So very, very relieved.

An iPhone picture tomorrow (my camera is in SD) to prove what a looker Wayne is. Seriously, it is just fantastic to have him home. To have him feeling okay.

Let's just hope we can keep his blood count on the rebound! He has appointments all week to keep his blood count in check, and also an appointment coming up with Dr. Parker (his heart surgeon). Then, it's back to Houston on the 22nd for round 4.

Welcome Home Baby.

Tornados

Photo Credit MSNBC.com

(I haven't talked to Wayne yet but will post an update when I hear from him.)

Packing away yesterday, totally unaware of what was going on outside. A mall about 10 minutes from our house is closed due to damage from the tornado (s). I suppose it should have clicked with me when Lindsay text me and said her flight was delayed due to the weather. You can read the story here.

The scary thought? I thought I was really "with it" compared to the day before. :)

Last night me and the kids went over to Melissa and Chris's house for pizza and margaritas. An entire evening of normal. Laughing and catching up was so wonderful. I forget how hunkered down I have been. It was like coming up for air.

Mel has rallied her sweet Mom, Linda, and her friend Laurie to come help me pack Wednesday. Chris has volunteered to take care of the lawn while the house is for sale.

My dear friend Kellie and her husband Dan are headed through Denver on their way to SD and have offered to pick up stuff from the house and bring it up for us (they have a trailer). I had no idea how I was going to get anything but clothes up to Rapid until the "big move."

There are a hundred other acts of kindness and support that have been shown to us. How do I begin to thank you all? I worry that I forgot to send a thank you note, I worry that you don't know how much of a help you really are - how grateful and blessed we feel to have you in our lives. So please forgive me if I haven't been as responsive as I should. But know there is no way we could do it alone.

XOXO

Wayne

Wayne is still doing great. He is on day 4 (total of 6 days this time) and isn't having any of the neuro effects he did before. Dave calls throughout the day to keep me posted on Wayne's progress.

Just wanted to let you all know he's hanging in there!

How It Goes

6 am - kids wake up

6:05 - Caeden asks for breakfast, to which I respond, "We have no milk, bread, or eggs." Caeden says, "Frozen waffle?" Nope. "Toaster Strudel??" Uh...no.

6:15 - We are at the grocery store. Caeden is following behind me, eating a donut straight from the case and still in his pajamas. Claire has hair sticking up all over the place and is also still in jammies. I look horrible, I'm sure, but I never looked in the mirror before we left, so God only knows how bad it really was.

7 am - Back at home, I am feeling like mother of the year because we now have food in the house.

8:30 - Caeden! You have summer camp today!!! (Just remembering). I quickly scramble to get him dressed, put together his snack and bottled water, and found some sunscreen to take along.

8:50 - Arrive at school only to see an empty parking lot. Summer camp was M-Thurs. ... we missed it.

9:00 - Not feeling like mother of the year because now I have a totally upset little boy in the back seat asking me where are all of his friends (That he has missed so much)???

Fast forward to 7:30 pm. The kids are in bed and I got exactly 3 boxes packed today. At this rate I'll be here for another 4 months. Or five.

Hoping to be more "with it" tomorrow. But hey, sometimes that's just how it goes.

In Wayne News:

The past 2 rounds have landed him in the hospital by day 3. He is doing great this time! He isn't nauseous and is cognitively sound. Wonderful, wonderful news. MDA is such a blessing. He's got 3 more days of chemo and will be home (hopefully) on Tuesday.

Love the One You're With ... and the One still in Houston

These two kept each other entertained on our 8+ hour drive home (road construction) today. Caeden makes a lot of ridiculous sounds that get Claire belly laughing - and before I know it, I'm laughing, too.

Our little clan of 3 arrived home to find:

1. Our front lawn looks horrible - HUGE, giant, brown patches of grass ... completely dead. The backyard looks great. Too bad the Realtor won't use a back shot for our for sale flyer.

2. The house smells good. We haven't been home in 2 weeks, but that unique smell hit me when I walked in. It smells like A/C, Downy Fabric Softener, and Summer all rolled into one.

3. A garage full of boxes that my friend Michelle so graciously coordinated for me. Thank You!

4. Leaving is going to be harder than I thought. We drove by the swimming pool and I saw lots of kids splashing with abandon in the pool. I was really looking forward to spending lots of hot, lazy days at the pool with the kids...so Caeden could practice swimming and Claire could look adorable with her belly sticking out over her red polka dot bikini.

5. All my lilies are blooming. Bright yellow and glorious pink petals greeted us from the front porch.

Wayne is doing great. He is still eating and not feeling "off." Dave is taking wonderful care of him, and I hope he knows that me and Donna (his Mom) are loving him tonight. The kind of loving that only a Mom and a Wife know how to do long distance. It's the kind of love where you think of them constantly, wondering if he's cold. Wondering if he is tired. Wondering if something is wrong but if he's too afraid to complain. Wondering if he has a warm blanket. If he'll sleep good tonight.

Donna will probably pick up a lone sock of his, and place it in his room. I'll stare at his side of the bed until my eyelids become too heavy and finally close.

Loving you from afar tonight, baby.

Sometimes there are no words ...

to describe a feeling.

I miss my children and want to see them ASAP. But when I am with them, I will be missing Wayne terribly.

I'll be in a state of ... refer to above photo ... until Wayne is through with chemo and with us again. I'm on an airplane this afternoon and headed back to Rapid and then driving down to Denver tomorrow with the kids. Wayne will be starting chemo as I pull into Denver. He'll be going through 5 days and nights of chemo (some of it is 24 hour continuous infusion) as I pack up the house.

He'll be in Houston with his dad. I'll be in Denver with the kids.

There are no words.

What He's Doing Today

We sit in the nuclear waiting room at 6:30 waiting for another day to begin. This morning he gets a new catheter inserted below his clavicle. Through this line, his chemo will be administered. It's a little early for such seriousness, don't you think?

Today at a Glance

There are fountains. There are trees. Flowers. And Technology.

The building we are in right now is sunny, clean, and full of color. I look around at each person - knowing that we are all on similar journeys - either as the caregiver or the patient, and one thing is for sure - we're in the right place.