{ In the Moment } a blog by Valerie Koop

Change CAN be Good.

2010-09-07T08:16:00.001-06:00

http://www.beinthemomentphoto.com/blog/

It drives me crazy when things change that force me to accommodate ...

Like when people change their cell number or email or whatever.

Not a fan of having up update my contacts.

So, I totally understand why this link at the top of the page is annoying.

The only reason I am changing locations is because the picture quality is SO much better.

And pretty pictures are important to a girl like me.

A photographer like me.

So please take a second to bookmark the new site.

It's where you will find me.

And I promise to make the change worth it.

Thank you for continuing to follow my story. Our stories.

Of life attempted.

xoxo.

valerie

(bottom photo: why... something blue, of course)

{ Labor Day Weekend }

2010-09-03T20:05:00.002-06:00

Packing up the SUV with ...

Two kids.

Their toys, movies, blankets and pillows. Snacks, drinks, clothes and ....

Me.

My camera, iPod full of new playlists, and some coffee.

Through the mountains we go.

To visit my dear friend and her family.

We will ...

Visit peach orchards.

Take lots of pictures.

Talk. A lot.

Eat yummy food.

Check our email on our iPhones when we think the other isn't looking.

Photoshop our newly taken pictures into the wee hours of the morning.

Drink coffee.

Do it all again the next day.

Oh, and the kids.

Probably hang with them a little bit, too. ;)

Wayne.

has the house to himself.
Can walk. Feels really good.

Has something planned with his friends every single day.

Can't wait for me to leave.

Talk to you all Tuesday...

XOXO.

Me.

P.S. Be gentle ... it is still a work in progress ...
but I have a new blog (and new website shortly).
You can take a peek here:

In the Moment Photo Blog

Putting Something In the Cookie Jar | High Altitude Chocolate Chip, Oatmeal & Pecan Cookies

2010-09-02T13:49:00.002-06:00

Last night Jami (get a blog so I can link you, girl!) and I went to the

John Mayer concert at Red Rocks.

We drove a (generously borrowed) Mercedes S 53 (some sort of number)? AMG.

Jami rocked it.

We had chips and salsa and salad for dinner.

Did some shopping at Nordstrom.

Did a whole lot of talking.

And singing. Lots of that, too.

Sigh. I have a serious crush on Johnny.

But, back to Jami, more than once I wondered where she had been all this time (we went to High School together and never knew each other) and how I couldn't wait to make all that time irrelevant by being the best sort of friend I could be now. She is that great.

So, while talking non-stop, we got on the subject of wholesome living/cooking. You know, being active. Being present. Being a better homemaker. Better mother. Better, better, better.

Plain and simple. She makes me want to be better. Be honest. Simplify.

Don't you love people who push and inspire you in that way??

So, this girl has her own chickens for eggs

(we do too, they just live with Dave and Donna ... haha),

bakes her own bread, doesn't eat fast food and avoids processed food as much as possible.

Soul sisters, we are.

Anyway. Inspired, this morning if you looked around my house there is no mistaking.

I cleaned out all the crap food in the house. Have bread rising on the counter. Made homemade cookies with wheat flour, flax seed, and lots of stirring from my two children.

I played house. Played on the floor. Need to be better about that. Need to be present.

I feel like a fog as lifted and so with that said ... a recipe. For you. For hanging in there with me as I have struggled. Thank you.

These turned out soft, chewy and NOT greasy (often happens here in Colorado). Seriously the best cookies I have made to date.

{ Chocolate Chip, Oat & Pecan Cookies }

1/2 lb. unsalted butter, softened

1/2 C. sugar

1 C. brown sugar

1 tsp. salt

1 tsp. baking soda

2 eggs

1 tsp. vanilla (I tend to use a tad more)

2 c. flour (I used whole wheat)

Flax Seed (I just dump it in - also good in yogurt, fyi)

2 c. old fashioned oats (not instant)

2 c. mini chocolate chips

2 c. pecans, chopped (or walnuts would be good, too)

Preheat Oven to 375.

Cream butter and sugars for 5 minutes (yes, it's a long time - use a stand mixer)

Add salt and baking soda.

Add eggs one at a time.

Add vanilla.

Mix in flour at low speed (do NOT over mix)

Add flax, oats, chocolate chips and nuts (do not over mix...)

Using a 1/4 c. measuring cup, pack dough into cup and place on cookie sheet

(you all have a silpat pad, right? If not, talk to me ... best ever)

Bake 11-12 minutes.

Soft. Yummy. Perfect.

And yes, that's my cookie jar in the picture. :)

Kalinowski Fellas | Denver Colorado Wedding Photographer

2010-09-02T10:20:00.000-06:00

After the necklace ... time for hair.

Meanwhile, I snuck out to check on the fellas ...

Two of Jordan's brothers ... James and Issac rocking the bow ties.

Jordan getting ready ... and behind me as I shot this, Josh saying, "Kalinowski hair!"

Seriously.

Shoes on. I'd say he was ready.

And so was everyone else ...

And Jordan. Again. Rocking it. Loved the blue, khaki and green combo. Great style, this guy.

Let's Start Here | Kalinowski Wedding | Denver Wedding Photographer | Colorado Wedding and Engagement Photographer |

2010-09-01T14:51:00.000-06:00

From the beginning ...

Friday was filled with all things girlie. Pedicures and manicures. Breakfast at Snooze. Mimosas. Last minute bonding at Lindsay's house ...

Then there was the rehearsal but I didn't take pictures. Friend me on facebook for all sorts of pictures from other people, like the amazing Kelly K!

So, friday night Linz and I stayed at a hotel. We chilled together, bonding while we both were glued to our iPhones (ha).

In the morning we woke up and it all began ...

While Lindsay was getting ready in the hotel room, a gift arrived from Jordan...

He said (about picking something out for her), "She is easy ... she is classic. Pearls. It was obvious."

J, you knocked her off her feet. She LOVED them. Didn't even have words. Love that.

Perfect, huh?

The story continues tomorrow ...

Today Was A Fairytale ...

2010-08-31T12:52:00.000-06:00

To be so in love with someone that it radiates as far as the eye can see.

And as far as the heart can reach.

To be so in love that sparkling eyes and smiles and tears of happiness are side effects.

To be so in love.

To be so sure.

To be complete and whole and new all at once.

To share this with Lindsay & Jordan made me cry most of the day and night. I am sentimental, you know.

Lindsay was all grace and beauty.

And sure. And ready.

Jordan was overwhelmed with emotion when he saw her walk down the aisle.

Jordan.

Confident. In love. Ready.

And when they exited the alter, a choir sang, "Best of my Love"

and we all sang along.

And so did our family. Our new, even bigger & better family.

And together we all danced the night away.

Laughed it away.

Sang it away.

But we will never wish it away because

Today (8/28/2010) was a Fairytale.

{ Can't wait for them to come back so I can show them all their pictures ... }

(so I can show you, too!)

Just the Future.

2010-08-26T22:04:00.002-06:00

Just Today.

2010-08-26T15:26:00.000-06:00

I suspect Wayne's lack of movement and walking has more to do with his love of being waited on hand and foot (that would be by me) than any sort of complication with surgery.

Well, maybe not. But I know he still loves it.

Here's another one who loves it.

"MOM! Mooooooom. Mom!"

But she has everyone fooled with those blue eyes of hers, doesn't she?

Works on me every time.

In all seriousness ...

Wayne spiked a fever last night and had us both worried. Fed him some Leviquin and this morning he was better. He isn't walking more than a couple of steps.

He isn't eating much and is getting thinner by the day.

I am eating almonds by the handful and gulping diet pepsi by the case.

More tomorrow ... lots going on. Lots to tell you. To show you.

XOXO.

Little Man Ice Cream | Denver Colorado Photographer | Children's Colorado Photographer |

2010-08-25T09:27:00.000-06:00

I wanted to save these for my new blog (the image quality is SO much better) but it's taking me much longer than I had hoped to get it up and running. So, here you go.

Little Man Ice Cream is a Denver institution. Always the best, seasonal flavors. Always a line. Always sit outside. Always takes the edge off a bad day when you can be silly and sweet and sticky with your kids.

Update on Wayne

2010-08-24T11:05:00.001-06:00

Wayne is home! Feeling worse than before he went in, but surgery has a way of doing that to a person...

His Radiologist was able to remove most of the clot using a very cool procedure. Basically, he isolated the chemical that dissolves the clot by ballooning both ends - and then sectioning off his clot in three parts to suction it out.

He ran into some resistance the closer he got to Wayne's pelvic region. It appears Wayne's tumor is pressing on the vein, causing it to close (and then clot). So, he inserted a stint to help the veins' wall stay open. Blood flow opened up immediately.

We will know by tomorrow night how much this is going to help Wayne. He is not walking much (but tries) and is in some pain.

We are glad he is home and is able to rest here instead of in ICU. Huge difference.

I mean, the hospital doesn't have Bunny. SHE has magical healing powers ...

Treading Water

2010-08-19T14:05:00.002-06:00

I have been trying to get my new blog finished up but I am, apparently, highly inefficient and still not done with it.

I want to post session pictures on the new blog so for now, you must settle for more personal, family stuff here, okay?

I look at this girl, with her disheveled hair that she won't let me fix, her eyes that tell me she is up on to something, and that look that tells me she knows better ... and a quote I just came across in Real Simple magazine struck a cord ...

"My Mother had a good deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it."

Mark Twain, Chapters From My Autobiography

So.

Today I am treading water. Cleaning. Laundry. Thinking about cooking.

But my children have other ideas. Like eating. Wanting to play. Have attention be bestowed upon them. The nerve, right?

Wayne is hanging in there. It is very difficult for him to walk and to get around (the stairs are impossible) but he did manage to get some fresh air today and meet Randy for lunch.

He is working a ton. Most of the day. And night. It's nice to see. Gives me peace of mind that his "chemo fog" has lifted from his brain.

He needs lots of rest. And I do what I can to make sure he is comfortable (and has water, which is his favorite thing) but it pains me to look at him. So, so thin. I hope this break allows for some weight gain. I don't think I have seen him this thin - not even in High School.

And when people, who only have the best intentions, ask me how he is, or how I am ...

I just want to cry.

How do you THINK it is going?!

And I am very aware this attitude of mine needs adjusting. I am aware that I get mad.

I am aware and am not lost in lala land, okay?

So if I offend you or do not respond at all, please know it is not you. It's me.

Sometimes I just need some space. And sometimes all I want to do is vent here.

So I do.

And then get sensitive about it.

Nice and complicated, I know. Might make you want to stay away?

Everyday we wake up in the same loop. Same cancer. Same news. Same Wayne who can't do much but lay down. Same Val that tries to keep it together but is so tired and whiny that she can't even stand to listen to herself.

Same Caeden ... that repeats two things:

1. Any physical complaint Wayne has, Caeden has. If Wayne says, "My leg hurts," Caeden will say the same thing all day.

Yesterday we were at Costco and he told me he couldn't walk because of a blood clot.

I stopped dead in my tracks, turned around in the parking lot to look at him, and said,

"You do not have cancer. Stop it."

He could tell I was just about to either cry or freak out,

so he just nodded and started to walk.

2. (The other thing he repeats is "shit," which I stopped saying, thank you very much.)

Think we all are doing our best to tread water and ...

I need to remember I am not the only one I need to save from drowning.

So if you want to know how it is going ... there you go.

The Why is Simple.

2010-08-18T08:00:00.002-06:00

He who has a why to live can bear almost any how. ... Nietzsche

At First Sight ... | Denver Family Photographer | Denver Children's Photographer | Candid Beautiful Fresh Photography | Parker Colorado Photographer

2010-08-16T09:14:00.000-06:00

Last night, you could have found me here... Engaged with a sweet baby girl who loves everything girlie. Sparkly bracelets, cupcakes ... and mostly

... just as it should be ... her Mommy and Daddy.

I must have told them a thousand times what a pleasure it was to photograph such pretty subjects. They rocked the camera and I have a ton of images to prove it...and the sneak peek is ... well, just a peek.

This gorgeous family traveled from Wyoming to have me shoot their session and I am always so blown away when that happens. Feel so privileged and lucky.

So.

As we were shooting and getting to know each other, I asked how they met.

Her: At a BBQ. He fell in love with me immediately. Love at first site.

Him: It totally was.

Oh my gosh. All that playfulness and love translated into the camera like nobody's business.

And their little girl? Could not be any more sweet.

Literally. ;)

Thank you, you beautiful, stylish, rockin family ...

For letting me capture your family. As you are. Right now.

At first sight.

For The Weekend.

2010-08-13T17:37:00.001-06:00

Saturday mornings at our house mean going to the grocery store in p.j.'s (well, the kids at least ...) for donuts. (Or Snooze for breakfast when we are up early enough to beat the crowd.)

It means lots of coffee and a lazy morning of "what should we do today?" talk.

For us, tomorrow means the swimming pool. Grilling (spicy steak sandwiches with homemade BBQ sauce and corn on the cob)... Linz's bachelorette party tomorrow night...(and me constantly on B&H's website looking at the 85L lens ... ha)

Sunday is Church. Farmer's Market. A nap. And then a photo shoot with a sweet family traveling all the way from Wyoming. So excited.

Wayne is in bed most of the time - or sitting in a chair with his leg elevated. The clot makes it nearly impossible for him to get around. If it isn't better by next week, it sounds like he will go to the hospital to have the clot broken up and his leg drained. Should help so much.

So. That's where we're at.

XO.

Val

AND. I am back.

2010-08-13T08:47:00.001-06:00

Let's move on from the complete and utter "tell it all" post of yesterday. Vulnerable. Raw. And moving on.

Wayne is home. Working. Leg elevated.

I am busy drinking coffee, reading books to Claire, and reminding Caeden to not yell in the house. I suspect Caeden is deaf. Ha. How did I end up with two LOUD kids when I am so noise adverse? Is that just the way it happens?

I like the idea of decorating the entry way (from our garage) with the kids' artwork.

Photo from Odeedoh.

And a little wagon filled with books. Oh my gosh. So am doing this as my bookcase is a complete disaster and needs a little cuteness. Idea and Photo Credit Here.

And this picture. Sigh. It speaks to me. Love the composition. The lighting. The kiss. The way he is grabbing her face. I hope you all have someone to do this with ...

Photo via Style Me Pretty.

A couple of books for Caeden. A surprise that will come in the mail with his name on it. Something we can do for quality time. Reading is so important at our house.

Found at Amazon, of course.

Into the weekend we go ...

Mesenchymal Condrosarcoma | Wayne Koop | MD Anderson

2010-08-12T19:07:00.002-06:00

There are a lot of people who have been waiting for news about Wayne today.

I ignored each and every text, email, and phone call. I didn't know what to say ... or how to say it.

I walked around in a daze all morning. Waiting to hear from Wayne. Hoping the brutal chemo protocol worked. That it was worth the hospitalizations. The massive blood clot. The surgery. The crazy weight loss. The worry, the stress, the complete chaos of it all...

... Of Wayne feeling sick and tired and horrible every single day.

The scans showed tumor growth in some areas. There has been no reduction. This protocol did not work but may have decreased the amount the tumors could have grown, but we don't know. He is done with it, though.

His Oncologist, Dr. Patel, is putting Wayne back on break for two months. His body needs it; his spirit needs it just as badly.

And, after two months have passed, Wayne will be rescanned to see what has happened while on break. Most likely, the chemo break will last though the holidays as there is no sense going into the holidays on some sort of experimental cocktail (not knowing how he will react or be able to function) if he is doing well enough to just enjoy feeling okay. To enjoy the kids.

This was the news today.

I suck. I cried when I got his text message with the results.

I cried when I finally talked to him on the phone.

I cried after the call, too -- sliding to the floor in my kitchen, sobbing because I couldn't hold it in. I lost it in front of the kids. And poor Caeden, completely freaked out, kept rubbing my back asking me to stop crying. I told him I hurt my foot so that he would understand why I was on the floor. So he grabbed band aids and started putting them all over my leg. "Please stop crying, Mommy...."

I stared at the wall most of the day. Relieved when I could take Caeden to school so I could come home and busy myself with sitting and doing nothing.

Oh, and I went and got groceries, only to come home and forget I had gotten them. Walked right into the house, putting Claire down for a nap, and just sort of zoned out ...

It was in the mid-80's today and let me tell you, the milk, yogurt, frozen food, etc. did not make it after sitting in the back of my SUV all day. I never did go get more.

I know he reads the blog and I hesitate to tell it all like this, because he is so strong and positive, and to tell you that I fell apart makes me weak and stupid and such a victim, which I loathe. I know I need to rise to the occasion (like I did last year) but I ... just don't want to. Or can't. Or am fine being just "good enough." Not sure how to undo this. Do I have the energy? The drive? How much of this do we have to take? To live through? Day after day after day after day? I am tired, to be honest.

Where is the good news?!

Looking forward, Wayne will start getting stronger as the chemo wears off. He will start eating better, and hopefully, be able to walk better (clot has stopped him in his tracks).

I would like to plan a family vacation to California. To see Nikki and John. To take the kids to Disneyland, build sand castles on the beach, and maybe ... get our pictures taken by Tara Whitney...?

Or maybe just go to KC and take in a football game. Tailgate. Laugh with old friends. See new babies that have been born since we left...

Or stay close to home but do things we haven't ... Estes Park, Beaver Creek, etc. Take lots of pictures in the mountains ...

Or.

I don't know. Whatever he can do.

So there it is.

Don't take it personal when I don't respond to you. Just please know we appreciate your love and support and DO feel blessed to have you all in our lives. Please just overlook the mild breakdown. I am sure I will feel better when I can see his face and talk to him in person.

Just trying to figure out how to pull it all together. I have 2 hours before he gets home. I better try harder.

In my place - a cake. Mixed, poured and decorated by Caeden Koop (frosting was a compromise between Caeden and Claire. Caeden = pink. Claire = chocolate ... ha).

Something that says welcome home ...

When Someone Really Knows You ...

2010-08-12T07:44:00.002-06:00

They send you emails like this:

Tiny Seed.

2010-08-11T14:38:00.000-06:00

Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Claire who loved her bunny.

Who loved books.

And this one, The Tiny Seed, is one of her favorites.

If Claire couldn't take a book everywhere she went, she would be one unhappy girl. Who would yell a lot (trust me on this). And loud. The girl can yell loud.

So the story goes ...

A field. A book. A brother. A bunny.

And a Mommy who loves them all very much.

Especially when they do things like this without being asked. Oh how their Mommy adores them.

Claire loves to read out loud. She reads to the bunny. She reads to her Mommy. To herself.

Here, Claire read the words ... "Flower. Is that a man? Is that a girl?"

And her brother was busy looking for bugs and playing airplane in the field. Not caring about the bunny or the book or his sister and her adorable take on the story. Bugs ...

So Claire, wanting to find bugs as well, finished her story, licked her bunny, and stood up.

And started to yell.

ALL DONE MOMMY. ALLLLLLLL DONE.

The End ...

To Sing.

2010-08-09T21:49:00.000-06:00

I was hired to shoot this beautiful family because they are going to be gracing the cover of a business magazine.

I did what I needed to do - getting shots that the editor wanted (certain vertical shots, plenty of white space, etc.)

and then I did what I wanted to do ...

Like loving on this little guy. Playing games, getting him to trust me and come closer ... and give me drool-worthy expressions that capture everything about being two.

Like teething.

And learning all about what it means to have a collection. A passion. A love of legos. This particular figure is his favorite. He tucked it into his pocket before we left the house because I told him I wanted to hear all about it. And he told me.

And I adore him for it.

And while these shots make my heart sing, I know they are not going to make the magazine cover (not vertical, for starters). I don't care.

(The ones that will are saved for the editor.)

Sometimes you have to create happiness in situations that could go either way.

I choose to sing.

And.

I think they do, too.

P.S. {A Couple of Recipes}

2010-08-07T11:43:00.003-06:00

***

Peach and Blueberry Crisp

Last night I made a Peach and Blueberry Crisp.

Yum, people. Yum.

10 peaches, peeled and sliced into wedges

2 Pints of Blueberries (I always add more. Love.)

1/4 C. Sugar

1/4 C. Brown Sugar

Squeeze of a lemon or an orange

2 TBSP. Flour

Mix all together and dump into buttered baking dish.

Top with crushed almond cookies (and chopped almonds if you like crunch).

Bake 350 for 1 hour.

Easy. Yummy. Everyone will love you.

And don't you deserve to be adored?

Of course you do.

Firsts.

2010-08-07T08:07:00.001-06:00

Me: Caeden, kindergarten is a long word. Do you want me to write it?

Caeden: Of course not. Where is the chalk?

5 or 6 letters in ...

Caeden: Mom, this word never ends. I need to stop.

Me: You can stop if I can take your picture (haha).

Goofing around, although this picture looks pretty serious. There were numerous outtakes of the apple falling off. So cute and fun.

Everyone in Caeden's entire school wore the same t-shirt on the first day. I love the idea of that - I know it must have made the kids feel like they were not so different from each other ... and that they were all in this together.

His first day was really good. He was excited and ready. I didn't cry (another first - ha).

I asked him what his favorite part of his day was.

Caeden: Talking to Ms. Marchese (his new teacher - she is an absolute doll).

***

Wayne is home. Dave and Donna are leaving this morning. I need to step up and find a routine for all of us that makes sense so that everyone gets what they need. This morning when Claire woke up, she wouldn't even come to me. Wanted to snuggle with Grandma only. It's a sign that I need to spend more time with her (and Caeden).

But, today is a new day.

Swimming pool, maybe some picture taking...

And if I can get the kids to laugh, and Wayne to have what he needs ... well ... I know we are all on our way to better days.

The Glue.

2010-08-05T09:01:00.001-06:00

Wayne ...

Bribes the nurses with cookies that Lindsay and Jordan brought him.

Told me his pillow gets him through. Small comforts of home become big comforts, you know?

Is out of ICU and in a normal room.

Will be home Friday or Saturday.

Is feeling much better.

Ate a baked potato yesterday (was the first real thing in 5 days).

Will see Caeden today. I am taking him to the hospital after we go to school to meet his teacher, get pictures taken, and drop of his school supplies

Caeden ..

Starts school tomorrow.

I asked him what he wanted his teacher to know about him, and he said:

1. I love garbage trucks.

2. I play with my sister.

3. I want to learn about rockets.

4. My favorite color is blue.

Claire ...

Is Claire. Stubborn. Loves the word "no." And shoes still are her world.

We ...

Have the best, most amazing friends and family. Dave and Donna have helped us SO MUCH. Absolutely incredible. So blessed to have them. I thank God each and every day for how they glue our family together.

Because, lately, it takes a lot of glue.

Text.

2010-08-04T07:41:00.001-06:00

I woke up to this text from Wayne this morning:

"The first Doctor I see is going to get an earful on transfering me out of ICU and into a normal hospital room."

(Sarcasm can only mean he is feeling better.)

Heading off to hospital this morning to join Dave. 

Donna is holding down the fort with the kids. Not quite sure what I do without my in-laws.

So thankful I don't have to find out.

Update on Wayne.

2010-08-03T22:51:00.000-06:00

Admitted into ICU for blood transfusion(s).

Has a blood clot that reaches from knee to pelvis.

Had surgery to insert filter as to catch pieces of clot as he is unable to be on blood thinners because of his low counts.

Will be out of ICU tomorrow.

Back up to normal hospital room - which is where he will stay until his release Thursday or Friday.

Will be on chemo break but won't know to what extent until his trip to Houston next week.

Wayne.

2010-08-02T22:22:00.001-06:00

Wayne ...

Had a rough weekend. Stayed in bed and felt miserable.

Wouldn't eat.

Couldn't hold much down when he tried to eat (if he could have said, "I told you so...")

Pain in his leg.

And this morning.

Couldn't walk.

Had to see a Doctor.

But to get there ...

Had to rest each time he put on an item of clothing.

Shirt on. Lay down and rest.

Jeans on. Lay down and rest.

Help getting shoes on.

Wayne ...

Was admitted into the hospital where they found a blood clot that spans from his knee to his pelvis.

He will be there for 5 days ... until they get him eating and hydrated and get the blood thinners to do their thing.

It will take 9-12 months for clot to disappear.

Wayne has ...

Incredible parents.

Two children who ask for him. Miss him.

A wife that wishes more than anything that this wasn't happening.

Two blankets and two pillows from home.

Amazing friends.

Wayne will ...

Sleep as much as he can.

Have someone with him in his room. Even if it is sitting in silence and watching him sleep.

Have me to ask him to eat. To get him ice water. Worry. Worry. Worry.

Wayne could use ...

Prayers.

Words of encouragement.

Your love.

If I had a Penny ...

2010-07-30T09:32:00.001-06:00

Thinking about ...

By Monday I should have a new blog. Nothing wrong with reinventing yourself, right?

Shooting a wedding in Napa. Haven't even said yes but already sketching a storyboard ... I think that means yes.

My first baseball game tonight (Rockies vs. Cubs)

My golden retriever, Lucy, will be here this weekend. Can't wait to walk her and pet her and and tell her how sweet and pretty she is.

Wayne comes home today. He has been in Seattle all week for work (and also chemo).

Making a blueberry crumb cake with Caeden. Recipe here. We're on a roll.

(I torture myself as I took the "eat 1,000 calories" to heart and am living off of coffee.)

Made strawberry jam late last night. Pearly pink jars of goodness are in the fridge and in the freezer.

Thinking ...

How next week is Caeden's last of summer. And maybe it's time to unplug and lay in the grass, get wet in the hose, eat ice cream every day, and love on him until he tells me no more.

I don't think he will say that, though ...

The Little Things.

2010-07-29T19:27:00.000-06:00

I had no idea I could share music (from iTunes library) on my desktop to laptop.

It's the little things, people.

Well Hello.

2010-07-29T12:51:00.000-06:00

How about a list and some family pictures to break it all up?

1. Short attention span these days.

2. Made a cake for the garbage men (Caeden's idea). He just glowed when the truck pulled up and the men took the cake. So proud of him for being kind to others.

3. Still nursing running injury and I miss running dearly.

4. Talked to trainer at gym to whip me into shape (in 4 weeks) for Lindsay's wedding. Was told to eat 1,000 calories, cardio for 1 hour every day, weight training 3 times a week (with a female trainer and not a man because they are too soft! LOL)

5. Didn't sign up but did head to Chick fil A for dinner straight away afterward (kids) haha.

6. Claire has us all running scared as she is teething and bites everything in sight.

7. Wayne has 1 more day of chemo.

8. Caeden starts Kindergarten next week.

9. I am shooting the cover of a business magazine!

10. Addicted to blueberries.

11. It's peach season in Colorado. Headed to fruit stand on main street to get more. Making jam. 

This time I am telling the truth.

13. Have a dear friend on the other side of the state that I cannot wait to see. Going to try and go alone. Publicly stating/pondering that thought increases my chances of that happening... :)

14. Am over, over, over Facebook but don't know how to stop logging on.

15. Going outside with kids to get some exercise, some sun, some fun. 

Find Your Style.

2010-07-28T19:48:00.000-06:00

To have style translate into a photograph you have to put in the effort.

To have a cast iron bathtub in the grass by a pond ...

Well, that takes manly strength.

{And women to watch and make them move it twenty times.}

But when you go to the effort ...

Amazing things can happen.

Like this.

A portrait for their home that no one will have.

Getting ready for a session is so much more than picking at date and showing up.

It is collaboration.

Inspiration. Expression of personal style.

Anticipation ... total fun.

And.

Completely worth it.

Freedom.

2010-07-26T22:38:00.000-06:00

Sum it Up.

2010-07-24T21:02:00.000-06:00

She's a shoe girl.

Another.

2010-07-23T21:27:00.001-06:00

As you might have known, I have been in Montana this week attending the

Jinky Art Photography Workshop.

It was absolutely incredible. I learned so much about business, branding, and of course, more than a few photography tricks...

And while I am inspired with ideas (and I have lots!) the first item of business is to move away from this blog and showcase my photography in a better format. So, I am working on that now, and it will be launched shortly. Don't worry, though, this blog will still remain ... and I promise to post daily just as I (almost) always have.

And ironic as this is, the photographs I am showing you tonight were not taken by me. My good friend took them today ... while I was busy bribing Claire and shooting from a different angle. I haven't had a chance to edit mine yet, so here you go:

Claire from another Perspective. Another set of eyes.

Another photographer...

Who wants to remain anonymous for fear he will steal all my clients. ;)

(this one is my favorite... those sweet chunky legs!)

We were playing peek a boo (I was sitting to the far left of photo).

Today was hot. Shot during the harshest lighting. We melted.

But I have to say. Totally worth it.

When the Sun Sets ...

2010-07-22T08:56:00.003-06:00

I wish for the same thing each night when the sun starts to set.

Children who sleep in so they can stay up later.

So I can walk with them through a field and sit them on a log.

Weave them a story.

And let whatever happens, happen.

Like this.

A Fresh Air Education | jinkyart | Montana

2010-07-21T21:00:00.002-06:00

Coming home from Montana tomorrow.

Full of ideas.

Touched by new friendships.

Completely inspired.

Head whirling with what is possible.

Wanting nothing more than to capture.

To Create Magic.

To freeze love ...
&
giggles
&
time.

So much to tell you and to share.

But for now ...

a smile ... thinking about it all.

Text.

2010-07-18T07:34:00.002-06:00

Thought it would be fun to share some instant message pics. It's all the behind the scene stuff. The daily stuff. The random stuff. One week's worth of life...

(All with iPhone, of course. So, no judging on picture quality.)

Claire's first hair cut.

Sushi Den (the best in Denver, imo) with Linz and Jordan and Wayne.

What we do outside when we can stand the heat.

Claire rocking Matilda Jane. Adorable.

I eat blueberries, strawberries, and any other berry all summer long.

That and coffee.

And a little granola and yogurt.

Breakfast, lunch, and a lot of times, dinner.

I remember watching my mom get ready in the bathroom when going out ...

And here is Bear, fresh from the bath, putting on makeup.

So sweet.

Flat tire resulting from large bolt left behind by construction on our street this week.

Me sending this picture to my sister and girlfriend to see if headband was too much.

Nope it wasn't.

So I wore this to Fruition for date night.

Caeden said, "Mom, my darling love (his name for me), you look beautiful."

Made me glow all night.

Toy store in Cherry Creek (Kazoo) is a favorite place to go for something fun.

Bear just plays with toys and is totally content leaving empty handed.

Caeden? Not so much.

That is half of a spider that landed on my face one morning this week.

(That is the inside of my pajamas.)

The other part was smooshed on my neck.

And part on my cheek.

This spider just kept giving. Nice.

C Bear reading a magazine. I was too slow to capture her when she was holding it upside down and had it up to her face. Darling.

She reads to herself and it goes something like this,

"Yes! Blue! Four, Five, Six. Bunny!"

Horrible pic of the best hair cut Caeden has gotten to date.

Trust me, it is killer cute. Just a bad pic.

This boy can make conversation with the best of them.

Yesterday while talking to stylist,

he told her all about his Grandpa's lawnmower.

Had the whole place cracking up. :)

That's our week in a nutshell. Some of you have seen some of these pics (because, of course, they were all taken with the intent of txting) but still thought it would be fun to share all the behind the scenes stuff I do (and I freely admit I am hopelessly addicted to txting).

Berries & Watermelon | Salad from Farmer's Market

2010-07-16T07:12:00.000-06:00

Watermelon and strawberry salad with ginger syrup
Serves 4

1/2 cup sugar
1 cup water
1 2inch peeled piece of fresh ginger
1/4 watermelon, in cubes
3 cups strawberries, hulled and halved
fresh mint

  Start with the syrup.
Bring sugar, water and ginger to a boil in a small saucepan.
Let it simmer for 5 minutes, cool.
Discard the ginger.
Place watermelon, strawberries and fresh mint in a large bowl and ad the  syrup, mix well, cool and serve.

(recipe via sweet paul.)

Now this one ...

Found this image and recipe online this morning and 

have absolutely no idea where (closed window like an idiot).

Basically you toss toss, beans, and potatoes together with a little butter and salt and pepper and call it dinner.

Yum.

In other news,

you know that brilliant friend of mine who seems to have all the answers? Hi Michelle ... 

She emailed me a great idea about recycling containers.

She made a recycling stencil and used yellow paint to denoted her large trash can as recyclables only. Isn't that brilliant?

Working on that this afternoon.

Second, we're making homemade peach jam Sunday (Colorado Peaches are starting to arrive!) before I leave for Montana on Monday. I'll post the recipe and pictures when we're done.

A Little of This. Of That.

2010-07-15T07:57:00.000-06:00

We are in the throws of summer. So hot. Everything is drying out.

Thank goodness for a little stream to keep things cool.

And sand to keep boys and girls busy.

Not sure why I have a love of images like this, but I do.

Little feet.

Sister keeping up with her brother.

Not a care in the world.

Who needs to see a face to know that?

Well. Wait.

Faces are good.

Very good.

In other news. I remember looking at the clock at 7:27 this morning and thinking:

1. Have laundry almost done (got up dang early today)

2. Had a very large spider land on my face while laying in bed.

3. Need to find a recycle bin as large as my trash can. Seem to have more recyclables than trash these days (so proud of us for that!)

4. Wondering if I can justify new dress for date night tonight.

5. Found a new machine at gym for cardio: Sort of like elliptical but not.

Doesn't bother my leg at all (still nursing running injury and treadmill is out).

6. Already time for another pot of coffee (small addiction happening here).

7. Caeden already had craft time.

8. Bear asked me to squirt whipped cream (for her berries and waffle this morning) directly into her mouth. She obviously has an older brother to learn this stuff from.

9. 7:30. Time to get moving again...

Montana

2010-07-14T10:50:00.001-06:00

So next week I am headed out of town for a photography workshop in Montana.

If you wonder why a professional photographer would need to go to a workshop ... the answer is quite simple.

I never want to stop learning.

If you want a peek at my teacher, and some of the shots she got during last week's workshop,

Click Here.

Here's my favorite sample image that Barb posted:

I cannot even tell you how excited I am.

Shooting whimsical, fresh, and unexpected is what I have always tried to do.

Working with kids & families are my favorite

(but you know I love a good engagement shoot - so fun)

and I hope to come back inspired and full of business savvy (I would MUCH rather shoot than talk about branding or marketing ... although both are very important, obviously.).

Anyway.

Wayne is recovering this week and we've made dinner reservations at a couple of places that we've never been before ...

Root Down

and

Fruition (impossible to get a reservation here - so excited!!)

I plan on dressing up. Being out past 6 pm.

People watching... and really talking to Wayne.

20th High School Reunion | Sturgis South Dakota | Class of 1990

2010-07-13T19:50:00.001-06:00

Wayne made it to the reunion (well the Saturday part)...

...and found his way to the ladies. :)

And then (reluctantly) to his buddies.

Weekend Update.

2010-07-12T06:11:00.001-06:00

This little berry colander comes in at least 5 different colors at the store and has 3 online. I have some for all the berries I end up washing everyday (and then just put the whole thing in the fridge. The air holes allow the cold air to circulate and you will have icy cold berries and no mush).

Even when not in use, just seeing them stacked in my cabinet makes me happy. That blue shown above is my absolute favorite color.

via anthropologie

Thought this hanger was a brilliant way to display the ever changing art that we produce around here.

via Poppytalk

Want to vacation here:
via Simple Song

My good friend Michelle brought over a plate of food (and the best pineapple bran muffins; if I can get the recipe I will share!) last night that I have to replicate. She is always cooking up something fantastic (and like me, likes to cook as healthy as possible). I might be making this salad to eat again today. It was that good.

Found it here:

The lemon dressing is soooo good with the feta cheese.

Seriously, put this on the menu this week.

Salad Link via Martha Stewart

The greek yogurt dipping sauce is soooo good, as is the marinade for the pork.

Pork Link via Martha

Wayne and Caeden are having a great time in Rapid City. Wayne tells me he feels fantastic.

Claire and I have been busy:

Farmer's Market for cherries and tomatoes

Church for the inside.

Gym for the outside.

Going for walks (for time with my daughter).

Napping (I have been napping and sleeping when she does. Wow. SUCH a luxury.)

Enjoy your day!

Making It.

2010-07-09T18:29:00.001-06:00

Wayne got a transfusion today. Feels great. It's amazing how quickly he can turn around.

In fact, he is hopping on a plane tonight and going to

South Dakota to catch his 20th Reunion. So happy for him!!!

He's making it...

Claire Bear and I are chilling here this weekend. Maybe baby pool and lots of pictures ... :)

Made some ice cream tonight that I wanted to share the recipe for (via Sweet Action Ice Cream in Denver). I tweaked it a bit (omitting liquor) ...

Colorado Peach Ice Cream

(serves 4)

Peaches:

2 C. Peaches, finely chopped

1 1/4 C. Sugar

2 TBSP. lemon juice

Ice Cream Base:

3 C Heavy Cream

3/4 C Sugar

1/2 tsp. vanilla extract (I added a tad more ... yummy)

Allow peaches to macerate in the sugar and lemon juice for at least 3 hours.

While peaches are sitting, mix cream, sugar, and vanilla in saucepan over medium heat until sugar is dissolved (uh ... I boiled milk because I wasn't paying attention. Still turned out.)

Drain Peaches (do not use juice)

Combine peaches and ice cream base, pour into ice cream maker and churn.

YUM!

Update On Wayne

2010-07-08T15:22:00.000-06:00

Wayne has been spending his days in the hospital and coming home at night to sleep.
Tomorrow he gets a blood transfusion and it should make him feel much better.
His appetite is finally coming around.
There's no way he can make his reunion but the outpouring from his friends has been tremendous. Each and every text, email, Facebook ping ... means the world to him (calling is not so good).

Thank you for checking in...

38.

2010-07-07T08:09:00.001-06:00

We are supposed to be in Rapid City today.

Wayne is supposed to be celebrating his 38th birthday with smiles, and hugs, and presents.

He is supposed to be celebrated. To feel like being celebrated.

But that isn't how it is happening.

Yesterday he was in the hospital here in Denver.

A fever, dehydration, and total nausea had his Oncologist wanting to admit him to stay there.

But he wanted his own bed.

His pillow.

The smells and comforts of home.

His kids.

He wanted to come home.

My kids were split between two girlfriends (to whom I will always be thankful for)

so that I could get to the hospital.

And I took him home.

In the meantime, his parents raced down from Rapid City to be with him. With us.

They are here now.

His Dad, unlike me, is able to get Wayne to eat.

His Dad brings a silent strength to the house and it instantly eases Wayne.

His Mom scoops the kids up, holding them tight, not as a substitute to Wayne, but as close as it gets to Wayne for her. She loves on them and plays with them. And they her.

And Wayne.

He turns 38 today.

I have known him for more of his life than I haven't known him.

And today he didn't have the strength to open his cards or presents.

Today he walked out the door, back to the hospital, with his Dad.

And the candle ... that he did manage to blow out ... still sits on the table.

We hope he is better this afternoon, and that he can let us celebrate him.

But if can't, we know there is tomorrow.

And we are all holding out for a better tomorrow.

Wide Open Spaces

2010-07-06T05:37:00.001-06:00

(Posted this image on Facebook already, but it's all I've got at 5:30 in the morning)

This morning we are on our way to Rapid City.

Wayne's birthday is tomorrow.

Will probably celebrate it in Deadwood like we did last year.

His 20th Reunion is this weekend.

He's really looking forward to it (so am I).

Photoshoots this week to keep me busy.

I'll be taking lots of pictures and will post them along the way...

P.S. Just a random little something ...
Claire still only has 6 teeth.
Trying not to think that is strange ... but it IS strange, right?

Pretty Things & Ideas.

2010-07-05T08:04:00.000-06:00

Came across this free download. Absolutely love this idea:

Print graphic and frame under glass...use a dry erase marker to write your meal plans.

Download here via Ollibird.

I love this sweet and simple idea for dining outdoors. A flower chandelier.

via Sweet Paul

And finally, a sweet image I am going to totally recreate up in South Dakota this week.

Except going to try and get Claire in front of it with her baby doll ...

I get spoiled in SD because I can just walk outside the house and shoot

in locations that look like this. Love that.

via Design Mom

Pride.

2010-07-04T11:44:00.001-06:00

This morning I explained to Caeden about the symbolism of fireworks and why the 4th of July is special. He took it a step further. And it went a little something like this:

C: So, I am proud to live in America. I am proud to live on the earth. We should take care of it and pick up litter!

So that's what we did.

After eating donuts (a weekend tradition at our house) we headed outside to the field directly behind the house to pick up litter.

Seriously. I could not be any more proud of my son. Love him.

And here is C Bear rocking her Matilda Jane outfit of the day. I think I have a close up of her so you can see her chocolate frosting donut stains on it ... 3 minutes after getting dressed. :)

Oh yes. Two of them. That's how we roll, people.

Is he not the cutest little man? This outfit is his favorite, and I have to wash it daily so he has it to wear. So funny. But really, don't blame him. His t-shirt is limited edition Matilda Jane and is super, super soft. You would think I owned shares in MJ the way I talk about it, huh? But I adore everything about that company. The owners are visionary and as genuine they come.

So that was our morning.

Supposed to be at church right now, but Claire couldn't wait for bed ... up at the crack of dawn, that girl.

So, to all of you who attend SE Church, did you know you can

download their sermons on iTunes?

I have eight downloading as we speak ... so cool!

Timing.

2010-07-03T13:50:00.002-06:00

1. Wayne is done with chemo for a week. It falls at a good time for him because we've got the 4th, his birthday (38th), and his 20th High School Reunion next weekend.

Perfect timing.

2. Yesterday Caeden spent the day with his new buddies, N and E. They came over for a play date and we had a blast. They managed to team up on me and show me no mercy. Baseball bat, water guns, etc. were used to make me surrender over and over.

They were so cute ... but hostile! :)

N said a prayer before lunch and it was one of the sweetest prayers I've ever heard. I could listen to him say, "Miss Valerie," over and over. Such a honey.

These pics were taken with my humble iPhone, but you get the idea of what they were up to.

Where the water fight started ...

(no helmet to fit her so she just pushed it around)

Band aid covering a scratch somehow obtained from riding in the motorized truck.

This pic was taken just as I told Caeden that he was invited to go along with N and E's family to a baseball game (his first ever) and watch fireworks. They jumped around and hugged because they were so excited. Even made a secret hand shake.

Melted me.

N asking what would happen if he ate a fly. Looks like he was really thinking about it, huh?

And of course, the truck.

3. A couple of weeks ago I became the recipient of a running injury. Sometimes it is so bad that I cannot walk (but have found Vicodin and it helps so much), or involuntarily cry out when I step on my leg. It's pretty bad. I have been going to PT and it seems to be helping, although running is completely out of the picture. So I have been walking on the treadmill instead ... and watching as everyone else runs ( I am the loser "working out" at a snails pace - I promise never to judge a walker at the gym again!! - Not that I ever did, mind you...)

Bad timing with so much going on (Miss you Jami! Wish you were all here!!)

4. C-Bear has been styling in her Matilda Jane outfits

(came home with a suitcase full of goodness for her).

Doesn't matter where I take her - the grocery store, Target, just out and about at the gym

... I get stopped and asked where I get her outfits.

You, too, can dress your daughter in MJ ...

and you might want to get some on the 7th when they have a 40% sale!!

Click here for all things good at MJ

Great timing, wouldn't you say?

Funny, I stick this pic in when Claire is NOT wearing MJ. Still funny though, cuz all this sweet little chub wants to do is eat. LOL

5. Headed up to Rapid City on Tuesday. Photo shoots, old friends, new friends, Grandma and Grandpa, Lucy Goosie Bad Dog, Deadwood, Sturgis Reunion ... we will be there soon!

Have a wonderful 4th of July weekend!

A Girl.

2010-07-02T20:16:00.001-06:00

This is all I can really say about her ...

1. She is just as beautiful on the inside.

2. She is nine.

3. Her Mother does a crazy good job of raising her and her siblings (and home-schools her, too).

4. We were connected at the hip the entire Matilda Jane weekend.

5. She would call me on her Mom's phone to see what I was doing.

6. She came to the hotel room to see where I slept.

7. Had the most amazing response to the camera. I could say,

"Smile with your eyes, darling..." and she knew just what to do.

8. Adore her and miss her.

9. She makes me look forward to watching my Claire Bear grow.

That's all I can say about this girl (privacy).
But I hope my words make it clear how great she is.
And I hope it's enough.

All Mine.

2010-06-30T22:16:00.002-06:00

Tonight after I put Claire to sleep, Caeden and I headed to the creek.

Not one to pose (or let me pose him, I guess) I get a lot of shots that look like this. No face. Or an annoyed face (takes after his Dad on that). Or just a "please put the camera down" face.

So we skipped rocks.

Found sticks to draw in the sand.

He explored the water while I sat on the bank and watched him in his sweet five year old way that he has about him.

Couldn't love him anymore, but then the next day, I do.

These kids. They are my everything.
No one warned me...
And the surprise of them never gets old.

And while I get lots of these (not going to smile) shots, I love them all the same.

Because truth be told, when you have toes like this, a smile on your face is way overrated.

And when it was all said and done, he grabbed my hand and we walked back to the truck together. "Mom, I really love you. Thanks for the special date."

Thinking that I love his manners ... and the way he speaks .... and thinks ... and loves.

And I think, even when I doubt myself ... and what I am doing to make my family better ... happier ... safer ... I look at Caeden and know I am not doing so bad.

My everything(s). Together we will get through anything.

Well Hello

2010-06-29T11:05:00.001-06:00

So sorry I have been MIA. Last weekend was crazy fun and amazing. I met the most brilliant and creative and fun and uber cool people this weekend. Had to pinch myself many times because I couldn't believe I was hanging with them! :) More on them tomorrow...

Can I just say I will always and forever be loyal to Matilda Jane?? Always!

I have been trying to play catch up with all the session editing and finally posted last client session online so I feel like I can blog and not feel guilty about the million things I need to do (as my children fend for themselves right now ... ha!)

I have so many pictures and stories and experiences to share. I want to do it right and give you great blog posts this week, so I will take some time today and organize and edit ...

...and be a brilliant blogger this week!

First up: Wayne is doing okay. He is in week two of chemo and is functioning great. Not eating much but is trying. He will be on break next week but that is usually the week he feels the worst. Caeden drew a picture of him this morning and there was hair on his head. Caeden said, "This is Daddy before...."

Killed me.

Dan Patrick, a colleague of Wayne's ... and a friend to us both, is riding 90 miles for Wayne in the LIVESTRONG Challenge in Austin, TX. It's Oct 22-24. We will do our best to get there to support him. (It was awful not to be in Seattle for LIVESTRONG to cheer everyone on over Father's Day weekend.)

Second: The kids are fantastic. Loved spending the past weekend with their Grandpa. I wish every day they lived down the street. How many people can say that about their in-laws?

Third: Friendship ... tomorrow's post is dedicated to my amazing friend Jami. Can't wait to tell you all about her and the other wickedly brilliant and creative women I met.
It was so good for my soul...

Super Short and Sweet

2010-06-23T16:29:00.000-06:00

1. Claire in 10th percentile for height. That girl does not take after her Mama one ioda!

2. Editing pictures like a lunatic but still am not going to have anything to show until next week.

3. Because I am headed to Indiana tomorrow at 6am. Will be apart of Matilda Jane Land all weekend long (Thank you, Dad, for coming down and saving my butt with the kids ... there is lots of yummy food for you in the fridge and pantry. I wish you luck.)

4. Crazy about Snooze. Favorite breakfast place on earth. This is what yesterday's witty post was all about.

Claire's strawberry shortcake (made with english muffins) french toast. omg. omg. omg.

5. Packing for a girlie weekend involves a lot of dresses, shoes, and a swimming suit or two. And more luggage than I am allowed to take. Camera ... laptop ... chargers ... curling iron ... being a girl COMES with baggage, people.

6. Meeting up with a long lost High School friend that I would totally link you to ... but she does not blog. Maybe I can talk her into it.

And I am off.

Blogging from Indiana tomorrow.

XOXO.

Tomorrow.

2010-06-22T10:46:00.000-06:00

Took 30 minutes to upload new pics with a witty story to go along with it. And then google just ate it. Too lazy to recreate my blogging masterpiece, I leave you with one simple picture and a promise to do better tomorrow.

Thumbs Up.

2010-06-21T12:29:00.000-06:00

For the LIVESTRONG Event on Father's Day.

We are so proud of you guys! 

Sneak Peek | Family and Children's Photographer | Colorado | In the Moment Photography by Valerie Koop

2010-06-19T08:24:00.006-06:00

A sneak peek because ...

Because, when you are the family, waiting to see is hard!

Because this family gave me permission to share with you all ...

Because these three were so much fun to talk to.

Because I bribed them with candy the entire time.

Because I learned the boys' nicknames.

Because, seriously, I had so much fun.

Because this family is something special.

Into the Weekend

2010-06-18T10:59:00.000-06:00

1. Toy Story 3 in 3D.

2. Swimming Pool.

3. More Motrin (something went horribly wrong with my leg while running.)

4. Photoshoot (beautiful, fun family) tonight.

5. Photoshoot (amazing, romantic, fully Colorado wedding) tomorrow.

6. Father's Day Sunday | LIVESTRONG EVENT

Into the weekend we go ....

Riding Strong for Wayne

2010-06-17T12:53:00.001-06:00

Friends and colleagues of Wayne are riding in the 2010 LIVESTRONG Challenge

in Seattle on Sunday.

Wayne's team is Randy, Ken, Shrikant, Nick, Jamie, Pete, Karsten, and Mackal.

Mackal's FB Page: Click here

General Information Click here

Jamie and her husband (pictured above) did all the artwork for the signs and t-shirts using one of my favorite images of the kids with Wayne while he was undergoing chemo last fall.

This is a testament to true friendship, support, and encouragement.

There is absolutely no way we could fight this alone.

Thank you. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you.

Wish we could be there to cheer you on in person.

LIVESTRONG.

93 Degrees

2010-06-16T09:28:00.000-06:00

Today we've got a 93 degree day ahead of us.

1. Swimming ... our pool is amazing. So grateful it is just down the street.

2. Mow the lawn ...

3. Blow Bubbles at the park and try and get some pictures ...

4. Make something yummy for dinner (on the grill) ... and maybe fruit pizza for dessert? I make mine in a tart pan so the edges are all pretty. Ever tried that?

5. Wayne is home. He's starting to come around, and in fact, yesterday was the first day he had his appetite back.

Raspberry lemonade - to the next level. It's all about the details. ;)

Mesenchymal Chondrosarcoma | Update on Wayne

2010-06-15T10:19:00.000-06:00

Just got off the phone with Wayne. According to Dr. Patel, there has been no growth in Wayne's tumors (located in lungs and hip).

There has also been no shrinkage. If his tumors do not respond after two more cycles, Dr. Patel wants to try something else.

Wayne's official weight loss was 15 pounds from last week.

He is headed home today and is on break until Monday.

Monday starts another two week cycle and he was told to just hang in there with the lack of appetite and stomach problems. It is expected he will have significant weight loss and they were not concerned at all.

So ...

Two more cycles.

Sunshine Food

2010-06-14T16:54:00.000-06:00

After three days of nothing but dark skies and rain, the sun started to peek out from behind the clouds this afternoon.

Sunshine = summer food. Here is what I am making this week:

French Potato Salad (no mayo) and it is seriously the yummiest recipe ever.

BLTs (thick cut bacon, arugula instead of lettuce, and cherry tomatoes until my plants start to produce)

Grilled Chicken Club Sandwiches (grilled lemon chicken, avacados, lettuce, tomatoes on wheat)

Strawberry and Spinach Salad with toasted almonds (no real recipe) 

Raspberry Lemonade (purchased)

I have two kids who told me they are DONE with frozen waffles. 

Yes, I am that Mom ... until they revolt.

Wayne is in testing today and will have results tomorrow ... around late morning.

The kids are running around like little lunatics while I blog, Claire chasing after Caeden saying, "Hug me! Hug me!"

Affection is a very good thing.

Weekend Update

2010-06-13T15:10:00.003-06:00

Wayne needed assistance getting to Houston. He hasn't eaten anything of substance in over a week, and has lost at least 10 pounds ... probably more. Worried that he would not be able to carry his luggage, walk through the airport, or get himself food once he was in his hotel, I asked his best friend Randy to go with him.

And Randy said yes instantly.
And his wife Kaycee was amazing and supportive
and sent him off with a smile ...
(Kaycee JUST moved to Denver a week ago with the 4 kids - she has a TON on her plate.)

And when Wayne woke up and I told him what I did, he got mad. Really mad.

So is the cycle. Him not knowing what is best... What his limitations are.
Me second-guessing my decisions when he gets upset.

Trying to be more empathic and understanding to him while also growing a THICKER skin. Easier said than done.

So those of you who think we are some sort of power couple and tackling Cancer without issue, please know we are just human and doing the best we can.
Wayne has bad days. I have bad days.
Sometimes he feels bitter. I feel guilt. We both feel joy.
I am not some sort of cheerleader or super wife.
He is not always strong.
We are just human.

And I want to share that side of things with you.
The real side of battling cancer.
And ... it's another reason I took comments off.
I don't think I could stand to share some of this if I had to worry
what people would say.

So read at your own risk, okay?

Now Wayne is gone. Flying to Houston as I type this (with Randy, thank goodness). And he texted me twice, which is more communication than we have had in days, which means two things:
he is feeling better and he is glad Randy is with him.

This morning I took the kids to church and then to McDonalds for lunch. Claire kept saying, "Church! Church," like I was FINALLY taking her somewhere she has been wanting to go (that picture is her all cute this morning).

And Caeden. Oh Caeden. He said, "Now Mom, I am thinking this kindergarten isn't for me. I want Gold Rush." And I explained Church and School were different ... he knows this, right? He didn't. So, we will be going every Sunday. What a wake up call.

And here I am this morning via brilliant budding photographer Claire. I let her use the phone for brief moments while I get ready because it's the only thing that allows me to handle a hot curling iron without fear she will grab for it. Anyway, she loves to take pictures.

Just like her Mama. Love that.

So.

We are now waiting for news from Houston.

We'll know something on Tuesday.

Listening to these songs quite a bit lately:

Stuck in a Moment by U2

Why Georgia by John Mayer

Carnival.

2010-06-11T06:26:00.002-06:00

I remember the anticipation of waiting for the carnival to come to town. Living in a small, barely-there town in Wyoming meant when the carnival came ... it was a big deal.

As a child, it meant trying to talk my little brother into some of the more daring rides. Eating as much junk food as my Mom would buy me, and thinking, "How does life get any better?"

As a young teen, it meant the social calendar was full every night. Getting dressed up to walk around with my girlfriends, holding hands with my boyfriend, and screaming at the top of my lungs, "We're all gunna DIE!!!" as my favorite ride, the 'Zipper,' hurtled us towards the ground.

And, now, as an adult ... as a parent ... I take a look at these 'set up overnight' sensations with skeptical eyes and wonder how in the world this could all actually be safe?

Well, the carnival has come to town in Parker. Over the past week we have watched as it has come to life and today is the day Caeden gets to experience it for himself. I promised him I would ride on anything he wanted me to with him. He could try funnel cakes. We would stay for as long as he wanted.

Today the carnival has come to town ... and I intend to make sure Caeden's memories of what small town life can be like are just as special as mine.

Photo Credit Here.

P.S.

Going to give blog comments a break - so hopefully you can just read and NOT feel like you have to post something. Pressure is gone.

And.

I am done with Facebook.

Simplifying for the summer. Feels good to let it all go.

More. (But Last of It.) -- Lindsay's Never Ending Shower Pics. :)

2010-06-10T08:38:00.000-06:00

Wanted to "borrow" her flower clip. So dang cute. 

Wayne's sister, Nikki.

Kelly and her little guy, N. I cannot tell you the baby urge I felt when I held him!!!

Joanna, Jordan's sister. SUCH a doll.

In the corner, my Mother in Law, Donna. I love her so.

And the gorgeous blond? Andrea. Bride to be next weekend! I am shooting her wedding, so you KNOW there will be pictures to share.

Strawberry bellini. Pink chair (If you didn't know this about me, uh, I am a girlie girl...). Lindsay looking so pretty in her cream dress.

Here's the three of us. I love this picture as my Mom hates her picture taken, so we don't have very many good ones of the three of us together.

You know what else I love about this one? Lindsay's ring finger hand up by her neck. She favors that hand. I really love that.

On a completely unrelated note, thank you so much for all the emails and texts and comments yesterday. Sometimes when I just let it all out, I get embarrassed by the attention it brings. I appreciate you all and love you all so much, but please don't feel like you have to respond. 

We will all be okay. 

Thank you for letting me share. 

This blog is definitely my soft place to fall.

Thank you for that.

Wayne had a much better night last night. 

He is on some new meds and got some more Zofran ... and took some Ambien (sp?). 

That combo worked well...

Overnight ...

2010-06-09T08:58:00.000-06:00

Overnight the roses in my backyard bloomed gorgeous, hot pink flowers.

Overnight my little girl decided she was big enough to climb out of her crib and walk downstairs.

"Good Morning, Mommy," she said.

Overnight I went from running 5 miles at a 9:40 pace ...

to running 3 miles at a 7:20 pace and the other two at an 8:20 pace.

Wayne is not doing well. The side effects of his chemo leave him very weak,

sick, and tired. He doesn't like to talk.

Not sure how much he even hears me say when I try talking to him.

I wish this would all go away overnight.

Most of the time, I feel like I can handle everything.

But, not so overnight, I feel like I am slowly losing a grip on most everything.

Cancer, I think, does this to a family. Things are fine one day.

Then, overnight they are not. Even if nothing has changed.

I haven't really shared the rawness I am feeling lately; I hope it doesn't freak you all out.

The other night I was watching Caeden sleep. He was in a really deep sleep ... and he had beads of sweat on his face and neck. His mouth was open a little bit, and he was clutching his favorite blanket tightly. I watched him sleep for a long time. Just taking him in.

Being so happy to sit and watch him. So peaceful.

So, I count my blessings and I pray a lot. I ask for wisdom and strength, mostly.

I also give thanks. Because no matter what, there is so much to be grateful for.

And I need to remember that when I feel like it is all out of my reach.

Shower ... Part Two.

2010-06-08T08:32:00.000-06:00